# Aren't Facebook friends mutual?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [March 18, 2011, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126 "2011-03-18T07:20:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 8
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/1 "2011-03-18T07:20:24Z")
I looked up a facebook member “John”. John’s friends list contained FB member “Joe”. Went to Joe’s FB page but his friends list did not contain John. Why not? Don’t both parties have to decide to become friends? Could a person be on a friends list of someone they don’t even know?
---
### Author:  [@beartato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beartato)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/2 "2011-03-18T08:01:22Z")
Are you friends with Joe? You can set it up so that your friend list is not viewable to people who are not your friends.
Also, though both people have to confirm their friendship initially, one person can “unfriend” the other at a later time. So Joe may have unfriended John. John could not have friended Joe without Joe’s knowledge.
---
### Author:  [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/3 "2011-03-18T08:35:27Z")
Both friends lists were visible to me so it must be a case of “unfriending”. Thanks Bear.
---
### Author:  [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/4 "2011-03-18T09:17:08Z")
Doesn’t unfriending affect both parties, though?
---
### Author:  [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/5 "2011-03-18T11:49:41Z")
Yeah, if one unfriends the other, they disappear from both lists.
I can’t think of how that could happen, Peanuthead.
---
### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/6 "2011-03-18T11:50:45Z")
> [@Reply](#):
>
> Doesn’t unfriending affect both parties, though?
I believe so. Perhaps it doesn’t change until Joe logs in? Or Facebook is a bit behind?
---
### Author:  [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/7 "2011-03-18T11:56:48Z")
Look at some of John’s other friends and see if he’s listed on those pages (make sure they aren’t your friends). It’s probably a privacy issue…or a fluke, facebook isn’t known for running glitch free.
---
### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/arent-facebook-friends-mutual/575126/8 "2011-03-18T13:46:38Z")
If you’re friends with both the people, it’s possible that John has the setting turned off so that he doesn’t appear on any friends lists. It’s a privacy setting. You can let 1) the general public, 2) facebook members, 3) friends of friends, 4) friends, or 5) nobody see it (I think, going off memory here since I’m at work and facebook is blocked).