Aren't insults towards a poster's family off limits?

About This Message Board
41

And yet most people care about being insulted so much that we had to create a special forum for it.

All I asked was whether insults directed at your family hurt more than being directed at you. I’m curious if people here (unlike most people I know) would rather their family be insulted than them.

If so, I can understand. If not, the rule seems arbitrary. I’ll put up with it, but I’ll be here in spite of it. And I’ll let it drop, just like I have been since a different pit thread that barely mentioned me.

BTW, in that pit thread, I explained why I was easily upset based on how crappy I was feeling. But here’s the thing: I changed my behavior. But nobody notices that. I’m getting blasted for stuff I don’t do anymore.

(If I slip up, point it out to me. Assuming I get back to the thread, I’ll apologize, if that will make you happy, even if I’m practically raising a zombie.)

42

…so…you’re equating “gay” with “mentally ill”? :dubious:

You see asking a gay guy who’s been in a committed relationship for 10 years popping into “Hey, I’m having a relationship problem, what’s your advice?” thread the same as an acrophobic (? Fear of flying) guy who’s never been in a plane in his life popping into a thread about how to sit comfortably on an airplane seat and spewing bizarre opinions?

This board is not designed to be a support system for you. This board should not be structured around your apparent fragility. You keep trying to change thr

Gay men will never see a post like this. “As I said, you probably ran out of time. perhaps you had to go out and fuck a woman.” No matter how mad you get. You don’t have to face posts like “As I said, you probably ran out of time. Perhaps you had a seizure while posting.”

And there’s your problem: No-one. Literally no person on this board*, including “Cecil” is treated with “deference”.

“Teh Ghey” is not a disease or illness. Really.

Repeating: This board is not here for your therapy. You seem to think the entire board should switch to some bizarre group-encounter mode so that you can be more comfortable. It isn’t and I doubt it will. I’ll certainly fight against a change like that. If you say something stoopid, yes, you’re going to be made fun of even though you have some kind of mental illness. You don’t get a free pass. You want a snark-free board and an environment where you’ll get hugz and support and bunnies and flowers? Get an encounter group. Host it yourself. Have a blast. But these whiney “Be nice to me. I’m sick like teh gheyz. Stop being mean to each other tooooooo.” posts are annoying as fuck.

*Ok, maybe Quadop.

43

It was about 2008, pre-November. Some male doper was talking about how his dad was an ex-career diplomat-corps/military type and how disgusted his dad was with Bush II’s foreign policy. Someone called the poster’s dad either fictional or a liar or both. Tomndebb stepped in and said that it wasn’t cool and no calling that doper’s dad a liar but was clear it wasn’t a general policy.

If your dad isn’t a military/diplomatic guy who was disgusted with Bush II’s foreign policy, then it wasn’t you and I apologize for bringing you into it.

44

Wow. Really bad post fail. Let me try this again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Munch View Post
Hilarious. No one’s trying to “figure out how you think” - no one cares. What they are doing is getting pissed off at your constant moralizing paired with your inability to integrate any subsequent criticism aimed back at you. If you’re so good at chameleonizing into a board culture, why does this behavior of yours repeat itself over and over and over?

Yes, you are. Look at this thread alone. People are maligning my motives. My motives are how I think. If it isn’t relevant, why am I being attacked for how I think and therefore post?

And I’m sorry, I see everything I do on this board done by other people on this board all the time. If I have mod permission, I’ll name names. But let’s just say there’s one Pit thread right now where a guy is saying crap about other people while he does it himself.

Quote:
Sorry, but it’s not irrelevant. If you have a difficult time dealing with interactions that cause you to become angry, you should stop creating interactions that cause you to become angry. Anything less is highly hypocritical.

I don’t “create interactions” in any meaningful way. I hardly ever start threads, and any time I’m mad I responding to someone else who made me mad. When you post a post that makes me mad I used to call you out directly for it. I see it all the time in threads, and have been told it’s part of the “character” of this board.

It isn’t my fault when people choose to respond poorly. “He’s calling me out. I have to come up with something to be angry at him about that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.” That sort of thing is why I said what I said that started the pit thread. Even if the guy was a full out pedohphile, it was irrelevant to a thread about a guy wanting to effectively rape another guy’s daughter.

And, yet, despite how I feel about all the above, I have cut down completely on it outside the Pit, where I go to vent. I even called myself a hypocrite in the thread that you guys are dragging back up. I apologized for doing the same crap that I call people out for, did my best to stop doing it, and yet people are still bringing up old wounds.

Heck, this is a thread about a moderating decision, and perhaps can be misinterpreted as a request for a rule. And yet, I am being called to defend behavior that I’ve done my best to stop doing. How am I supposed to take that seriously?

If you don’t pay attention to my posts, then bringing up stuff from the past like it’s typical me is dishonest. You don’t know how I usually post. You could just be seeing my bad posts, and have selection bias.

45

That sounds like my dad, but I don’t remember the thread. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I’ve posted in a lot of threads and have a memory like a goldfish anymore. It sounds more like somebody was calling me a liar. Oh well, whatever I said, it was true. My dad makes me look measured and reasonable when he talks about Bush.

