# Areas of your life where you have failed to be a functioning adult **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2016, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261 "2016-04-05T15:31:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/81 "2016-04-09T12:57:19Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’m not married, have no kids, don’t have a house. Could I get those things? Yeah, but I really don’t want them. Lots of people consider you a failure as an adult until you are married with children and a mortgage. Well they’ll consider _me_ one, too. No wife, kids, house, car, furniture, or white goods, I live alone in a furnished apartment my employer provides. I own clothes, luggage, laptop, phone, tablet and three coffee makers (Aeropress, drip machine and cafetiere). …and a sharp knife for cooking! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/82 "2016-04-09T13:44:51Z")
I have no sense of direction. Absolutely none. I have to memorize the entire route to anywhere to get there, and I get lost in my own city. It’s genetic. My siblings suffer the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/83 "2016-04-09T14:10:27Z")
I was once invited to go to Vietnam with other functioning adults. That was something I could not do. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/84 "2016-04-09T14:40:14Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > That’s a sore subject with me. I often get reprimanded with extreme prejudice by our community HOA for keeping my X-mas decorations up past 12:01AM, December 26. I swear, the old biddy HOA president does nothing but putter up and down my street every day looking for something she can punish me for. I won’t stoop so low as to Godwinize this post…however, she is a dead ringer Joseph Stalin. > > \*“Hey, maybe I like to keep Inflatable Santa up through Easter to represent Jesus dying for your sins, lady” \*(Santa looks a little like Jesus when I deflate him a bit); and keeping the X-mas lights up through July 4 represents _‘the bombs bursting in air’_, you unpatriotic old biddy.” > > It’s not just X-mas decorations: > > \*“You have 15 days to remove the poison ivy growing on your fence.” (hey, I don’t have poison ivy on my fence, Ms. Horticulturist…it’s poison oak). \* > > _“You have 15 days to disinter the body you buried in your front yard last week.” (hey, we just wanted grandma to be close to grandpa)._ Ok, I made that one up, but, you get my point. > > I’m just ticked off because just just yesterday I spent $300 to get my roof pressure-washed in response to, \*“your case will be brought before the board April 15 and you will be fined daily if you don’t remove the mold from your roof.” \*The pressure-washer guy said there was no mold on my roof, it was just a little dirt. > > My only satisfaction comes in making her send an initial letter, then two certified letters to comply before I do as she demands. This is my _“Attica.”_ Your post made me think of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dl49e7zWpk): ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/85 "2016-04-09T14:43:11Z")
When my grandfather was a young man, several of the older males in the family (his uncles, father, etc) were caring for some grape vines. My grandfather tried his best to help, but was shooed away by the others, who told him that caring for grapes was terribly complicated & could only be done by adults. _many years pass_ My grandfather moved into a house which had some grapes growing in the side yard. He was terrified - because, somehow, he’d made it to adulthood without having been taught how to properly care for grapes. Rather than admit defeat, he got a book & did a little reading. Then, it finally dawned on him, four decades later, that the adults had lied. They just hadn’t wanted a loud pesky kid interrupting their conversation. It had never been about the grapes. As for myself, I was one of the last people to become an adult before cell phones became a thing. I don’t need one before. I don’t need one now. Besides, if I did have one, people would probably try to call me. There’s just no need for that. I don’t go to the doctor unless I’m sick. That goes for eye doctors, dentists, auto mechanics, etc. When I need one, I’m the first one in line. But, if I can see just fine, I’m not going to go to the optometrist. Nobody goes to a psychologist for a check-up. “Yes… I see… Your life is perfectly balanced… See you next year!” ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2016, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/86 "2016-04-09T16:04:35Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I have no sense of direction. Absolutely none. I have to memorize the entire route to anywhere to get there, and I get lost in my own city. > > It’s genetic. My siblings suffer the same thing. My brother – a highly intelligent guy, and in most ways much more “functioning” than me – is the same. I’m not brilliant in that department, but am considerably more able therein, than him. I tend to feel: people are just “wired” various ways, and it’s often random. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/87 "2016-04-10T02:19:23Z")
_sniff_ _sniff_ Hello everyone. My name is **DCnDC** and I have never actually used an outdoor grill entirely on my own. I’ve added stuff to one that’s already been fired up and ready to go, but I’ve never done it start to finish on my own. I’ve known since childhood it’s my civic duty as an American male to do so, but I’ve simply never had to. Additionally, if a car breaks down, I have absolutely no idea how to even begin fixing it. I realize these days that’s not so uncommon anymore, but I still feel shameful about it. All I know is I’m still obligated to open the hood and stare at it as if I have any idea what the issue could be, confidently proclaiming something like, “Probably the alternator!” or “I think the fuel pump is shot!” while having no idea what those phrases actually mean or what to do about it if that really was the problem. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/88 "2016-04-10T03:46:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Back when Nancy Regan told everyone, “Just Say No”, I said, “well, if nobody else wants any, pass it over here”. My mother made me say “No thank you.” Speaking of my mother, I sent a call of hers straight to voice mail, because I was involved in a game of Monopoly on my phone. That was not very adult of me, especially since some difficult family things are going on now, and she probably didn’t just want to chat. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/89 "2016-04-10T04:54:05Z")
I’ve never bought a house. That’s pretty weird for people of my age (46) income (middle class) and region (Omaha). ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/90 "2016-04-10T05:17:22Z")
