# Are young singles relationship-averse? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2023, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203 "2023-11-15T19:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/41 "2023-11-18T17:10:41Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > Perhaps the seed was planted in the 1960s with free love. Once you let the genie out of the bottle, not only is there no going back, but it snowballs. Each generation excels at outdoing the last in depravity. We’re no different that the Romans and many other civilizations before us destroyed by their own hedinist ways. The younger generation stpoped listening to wisdom of the older generation long ago. So, here we are… All the wisdom of ages of great philosophers flushed down the toilet. No one has valued investing in the long run since who knows when…and the cheap quality whether products on the shelf or the devaluing of love is where we have sunk instead of demanding better. There are always people who look at those who do don’t ascribe to their particular morality and make the logical leap that it is leading to the downfall of society. Maybe the downfall of whatever Puritan value system you seem to be advocating. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/42 "2023-11-18T17:51:44Z")
> [@bump](#): > > One thing I have noticed is that younger people seem to be less hung up on societal expectations that they get a steady long-term job, get married, have kids, and get a house in the suburbs like Gen-X and the generations before. As a 51 year old Gen-X (married with 2 kids and several homes) I assure you we were just as ambivalent about those things in our 20s (and sometimes 30s). Until we weren’t. Look at how Gen X and older Millennials are portrayed in shows like Friends, Seinfeld, Sex And The City, How I Met Your Mother, Girls, and any number of Hollywood rom-coms. Those shoes are not too far off from my own observations and experience at that age (albeit with better writers and a more attractive cast). Basically working, hanging out in bars with your friends, and strings of relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. They said the same thing about Millennials’ expectations, but they are now entering their 30s and 40s, buying homes, having kids. Eventually everyone gets older, their priorities change, they have more money and realize it’s time to grow up. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/43 "2023-11-18T20:43:55Z")
Over the decades, your post have stood out as amongst the most ignorant and ill researched of all long time posters. This one may have hit a new low. Congratulations ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/44 "2023-11-18T20:45:22Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Of course nobody today should be using The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire as a reference for anything other than the study of historiography. Edward Gibbon started writing it before the United States even existed I’ve got to read that book some day. I’ve been watching some stuff about when the Romans pulled out of Britain and how things fell apart. Interesting. But I suspect a lot of people think, Caligula, Nero, the Roman Empire fell 20 years later. > [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > Can you quote us some statistics that show that the quality of products on the shelves (in stores, I presume) is worse now than it was since the 1960s? I missed that part. I went through the quality revolution in ICs and electronics, where the Japanese told us our stuff was crap, and they were right. Back in the early '80s every manufacturer of printed circuit boards had chip testers to screen the parts that came in, since you couldn’t trust them to be good. That problem was not limited to fly by night companies. With better testing and quality, the quality level of incoming parts became so good that screening them became unnecessary. I was in charge of some of these numbers for a big computer manufacturer, so I’ve got data. Though I suppose you can buy crap if you look for it online. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/45 "2023-11-18T20:52:39Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > I missed that part. I went through the quality revolution in ICs and electronics, where the Japanese told us our stuff was crap, and they were right. I started in manufacturing in 1990 (I assume a bit after you) and you are absolutely right. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2023, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/46 "2023-11-18T23:06:24Z")
> [@bump](#): > > One thing I have noticed is that younger people seem to be less hung up on societal expectations that they get a steady long-term job, get married, have kids, and get a house in the suburbs like Gen-X and the generations before. I distinctly remember people complaining, and us rejoicing, that we weren’t hung up on societal expectations that we get a steady long-term job and get married. In the 1970’s. ETA: when we still thought it was possible to get a steady long-term job. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/47 "2023-11-19T00:20:48Z")
**Moderating** **Modnote** : You did a fair job skirting the rules but your post is attacking a poster. Please keep such to the pit. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/48 "2023-11-19T00:49:58Z")
This is the battle of the anecdotes and suppositions thread right here. Including this one: > [@](#): > > Someone posted to advice columnist Carolyn Hax’s chat this afternoon as follows: “The facts are the facts. 85% of men are married or in a committed relationship within 2 years after their wife dies. 5% of widows are.” I found both of these numbers…very surprising. I would have guessed that men are indeed more likely than women to find romance after the death of a spouse, but I thought that 85% seemed much too high and 5% way too low. Of course, my impression is based almost entirely on people… That column, which I happened to read, went on to point out that those were not the facts at all. The statistics show considerably less dichotomy than that. Someone somewhere pulled those numbers out of their ass and printed them as fact, alarming the poster. Almost the same day, I read an article which was attempting to discover why women in particular are not getting married. Apparently the main reason cited by women is that the quality of available men is really crappy. Juvenile, selfish, insensitive … it wasn’t clear in the article whether men now have changed, or it is only that women didn’t want to spend their lives with them, now that this is an option. Another statistic (from Harpers Magazine): coupled people are approximately one billion times happier, when polled, than single people. None of these are my personal beliefs, or what I notice among my friends, or anything. Just throwing factoids around. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/49 "2023-11-19T08:36:07Z")
Count yourself lucky Google is intelligent and didn’t just return a gallery of sandwiches. It’s _Rubens_. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/50 "2023-11-19T12:19:13Z")