46

Stop perverting my posts. I get sick and tired of it. Yeah, you have the right to do it, but again, why should I take it seriously?

I never said gay people were sick. Why is their being well or sick even factor into it? I said that, like being gay, people do not choose to be sick. This board freaks out if you treat a minority badly, but the mentally ill don’t count for some reason.

Plus, there is deference. There are things you consider off-limits to say to certain classes of people. But the mentally ill are for some reason not on that list. What logical difference is there?

Do I really have to come up with a list of things you won’t say? I mentioned things you won’t say to gay people. Should I go on to black people? Women (which aren’t really a minority, but are classed as such because we treated them so badly)? Little people? The handicapped?

It’s a societal problem, and a big issue for me. I want the mentally ill to have the same rights as everyone else, and the same respect as everyone else. I get tired of us being the brunt of jokes. Fortunately it doesn’t happen much here, but, when it does, I will show people the error of their ways. I have to fight ignorance, after all.

It’s my issue that I fight for. I have that right, even if you disagree.

47

Looking at this thread alone, it appears that you are being a big whiny baby. I’m pretty sure this has much to do with the way people respond to you.

Seriously, dude, you’re being a big whiny baby. You really can’t see it?

48

Forgot one thing: I don’t take the pollyanna crap seriously anymore, either, as again I’ve mostly stopped doing it. Fenris, you don’t post on this message board hardly at all. You pretty much left, and yet you know so much about every post I make. Odd, huh? Could it possibly be that you are out of date?

The only polyanna thing I can think I still do is point out something an arguer isn’t considering when they are fighting with someone else, but that’s just basic courtesy, and again happens a lot on this board, even in the Pit where you think it wouldn’t. If you have a problem with that, I’m far from the top of the list.

49

Okay, so friends who make misogynistic statements=good. People who criticize the mentally ill=evil. People who criticize those who want to jizz in five year olds = good. Have I got it all straight?

50

No. I’m not. I get that this is a textual medium, and you can’t pick up nearly as well on tone. You are subconsciously interpreting my posts based on your own projections of why you would write the way I do. Newsflash to your subconscious: I’m not you.

It is not whining to refute direct criticism of myself. It’s not whining to point out how people are pulling up crap from the past.

Whining is this: “Woe, pitiful me. Why does everybody always hate me? You guys are just big meanie heads.” All I’ve done is refute posts. The whiny tone is in your head. Try reading my posts more objectively, and assume the best possible interpretations. If it looks like it could possibly not be whining, it isn’t.

One final note: I’m getting tired. It honestly sucks to have to defend yourself when all you wanted was clarification on a rule. I’m pretty sure I met the challenge of responding to criticism, no matter how ill-founded I thought it was. And the topic I came here for has been answered.

BTW, I emphatically do not request this thread be closed. Apparently some people think that’s chickening out, too.

51

Oh please. You complained when someone insulted Charlie Brown. :rolleyes:
Mental illness isn’t an excuse. It doesn’t give people license to misbehave. It doesn’t mean they can pull the, “But I can’t help breaking the law/beating my kids/hitting people/etc! I’m bipolar/schizophrenic/have BPD!!!” Surely you’ve read threads here about people with toxic relatives. Do you know right from wrong? Then fuck the excuses.

You ARE getting the same “deference”. People judge you based on your ACTIONS. And like it or not, people are going to be judged on their prior actions as well. If someone has a history of being a jackass, then they’re going to been SEEN as a jackass. That’s not “holding a grudge.” That’s judging a person by their actions.

If people use being gay as an EXCUSE to be ASSHOLES, they’d get called on it. Ditto being black/Asian/female/male/fat/whatever. It has NOTHING to do with you being mentally ill. It has to do with you using it as an excuse.
And guess what? I have OCD too. I don’t use it as an excuse. I also have ADHD. When I was a kid, I tried using as an excuse to get out of trouble. ONCE. My parents didn’t buy it. Did I know what I was doing was wrong? Yes. Did I have a choice whether or not to do it? Yes. Well, then I had to take the blame myself.

I have empathy, but it only goes so far. You know, the whole, “so open-minded your brain falls out?”
People make fun of me all the time. Who cares?
(I do think, however, I should have free-reign to make fun of Flyers and/or Browns fans. Because they deserve it for rooting for such sucky teams. :smiley:
Fenris – maybe it was because of the whole, “don’t call people liars outside of the Pit” thing?

52

No. There are things I consider off-limits to say to everyone. I won’t call a white guy a nigger any more than I’d call a black guy one. I try not to use affirmative action for my insults.

No, dude. YOU are the brunt of jokes not “mentally ill people” (I 100% agree with Fiveroptic’s assessment).

We’ve had people here with every conceivable mental illness. Sometimes they couldn’t conform to the board rules and were banned, others post quite happily. some are treated with extreme kindness, others aren’t…depending on their behavior. You’re just the only one ever who’s been on a crusade to make the entire board a safe, padded bubble of hugzzzz so that you, personally, will be happier.