I own _ **a** _ suit. I haven’t worn it in, at least, 6 years, so it probably doesn’t fit any more. I don’t like suits anyway. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/91 "2016-04-10T10:28:58Z")
I’m 60 and have never been able to converse knowledgeably about sports. In most social events, the men invariably gather in a group and talk about who did what with which ball last week. Apparently, the male-behavior-regulating-commitee met decades ago and ruled this the only allowable subject for men. For me, it means I stand around at gatherings making half-hearted attempts to join in, but am always rebuffed for violating the Prime Directive. Other male: “Whatcha been up to pullin?” me: “Well, I went to Kentucky last month and joined a historical cave expedition by the park service. You see, we were only allowed tools from the 1800’s and had to carry burning lanterns and explore only with period specific guideli…” Other male: “Did ya’ll see when Buford throwed that ball yesterday?” a little later… Other male: “What’s goin’ on, pullin?” me: “I’m outfitting my boat to travel the entire Laguna Madre this spring. I’m using a fuel-flow meter and measuring my total fuel requirements. It’s a really interesting flyway for bird migration and I’ve also…” Other male: “Did anybody hear they’s tradin’ Buford cuz he couldn’t catch them balls last week?” a little later… Other male: “What’s shakin’ pullin?” me: “Well, I was wandering around the deer lease in the four-wheeler last week, and I found the foundations of an old homestead. I saw some odd shaped rocks in heavy brush and measured them with a laser measure. They were in an exact rectangle and further back I found some perrenials growing in an exact straight line! These were obviously…” Other male: “Did ya’ll see when Buford dropped that ball Sunday?” For some reason, I simply cannot grasp the appeal of watching other men dress in matching outfits and play with balls. And my inability to master this aspect of adulthood puts me forever on the outside of male camaradarie. Sigh. Maybe one day I’ll grow up. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/92 "2016-04-10T13:01:15Z")
Leaving the house without something being wrong with my outfit. Buttons buttoned wrong. Sweater inside out. Pant hem coming undone. Socks mismatched. Eating food without getting all over my face. Remembering to look in the mirror when I’m washing my hands in the restroom. This would solve most of my problems, but I always forget to do this. ---
**Author:** ![Fleetwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fleetwood/32/271_2.png) [@Fleetwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fleetwood)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/93 "2016-04-10T20:58:56Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > Sigh. Maybe one day I’ll grow up. Nah, just try to pay attention to ol’ Buford. You’ll be fine. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2016, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/94 "2016-04-10T21:51:27Z")
shoot, **pullin** , I’m with you. I understand what ol’Buford did with the ball last week, I just don’t care. Shoot \ I’m more interested in yer boat, and cavin’ you say using only 1800’s tools, implements and clothing? Hell how does get any more manly than that? Y’all got MY attention friend! \ the old foundation yuh found, sounds interestin’ n’ all but I’d just keep that 'tween us two if it were me. \ Now, tell me about this boat of yours, how long is it,in board or outboard… My adulthood goes into failure mode when I’m temporarily responsible for children I don’t have to keep and/or clean up after. Ice Cream/cake/cookies/brownies for Dinner/Breakfast? check Candy for afternoon snack _and_ after dinner dessert? check skip naptime? check (caveat, naptime usually sneaks up and catches us anyway) Chili for lunch? You Betcha Toys strewn from one end of the house to the other? Yes Toys in the ceiling mounted light fixtures? as long as not flammable/meltable Playing in the sprinklers all afternoon with no change of clothes to ride home in mommy/daddy’s car? Every Chance I Get! (but only if it lasts to within 5 minutes of Mommy or Daddy picking up said children) [snoopy dance] So looking forward to being a ♫Grandpa♫ [/snoopy dance] ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/95 "2016-04-11T00:24:26Z")
I’m very nearly fifty years old and have $528 saved for my retirement. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/96 "2016-04-11T00:31:47Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve never bought a house. Me neither. I’ve also never bought any furniture. Unless dog beds count as furniture. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/97 "2016-04-11T02:36:52Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I have no sense of direction. Absolutely none. I have to memorize the entire route to anywhere to get there, and I get lost in my own city. > > It’s genetic. My siblings suffer the same thing. It’s too bad we can’t team up to cover each others weaknesses. I’m a fantastic navigator. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/98 "2016-04-11T07:23:09Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > I’m very nearly fifty years old and have $528 saved for my retirement. This one is scary. Do you have any plans for how you will get by in later years? I have a few cousins, in their 70’s now, who have absolutely zilch in savings. One of them has been couch-surfing with a friend for several months now. The other lives in a rather nice apartment in San Francisco, highly subsidized by a Catholic charity. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/99 "2016-04-11T08:43:20Z")
41, Male. - I don’t drive and have no intention of learning how to. It seems that it makes me sub-human to some people, or at least not quite a real man. - I don’t own a house and probably never will. - I’m not interested in using tools and working around the house. ---
**Author:** ![Blackstock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c77e96/32.png) [@Blackstock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackstock)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261/100 "2016-04-11T08:58:46Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > 41, Male. > > - I don’t drive and have no intention of learning how to. It seems that it makes me sub-human to some people, or at least not quite a real man. > > - I don’t own a house and probably never will. > > - I’m not interested in using tools and working around the house. 32, male, never had a driving license (though I’m a very good driver). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/areas-of-your-life-where-you-have-failed-to-be-a-functioning-adult/751261.md?page=6)