# Argh! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875 "2003-08-31T23:47:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/1 "2003-08-31T23:47:55Z")
I walk into the computer lab. _Everything’s going to be fine,_ I assure myself, _just pick up your timetable and your agenda and you can leave._ I turn a corner. **Her.**** She’s** here. Has she seen me? I’mprettysureshehasn’tseenmeI’lljusttiptoebyherandpickupmytimetableandthatwillbethat. **Creak.** Fucking loose tile! The office chair **She’s** sitting on swivels around. Oh boy, I’m fucked now. She’s smiling at me already. That aspartame smile, burning itself into my eyes. Her eyes are glistening like putrescent jewels. She’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, dyed a bright, sickly pink color that no human, no matter how vile or repugnant should be forced to look upon. I begin praying to Og for salvation, but it’s too late. “Gaaaaaaadfly! Hiiiiii!” _WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, YOU CANCEROUS SHE-DEMON?_ “Hi.” “Are you here to pick up your timetable?” _OF COURSE I AM, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE HERE, YOU WITCH, TO SEE YOU AGAIN?_ “Yup. I’m about to pick it up, and then I’m going to go watch a movie with some friends.” “Oooooh. I was just doing some aaartwooork while the compuuuter laab was open.” Ohnohereitcomesnotthepoutnotthepout… She adopts a pout so incredulously cute that suddenly, taking care of her every need and want becomes my new goal in life. “I’m having a bit of trouble with photoshooop… Could you heeelp me?” “Sure. What’s wrong?” Forty-five (cooing filed) minutes later, her problem’s solved. I’m about to explode. I stand up, and go to get my timetable. You made it, Gadfly. You’re a good person. You didn’t snap, and cut her head off. That’s nice. Just get your timetable. “Gaaaaaaaaadflyyy?” _WHAT IS IT NOW, YOU MEWLING BANSHEE, YOU PATHETIC, SNIVELING CHILD?_ “Thaaank yoooou.” It takes all the restraint in the world to not scream at her as I shuffle out of the lab. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/2 "2003-08-31T23:50:10Z")
So… when’s the wedding? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/3 "2003-08-31T23:51:24Z")
Eddy, please don’t make me kill you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/4 "2003-09-01T00:08:37Z")
**Gadfly** and She-Demon, sittin’ in a tree… o/~ 😃 Make you a deal. Next time you gotta go into the lab, I’ll run interference. I can handle sacrificing myself for a noble cause. ---
**Author:** ![Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muldoon_s_Squishiness)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/5 "2003-09-01T01:48:33Z")
Oh c’mon, just ask her out and get it over with. Then during the actual date, try to put the absolutlely most blatent move ever on her. Failing that, I only have the wisdom of Homer J. Simpson to offer you: "_I’m not gay, but I can learn._ ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/6 "2003-09-01T01:58:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh c’mon, just ask her out and get it over with. No. Just… No. I just hope I don’t have any classes with her this year. If I don’t, it should be fairly easy to not go insane and cut her head off. I HATE her. She is the bane of my existence. She’s annoying to the extreme, but so sickly-sweet that noone has the cajones to be mean to her. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/7 "2003-09-01T03:07:56Z")
I think I should rent myself out. For a small fee plus airfare and board, I’ll tell her off in person. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/8 "2003-09-01T10:33:09Z")
Here let me try… oops… what? no, fine… oops… hang on… there… no, wait… oops… say, where’s your backup? … Oh, sorry, that sucks … Ah, it seems I’m pretty hopeless at this. Maybe you’d best get someone else to help you. }:-D\> Or make a pass at her. It might get it resolved one way or the other 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2003, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/9 "2003-09-01T15:11:34Z")
You really should ask her out. Hear me out here. Once you are on your date, be more aggressive than you ever have been in your life. You will either creep her out and she won’t ever bother you again or you will get the grudge sex of your life. If the latter occurs, you’ll still have to help her but you’ll get maniacal sex. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/10 "2003-09-02T10:06:52Z")
Or you could kill her. Why do people never see the most obvious solution? The final solution. With a vengeance. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/11 "2003-09-02T11:00:37Z")
Sounds good. Where’s the sawzall? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/12 "2003-09-02T13:01:55Z")
“Hey. You’ve got fantastic tits. Can I see 'em?” ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/13 "2003-09-02T17:17:53Z")
> [@](#): > > I HATE her. She is the bane of my existence. She’s annoying to the extreme… So was my wife… Enjoy! 😃 Sam ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/argh/198875/14 "2003-09-02T17:48:31Z")
**Gadfly** : Tell Roz to get back in Monstropolis where she belongs.