“You go, girl”, to quote the famous phrase. Fight for for a Snark-Free SDMB! Huzzah and three cheers. I’m not “The man” and I’m not trying to stifle your rights. But I’m going to oppose you and point and laugh as your crusade for a kinder, gentler SDMB crashes and burns.

By the way, the “I’m just crusading for mentally ill people against all the evil anti-mentally ill people” thing…on this board? Why not try to start a crusade to protect, say, oh…poor, disadvantaged minority people from big corporate types on this particular board too. This board is one of the most open and welcoming general-discussion boards to people with mental illnesses I’ve ever seen. Oh, hey! You could also start some threads about how people here don’t object enough to tea-party ideas as well! :slight_smile:
PS–

um. You…do know it’s possible to read stuff on the board, without posting, constantly right? I mean…it HAS occurred to you that you don’t HAVE to respond to every post you read? (Actually, maybe it hasn’t). I don’t post as much as I used to but I still post. And I read…a lot. I see you all the time, in many threads I read . (Yes, I know about the “ignore” function) And you “pollyanna’d” just recently in the LindsayBluth thread as part of the idiotic series of posts you keep making about how past posting history doesn’t matter.

53

I have. The illness in question, as it happens, was agoraphobia. The Straight Dope was an invaluable resource in helping me get a handle on my illness, and overcome it. And through that whole process, I never came under the sort of attacks you seem to draw so regularly.

54

First off, I’m surprised/impressed by the amount of effort BigT is putting into this. I would have bet strongly against it occurring.

No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong - the horse goes in *FRONT *of the cart, not the other way around. People are maligning your posts. We honestly do not care what your motives are, or how you think. They certainly inform how you act, but it’s frankly far too much effort to figure out how you think and complain about it - it’s incredibly easy to just bitch about how you act, because you provide so many ample opportunities to do so.

Paragraphs like this are frustrating. I have absolutely no idea what the hell you’re trying to convey. Please restate.

No, that’s obvious - you typically avoid them at all costs, it seems. And that’s what frustrates so many of us. But seriously - every time you post is an interaction, right? You’re responding to something, and by posting you’re hoping to express yourself and open your viewpoint up to discussion. It’s when things don’t seem to go your way that you suddenly disappear. For a very long time, it would be you responding to something you viewed as immoral, people would get pissed off because they don’t like being moralized to, and a week or so later you’d declare how great of a poster you are because you take everyone’s feedback, and then moralize immediately after that.

When you criticize someone’s posting style, you better as fuck be ready for others to criticize yours. You have figured that out, right?

You mean other than this thread? Because this thread perfectly summarizes what annoys the shit out of us.

No, this thread was not about a moderating decision. Reread your OP, I think you’ve gotten confused somewhere down the line. It’s you calling RTFirefly out for something that you could have either reported or Pitted - but you chose Option C: Passive Aggressiveness.

55

And what the hell were you trying to accomplish anyway? RTF’s posts were kinda dickish, the mod told him to knock it off and…hey presto, he did. End of problem.

Did you want him warned for that? Banned!? As best as I can parse your semi-coherent OP, you’re upset that…Spectre…didn’t have RTF beaten by the SDMB Goon Squad, banned and then beaten again?

How did that post even effect you? It wasn’t directed at you, RTF didn’t complain, no warnings were issued…the only precedent it sets is that Spectre is an overall relatively mellow mod not prone to overreacting to a few dickish/snarky comments.

It sure sounds like, once again, you’re whining about the mods not modding EXACTLY the way you like because the board has sharp edges that remind you that not everything is butterflies and lollipops. The mods will never (I hope) change the board such that a mildly snotty comment or two like RTFs will be ban-worthy and it will (I assume) keep bothering you.

As far as I can tell, your choices are:

  1. Get the fuck over it and learn to live with it

  2. Go away and set up a “Happy thoughts all the time” board and ban anyone who says anything not 100% supportive of anyone else.

  3. Keep lobbying that the board should be made BigT-Friendly* or BigT-Safe so you don’t have to encounter any nastiness, however insignificant, between posters. Note that if you choose this option, people WILL object. Because no-one…I venture to say that not one single solitary poster here…wants a board where RTF would have been formally warned or banned for those couple of minor snarky posts as you seem to.

  4. I dunno–those are the only ones I see.
    *Like "Child-friendly/Child-safe, but with less risk of negative interaction.

56

Wow, a BigT roast right here in About The Board. ~breaks out the hot dogs and marshmallows~

57

Not for nothing BigT, but I thought RTFFirefly was over the line with some of his commentary, and I said something to him about it in the thread. I wasn’t told off by the moderators, nor did any other posters call me names. So, maybe there is something about the way you go about things?

58

Just a minor point that I have mentioned in the past, but I always found that amusing as well.

59

As the “offended” party in that thread, I just thought the whole thing was kind of dumb. Certainly nothing that needs a new rule to address.

60

Sensitive much? BigT did not say it is an illness. He said it is a condition, a state-of-being. He is saying that illness is a condition, not a choice.

If you’re going to get huffy at BigT, at least get huffy over what he did, not what you project on him.