I think sandwiches look good too. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/51 "2023-11-19T14:37:33Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > In the 1970’s. ETA: when we still thought it was possible to get a steady long-term job. this right here deserves it’s own thread! as for this one, I love it. might be the thread drift, but whatever, this is great. 😍 ETA: at what point are hijacks not allowed? (if it’s one of those forum dependent rules, I won’t know it) because I’d like to talk about how a grilled cheese is superior to the reuben sandwich but I really don’t want to make extra work for @What_Exit ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/52 "2023-11-19T14:45:15Z")
to get back to the OP - young singles might be more ready to settle down in a long term relationship if the economy was more stable. I mean, who wants to start a family when it feels like the next election literally _anything_ could happen. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/53 "2023-11-19T15:18:10Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > ETA: at what point are hijacks not allowed? (if it’s one of those forum dependent rules, I won’t know it) > > because I’d like to talk about how a grilled cheese is superior to the reuben sandwich but I really don’t want to make extra work for @What_Exit That would be pretty far afield for a still active thread that is not very old. But would make a great new thread in #Cafe Society. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/54 "2023-11-19T17:48:35Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > because I’d like to talk about how a grilled cheese is superior to the reuben sandwich but I really don’t want to make extra work for @What_Exit There’s nothing superior to a reuben sandwich, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/55 "2023-11-19T20:30:53Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > to get back to the OP - young singles might be more ready to settle down in a long term relationship if the economy was more stable. I mean, who wants to start a family when it feels like the next election literally _anything_ could happen. I don’t know. What made people start families during every other point in history when there was even more uncertainty? It’s not like me or anyone I know was like “I can’t get married and have kids because who knows what will happen with the Gore vs Bush election or this Y2K thing!” I still stand by my theory that young singles don’t want to settle down because it’s more fun to be young and single. Look, I love my wife and kids and all. But I also remember a time when I could stay out all night with my buddies or head off skiing in Vermont or fly to Vegas or hook up with a girl I just met in a bar without having to ask anybody. Or even just sleep in on Saturday and watch TV and play videogames all weekend without having to run a million errands. I can see why a lot of men might not want to give that up in favor of big mortgage payments and changing diapers for just anyone. Plus you have this whole weird dynamic with young people these days, at least online. You have all these weird INCEL types who are all angry towards women because women won’t give them the time of day and think that the cure is to act like a raging douchebag. Then you have all these women who think they are queens and deserve to be with some 6’1" millionaire because reasons. So I don’t know, maybe like half the people under 30 are utterly clueless about how to interact with other human beings. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/56 "2023-11-19T20:43:48Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Then you have all these women who think they are queens and deserve to be with some 6’1" millionaire because reasons. So I don’t know, maybe like half the people under 30 are utterly clueless about how to interact with other human beings. I recall these types in the 80s. Are there more now? ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/57 "2023-11-19T21:19:13Z")
If anything, there should be fewer, since a millionaire’s money went further back then… ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2023, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/58 "2023-11-19T21:20:51Z")
I think millionaire means more a very rich person rather than being literal. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2023, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/59 "2023-11-20T01:41:25Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I still stand by my theory that young singles don’t want to settle down because it’s more fun to be young and single. Look, I love my wife and kids and all. But I also remember a time when I could stay out all night with my buddies or head off skiing in Vermont or fly to Vegas or hook up with a girl I just met in a bar without having to ask anybody. Or even just sleep in on Saturday and watch TV and play videogames all weekend without having to run a million errands. I can see why a lot of men might not want to give that up in favor of big mortgage payments and changing diapers for just anyone. That’s kind of what I was getting at as well- without the massive societal pressure to get married, have kids, etc… there’s really very little incentive for young people to get married early or lightly- it’s _fun_ to be single, and unless you’ve found the person willing to make you give it up, why even put any effort into the search? It’ll happen if and when it happens, and that’s somewhat independent of your own effort. > [@msmith537](#): > > As a 51 year old Gen-X (married with 2 kids and several homes) I assure you we were just as ambivalent about those things in our 20s (and sometimes 30s). Until we weren’t. > > Look at how Gen X and older Millennials are portrayed in shows like Friends, Seinfeld, Sex And The City, How I Met Your Mother, Girls, and any number of Hollywood rom-coms. Those shoes are not too far off from my own observations and experience at that age (albeit with better writers and a more attractive cast). Basically working, hanging out in bars with your friends, and strings of relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. I’m 51 myself, and I agree. I just feel like younger people have less pressure than we did; we got the pressure from parents and grandparents, but we just ignored it or angrily fought back. I didn’t get married until I was 35 myself. I get the distinct impression that Gen-X parents aren’t bugging their Gen-Z children nearly so much. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2023, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203/60 "2023-11-20T02:36:26Z")
So I think there a different questions that are being conflated here, only one of which was asked in the OP: - A: Are young people getting married and having children less than previous generations. - B: Are young people getting into less long term relationships than previous generations - C: Are young people more likely to NOT WANT a long term relationship than previous generations. The OP asked question C. I do think the answer to A is definitely yes (there are pretty ambiguous numbers there). The answer to B may be yes, I’ve seen some evidence to that effect, but what read was based on surveys, so not sure how statistically sound it is. Even if it is that doesn’t automatically make the answer to C true. Everything I’ve read says young people are finding it more difficult to find people to get into long term relationships with (similarly they are also less likely to have many friends, and no one is claiming that is voluntary) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/are-young-singles-relationship-averse/993203.md?page=4)