# Are young singles relationship-averse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2023, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203 "2023-11-15T19:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/21 "2023-11-17T03:35:49Z")
There are a lot of dysfunctional marriages, remarriages and horrid divorces, that children/teens find themselves in the midst of. Like a LOT, lot. How many happy divorces you hear of? We live in a world where more options are available, must marry, isn’t the case so much any more. Thank goodness. I’m not surprised a big chunk of society are averse, in the slightest. Surprised the numbers aren’t even higher. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/22 "2023-11-17T15:37:34Z")
The point is well-taken, that: sometimes our media holds up a mirror to society…and sometimes, it’s just whatever’s convenient for the writers. If the trope is to be believed (and it should be taken with a grain of salt) there are a lot of people out there who think that after a night of sexual abandon, having breakfast together is just too intimate. And that struck me as weird. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/23 "2023-11-17T16:03:29Z")
No worries, LSL! ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/24 "2023-11-17T16:12:48Z")
I’m not sure the trope is exactly that having breakfast is too intimate - I think to some extent it’s more that staying around long enough to have breakfast makes it something different than leaving would have been. And maybe it’s left over from a prior period of life - it’s been a long time since I was young and single, and while my husband is not the first guy I had sex with, he is the first one I literally slept with as in “woke up next to each other in the morning”. He wasn’t the first actual relationship - but prior to that anyone spending the night would have required encountering someone’s family. Which I would not have been willing to do the first night or even the first month - and it’s possible that I would have avoided it out of habit even if I or the other party lived alone. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/25 "2023-11-17T20:46:52Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > I think there are definitely some people who are relationship-averse, though I don’t think its related to age or generation. The classic stereotype of this (in San Francisco, where I lived for 15 years) is the “Peter Pan” type, the middle aged (or older) hetrosexual dude, still living like he’s a 21 year old, with a room in a shared apartment, out partying every night, with a “girlfriend” half his age (though they will never actually admit to being their boyfriend or in a being in a relationship). I know a few people who conform to that stereotype. > > Despite the stereotype that its always the guy that doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, and the woman who is looking for commitment, I’d also say its not gender related either, I’ve known plenty of guys who are looking for a relationship but end up with women how want to keep it casual and commitment free. [Sort of like this infographic comparing Leonardo DiCaprio’s age to that of his girlfriends.](https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/JCHaP7O5N6488sFYqCjx_L1Y8BbbFVufxQf2i02dGziB5Je9uvZHm66cf-WtTiMQTdSUPpp-a5FSOcBVPteO1BdejfTy8DQgKhdIPpEqjOU7dD0JWFPRdAxUl1qIEekty6jPgwOon9Mr5-OexyJB-oczf26HDJOMceKuPgFgGiLvYxlPhIkxnV2pEg) As others have pointed out, there have always been “Peter Pan” playboy types who have no interest in settling down and raising a family. Probably because those things are tedious and having sex with 25 year old women is awesome. That has been a stock character in rom coms probably for as long as there have been rom coms. Often the plot of the romcom involves said individual meeting “the one” and realizing true love after 90 minutes of hilarity. In the real world, I see on social media that there is a sense of cynicism about settling down and relationships in general with at least a segment of young singles. I think the transactional app-driven approach to dating and a general narcissism and disconnect from other people may be to blame. Why settle down if each party is constantly on the lookout to “bigger better deal” the other and technology makes it so easy to do? ---
**Author:** ![jjakucyk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3d9bf3/32.png) [@jjakucyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjakucyk)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/26 "2023-11-17T21:37:04Z")
We’ve gotten a lot fatter over the last few decades, which tamps down attractiveness across the board. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2023, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/27 "2023-11-17T23:06:33Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > The point is well-taken, that: sometimes our media holds up a mirror to society…and sometimes, it’s just whatever’s convenient for the writers. > > If the trope is to be believed (and it should be taken with a grain of salt) there are a lot of people out there who think that after a night of sexual abandon, having breakfast together is just too intimate. And that struck me as weird. It’s not weird if you have no intention of seeing the other person again. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/28 "2023-11-18T00:27:20Z")
Perhaps the seed was planted in the 1960s with free love. Once you let the genie out of the bottle, not only is there no going back, but it snowballs. Each generation excels at outdoing the last in depravity. We’re no different that the Romans and many other civilizations before us destroyed by their own hedinist ways. The younger generation stpoped listening to wisdom of the older generation long ago. So, here we are… All the wisdom of ages of great philosophers flushed down the toilet. No one has valued investing in the long run since who knows when…and the cheap quality whether products on the shelf or the devaluing of love is where we have sunk instead of demanding better. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/29 "2023-11-18T00:41:28Z")
I don’t think this has anything to do with Hollywood. There’s been a trend in many countries toward sex coming fairly early in two people knowing each other. To give a specific example, I’ve seen some videos and read some websites claiming that in Iceland, often two people have one date and then have sex, not yet really knowing each other much. Then they slowly get to know each other in further dates. Then they move in together. Then they have children. Then they get married. Something like this happens in other countries too. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/30 "2023-11-18T02:57:17Z")
