# Artificial Insemination of Animals **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [May 3, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719 "2012-05-03T03:43:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/1 "2012-05-03T03:43:05Z")
[Link to column](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/741/how-do-they-get-the-sperm-used-in-artificial-insemination-of-animals). I think it was _Popular Science_ magazine that some years ago listed the top-10 worst jobs in the world. (“Astronaut” made the cut. I guess it’s not all glamor.) I distinctly recall “bull-semen collector” being on there. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/2 "2012-05-03T17:58:04Z")
On the TV show _Dirty Jobs_, Mike Rowe frequently finds himself breeding livestock. Judging by the TV show, collecting semen from pigs and cattle is fairly prosaic. Collecting semen from horses was pretty comical. (The stallion was quite enthusiastic.) ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/3 "2012-05-04T12:31:14Z")
Alternatively, Tony Robinson’s [“The worst jobs in history”](http://www.unofficialtonyrobinsonwebsite.co.uk/pages/worst_jobs/worst%20jobs%202.htm) ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/4 "2012-05-04T16:32:08Z")
Related question: When breeding thoroughbreds, do they us AI or do they put the horses in a barn and “let nature take it course”? ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/5 "2012-05-04T18:11:24Z")
Thoroughbreds are amongst the horse breeds that, so far, do not allow AI. Or, if AI is used, the horse is not registered. They only allow natural cover. So yes, they basically put the horses in a barn and “let nature take its course”. Considering how many progeny they can have, and the potential genetic defects that can show up due to demand for a sire, limiting the numbers of offspring is not such a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/6 "2012-05-04T18:37:52Z")
Thanks **Karl**! I don’t really follow the Sport of Kings, hence the ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/7 "2012-05-04T18:55:51Z")
That’s only for thoroughbreds in the US. Some other horse breeds, associations, and/or countries will allow A/I. ---
**Author:** ![Anthony\_Kaye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Anthony\_Kaye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anthony_Kaye)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/8 "2012-05-10T10:39:52Z")
In my vet. student days we were given a demonstration of semen collection. A stallion was brought up to the rear end of a mare on heat which was restrained in stocks. After a quick sniff out came an enormous penis. The girls in our group got very excited at this point. It was grabbed by a little man and after a good deal of flailing pushed into a collection tube. It was now obvious why he was wearing a mac and sou’wester. Had we been closer we’d have got drenched as well… He managed to collect probably quarter of a pint. One of the more unforgettable episodes in five years at vet. college. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/9 "2012-05-10T14:55:17Z")
> [@Anthony\_Kaye](#): > > In my vet. student days we were given a demonstration of semen collection. A stallion was brought up to the rear end of a mare on heat which was restrained in stocks. After a quick sniff out came an enormous penis. The girls in our group got very excited at this point. It was grabbed by a little man and after a good deal of flailing pushed into a collection tube. It was now obvious why he was wearing a mac and sou’wester. Had we been closer we’d have got drenched as well.. He managed to collect probably quarter of a pint. One of the more unforgettable episodes in five years at vet. college. Sounds like it would have been a choice moment to ask one of the female students out too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/10 "2012-05-10T15:55:30Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Sounds like it would have been a choice moment to ask one of the female students out too. 😉 Sam shyly eyed Susie as they watch his father’s bull and her father’s cow. “I wish I was doin’ that!” he blurted. “Why don’t you, Sam?” asked Susie. “After all, it’s your cow.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/11 "2012-05-10T19:04:04Z")
Shouldn’t that be “_her_ father’s bull and _his_ father’s cow”? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/12 "2012-05-10T19:16:49Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Shouldn’t that be “_her_ father’s bull and _his_ father’s cow”? Mea Culpa. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/13 "2012-05-10T20:04:06Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Shouldn’t that be “_her_ father’s bull and _his_ father’s cow”? Either that or “it’s your bull”. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/14 "2012-05-10T20:31:00Z")
But that puts a different spin on things. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/15 "2012-05-10T20:37:24Z")
I screwed up the joke, and I wasn’t even drinking. And I’ve still got Siam Sam after me. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Powers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Powers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Powers)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2012, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/16 "2012-05-10T21:27:04Z")
> [@Anthony\_Kaye](#): > > The girls in our group got very excited at this point. Uh huh. Because what girl could resist a three-foot horse dong? Powers &8^] ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/17 "2012-05-11T03:17:47Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Sam shyly eyed Susie as they watch his father’s bull and her father’s cow. > “I wish I was doin’ that!” he blurted. > “Why don’t you, Sam?” asked Susie. “After all, it’s your cow.” > 🙂 During a moment of brilliance, a man buys several sheep in hopes of breeding them for wool. He figures it’ll be an excellent way to make some extra money. After several weeks, he notices none of the sheep is pregnant and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him he should try artificial insemination. Now the guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he’d know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they’ll stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means _he_ has to impregnate the sheep. So he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing they’re all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. “Nope,” she says. “They’re all in the truck, and one of them is honking the horn.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-insemination-of-animals/620719/18 "2012-05-11T23:01:51Z")
It surely beats my joke, but you didn’t dis Siam Sam.