# Area Mom Feels Free to Hang Out in the Men's Locker Room **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 26, 2015, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069 "2015-03-26T22:52:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/141 "2015-03-31T09:50:41Z")
Capturing just the audio is better than nothing at all. Just point it in her general direction. ETA: your OP situation was bizarre, I must say. ---
**Author:** ![Teach-me-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@Teach-me-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teach-me-not)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/142 "2015-03-31T11:21:32Z")
I don’t see the issue in this scenario 😕. I would just give her a heads up that I am going to change. Then depending on her reaction, I would proceed to change, or request her to leave, or call the management, or whatever. Of course, this would only work if the person is ok with changing in front of someone of the opposite gender, which I am fine with. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/143 "2015-03-31T11:23:43Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Capturing just the audio is better than nothing at all. Just point it in her general direction. > ETA: your OP situation was bizarre, I must say. I definitely thought so! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/144 "2015-03-31T12:51:37Z")
Has the management been informed that there was a mistake made when the new change-room signs were installed? ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/145 "2015-03-31T15:43:02Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > **get lives** suggests that he can’t smile at a baby without being glared at like he’s a criminal–not that it happens occasionally, but that it happens every single time. That’s what I think is most likely a delusion. > > If he says that once in awhile it happens, I’m far likelier to believe him. It’s not every time, but so what? I’m very sensitive to posture and facial expression, and have a long memory for pain of any type. Just a few times was enough. I gave up, unless I’m with my family. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/146 "2015-03-31T15:46:59Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > It’s not every time, but so what? I’m very sensitive to posture and facial expression, and have a long memory for pain of any type. Just a few times was enough. I gave up, unless I’m with my family. “So what” is you saying: > [@you](#): > > I can’t even smile at children when I’m out in public without my family. Women look at me like I’m a criminal. Yeah, I’m talking to you, every woman under the age of 50 who’s reading this. The pendulum has swung a little too far in the other direction, IMHO. [emphasis, of course, added] This claim was, as I said earlier, likely a delusion. Your new claim appears slightly different. Let me see if I understand it: you’re saying something like, “Over the course of my life, a few times, women have glared at me when I smiled at their babies. I’m so sensitive that just a few times of this happening means I won’t smile at kids any more.” Is that correct? Now your claim doesn’t come across as a delusion–but it also doesn’t come across as anything more than a personal problem, one best solved by being less sensitive to perceived slights and less willing to paint all “women under the age of 50” with the broad brush you painted them with. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/147 "2015-03-31T16:17:37Z")
_sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/148 "2015-03-31T18:12:37Z")
See what you’ve done _now_ **LOHD**? **get lives** probably will give up posting because every poster here, yeah I’m talking to you every poster on the SD, is mean to him. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/149 "2015-03-31T18:23:46Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > See what you’ve done _now_ **LOHD**? **get lives** probably will give up posting because every poster here, yeah I’m talking to you every poster on the SD, is mean to him. > > 🙂 This place is basically a more intellectual version of the YouTube comments section. But kindness doesn’t abound online, in a general sense. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/150 "2015-03-31T19:32:44Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > Just amble up to them, all friendly-like, and ask… > > “Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?” “Joey, do you like gladiator movies?” ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/151 "2015-03-31T20:25:23Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > This place is basically a more intellectual version of the YouTube comments section. But kindness doesn’t abound online, in a general sense. That’s absolutely true. Why, just the other day I saw someone accuse all women under the age of 50 of being nasty to innocent guys smiling at kids. (Seriously, do you see yourself in a position to criticize the kindness of others?) ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2015, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/152 "2015-03-31T23:47:46Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > That’s absolutely true. Why, just the other day I saw someone accuse all women under the age of 50 of being nasty to innocent guys smiling at kids. > > (Seriously, do you see yourself in a position to criticize the kindness of others?) I’m the one trying to avoid creeping paranoid people out. It looks to me like, since I’m not bothering to lecture random paranoid women about their paranoia, that I AM being kind. As for complaining about it here, it’s not like I started a thread about it. It was an offhand comment, mainly. Why not just let it the fuck go? Are you pursuing this for some grand purpose of some type? That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t answer it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/153 "2015-04-01T01:31:58Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > I’m the one trying to avoid creeping paranoid people out. It looks to me like, since I’m not bothering to lecture random paranoid women about their paranoia, that I AM being kind. As for complaining about it here, it’s not like I started a thread about it. It was an offhand comment, mainly. Why not just let it the fuck go? Are you pursuing this for some grand purpose of some type? That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t answer it. I