> [@jjakucyk](#): > > We’ve gotten a lot fatter over the last few decades, which tamps down attractiveness across the board. I don’t agree with that. [https://www.google.com/search?sca\_esv=583532019&sxsrf=AM9HkKmDtEQlP2dnLKdcGENWTmnPGWz61Q:1700276184095&q=reuben+painter&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiiiuSvxsyCAxX\_DkQIHRl9BfMQ0pQJegQIDhAB&biw=1658&bih=944&dpr=2](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=583532019&sxsrf=AM9HkKmDtEQlP2dnLKdcGENWTmnPGWz61Q:1700276184095&q=reuben+painter&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiiiuSvxsyCAxX_DkQIHRl9BfMQ0pQJegQIDhAB&biw=1658&bih=944&dpr=2) ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/31 "2023-11-18T03:10:40Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > Each generation excels at outdoing the last in depravity. We’re no different that the Romans and many other civilizations before us destroyed by their own hedinist ways. When the Romans were pagan, they conquered much of the known world. I’m not sure how hedonist they were, the only evidence I have for that were early Christians who would think Southern Baptists are hedonists and Fellini’s _Satyricon_. The place went to hell after the god-fearing Christians took over. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/32 "2023-11-18T03:18:47Z")
That is _the_ most ignorant garbage I’ve read in a month anywhere. Including on truth social. There is nobody stupider than an ancient ancestor. Their so-called wisdom is pure pig ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/33 "2023-11-18T03:30:49Z")
When asked, as an old man, if he missed sex, Sophocles responded that he hardly could miss going through life chained to a madman. So there may be some worthwhile sex advice from the ancients. For example: [The Paedrus.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phaedrus_(dialogue)), not at all to be discounted because the participants were gay ephebophiles. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/34 "2023-11-18T03:39:12Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > . We’re no different that the Romans and many other civilizations before us destroyed by their own hedinist ways OTTOMH The Roman Empire fell due to Misuse of natural resources. IIRC The government started offering rewards for planting olive trees to suck the sodium out of the over farmed soil. Being too big for communication to the central government to be effective. Note that it split from a single central governing body to a tetrarchy. Taking in too many cultures. For a long time, a conquered people were allowed to live as Roman citizens as long as they paid proper taxes and paid at least lip service to the Roman gods. This lead to a large number of groups who didn’t identify as Roman and didn’t want to be part of the empire. I know of no nonbiased work that claims (let alone proves) that the Roman empire fell due to hedonism. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/35 "2023-11-18T04:49:54Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > When asked, as an old man, if he missed sex, Sophocles responded that he hardly could miss going through life chained to a madman. So there may be some worthwhile sex advice from the ancients. When asked as a semi-old man if he missed sex, LSLGuy responded that 3x daily is a decent minimum and he only misses it between those events. As long as that’s forthcoming, there is not too much missing. It’s the absence that triggers madness. Professionally speaking, don’t do that. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/36 "2023-11-18T05:34:52Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > When the Romans were pagan, they conquered much of the known world. Gibbon explicitly argued that it was the conversion to Christianity that fatally undermined the Roman state, particularly via the mass transfer of state resources to the church. 😉. He was a fan of the “tolerant paganism” line. Of course nobody today should be using The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire as a reference for anything other than the study of historiography. Edward Gibbon started writing it before the United States even existed 😀. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/37 "2023-11-18T05:40:34Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > and the cheap quality whether products on the shelf Can you quote us some statistics that show that the quality of products on the shelves (in stores, I presume) is worse now than it was since the 1960s? ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/38 "2023-11-18T08:10:21Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > Perhaps the seed was planted in the 1960s with free love. Once you let the genie out of the bottle, not only is there no going back, but it snowballs. Each generation excels at outdoing the last in depravity. We’re no different that the Romans and many other civilizations before us destroyed by their own hedinist ways. The younger generation stpoped listening to wisdom of the older generation long ago. So, here we are… All the wisdom of ages of great philosophers flushed down the toilet. No one has valued investing in the long run since who knows when…and the cheap quality whether products on the shelf or the devaluing of love is where we have sunk instead of demanding better. > **[Older Generations Have Called Kids "Too Soft" for 100 Years](https://www.insidehook.com/culture/older-generations-kids-too-soft)** > > If you feel that way, you're doing your part to continue a historic tradition ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/39 "2023-11-18T14:57:57Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > the devaluing of love Do you seriously think that more marriages or long-term relationships were based on love back a few centuries ago than today? It was more common back then for marriages to be arranged by the parents than now. At best the prospective bride or groom might be allowed to meet several people of their social class and choose one. If you had told people back then that in the future one member of the British royal family would marry an American actress who was already married and divorced and was partly of African-American descent, they would have laughed at you for suggesting such a improbable thing. And there are lots of such cases: > **[26 commoners who married into royalty](https://www.insider.com/18-commoners-who-married-into-royalty-2016-5)** > > From Grace Kelly to Meghan Markle, these people didn't have to come from a noble family to marry into royal families. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/40 "2023-11-18T15:56:07Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Or almost as bad: a nudnik I’m partial to nogoodnik, myself. > Alright, already, I’m just a nogoodnik! > Alright, already, it’s true > So nu? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=3)