am, seriously, going to try to phrase this as kindly as possible. Your responded to comment does not come off as trying to avoid creeping paranoid people out but about your paranoia. You’ve now stated that maybe in fact there have been _a few_ times that you (self-admittedly extremely “very sensitive” and with a “long memory” for perceived offense) experienced some slight negative reaction and felt that such warranted the conclusion that it is hard to be a male because all women under 50 will treat you like a criminal if you even smile at a baby. As part of a group of males who were bemoaning how unfair the world is to males now, such an unfair playing field, at risk of being charged as a sexual predator for changing in the men’s room, one single word from a women capable of completely ruin their lives, under suspicion just because they’re men … Rhetorical question or not there is an answer: the thread had veered in that paranoid direction so responding was appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/154 "2015-04-01T01:55:19Z")
Put in me in the bracket that votes for a family changing room AKA parents with young kids. Beyond that if the kid is young enough to need parental assistance, the parent should use their own sex changing room. It is rude beyond belief to use the opposite sex changing room. If the kid is autistic or otherwise needs help, again family room. Does this place not have toilets? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/155 "2015-04-01T02:30:43Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > Are you pursuing this for some grand purpose of some type? Actually, yes, I am: if you’ll only admit that you were painting women with too broad a brush, if you’ll only grant women the individual treatment that you’d like to receive instead of treating them as representatives of their gender as you fear they do to you–if you’ll only do this, all the Mens Rights Advocates on the planet have agreed to lay down their weapons, to stop tweeting rape threats at female journalists, and go home. It’s hard to imagine a grander purpose than that. Unless, of course, I was posting here for the same reason I always do, which is to say, I enjoy doing so. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/156 "2015-04-01T03:50:49Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Actually, yes, I am: if you’ll only admit that you were painting women with too broad a brush, if you’ll only grant women the individual treatment that you’d like to receive instead of treating them as representatives of their gender as you fear they do to you–if you’ll only do this, all the Mens Rights Advocates on the planet have agreed to lay down their weapons, to stop tweeting rape threats at female journalists, and go home. It’s hard to imagine a grander purpose than that. > > Unless, of course, I was posting here for the same reason I always do, which is to say, I enjoy doing so. If I smile at a kid, and his mom gives me a look indicating that she fears me as a result of this smile, even if it’s only one out of 50 or 100, that disturbs me. I truly want to avoid making people uncomfortable in my presence. I’m not going to make jokes or insult people, unlike you, because this issue is a little too real for that, IMHO. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/157 "2015-04-01T09:51:31Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Put in me in the bracket that votes for a family changing room AKA parents with young kids. > > Beyond that if the kid is young enough to need parental assistance, the parent should use their own sex changing room. It is rude beyond belief to use the opposite sex changing room. If the kid is autistic or otherwise needs help, again family room. > > Does this place not have toilets? It does, although not separately from the locker rooms. The mom was just a few feet away from the toilet area (three urinals and two stalls) in the men’s locker room. Though I’d still rather she not walk through. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/158 "2015-04-01T13:32:47Z")
> [@get\_lives](#): > > If I smile at a kid, and his mom gives me a look indicating that she fears me as a result of this smile, even if it’s only one out of 50 or 100, that disturbs me. I truly want to avoid making people uncomfortable in my presence. Nobody here has criticized you for not smiling. Nobody. That’s your decision. What you’ve been criticized for is making ugly broad-brush claims about all women under the age of fifty. > [@](#): > > I’m not going to make jokes or insult people, unlike you, because this issue is a little too real for that, IMHO. YMMV First, except you did insult people, which is what started this off; and second, no, it’s really not a real problem. One out of 100 people are kind of crazy, and if their craziness extends no further than being suspicious of a dude that smiles at their kid, that’s not actually rising to the level of a real problem. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/159 "2015-04-01T13:43:12Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Nobody here has criticized you for not smiling. Nobody. That’s your decision. What you’ve been criticized for is making ugly broad-brush claims about all women under the age of fifty. > First, except you did insult people, which is what started this off; and second, no, it’s really not a real problem. One out of 100 people are kind of crazy, and if their craziness extends no further than being suspicious of a dude that smiles at their kid, that’s not actually rising to the level of a real problem. It’s a real problem to me, but I’m not blaming individual people. I just ask that those who read this try to be aware that not every man under 50 by himself, out in public, is a sex offender. LOL ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069/160 "2015-04-01T13:47:25Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Nobody here has criticized you for not smiling. Nobody. That’s your decision. What you’ve been criticized for is making ugly broad-brush claims about all women under the age of fifty. I felt like I \*was \*being criticized for not smiling/interacting with other people’s kids when mine aren’t present, even though (maybe even _because?!?_) I said I don’t fault other parents for having this attitude, and in fact copped to it myself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/area-mom-feels-free-to-hang-out-in-the-mens-locker-room/716069.md?page=9)