# Artificial tits **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902 "2011-02-10T16:06:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/1 "2011-02-10T16:06:24Z")
A weighty and important subject for sure. But they suck donkey balls. When will we have perfected the art of, or invented new methods, to make artificial tits as good or better than real ones? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/2 "2011-02-10T16:18:23Z")
Moved to IMHO from Great Debates. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/3 "2011-02-10T16:20:10Z")
Real tits and real ale. Accept no substitutes. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/4 "2011-02-10T16:58:55Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > A weighty and important subject for sure. But they suck donkey balls. When will we have perfected the art of, or invented new methods, to make artificial tits as good or better than real ones? No, we have not. Even the ones that are aesthetically appealing in a still image always _move_ wrong. And there is always a scar, either in the crease underneath or in a half-circle following the curve of the aureole. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/5 "2011-02-10T17:10:34Z")
> [@](#): > > But they suck donkey balls. I think that when they make ones that suck _back_ we will, indeed, have achieved a new level of technology. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/6 "2011-02-10T17:31:20Z")
They usually look fine in clothes. It’s only when bared–and, God forbid, felt–that the “ew” factor is invoked. IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/7 "2011-02-10T17:31:27Z")
They all taste the same. ---
**Author:** ![Headrush042](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/8 "2011-02-10T17:34:22Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > A weighty and important subject for sure. But they suck donkey balls. When will we have perfected the art of, or invented new methods, to make artificial tits as good or better than real ones? I already posted this in a different thread, but: [Sooner than you think](http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/10/ff_futureofbreasts/) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/9 "2011-02-10T17:34:52Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > They all taste the same. No they don’t. The fake ones give soy milk. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/10 "2011-02-10T17:43:08Z")
Wait, are you talking about breasts on a woman which have been enhanced with implants, or purely artificial tits like on a doll? Because I agree that implants have a long way to go, but they’re not anywhere as horrible these days as they once were. Implants under the muscle don’t have much of the same feeling as the hard bags which form lumps inside the breast. As for the other case, the totally artificial tits. The sexiest thing about breasts is that they’re attached to a woman, so even if you could come up with ones which would pass a blindfolded test, they’re still not going to compare to the real thing. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/11 "2011-02-10T20:16:13Z")
I bought a girlfriend boobs for a birthday present. It was her idea she wanted them. I was a bit worried about cosmetic surgery and honestly would never have suggested it as I loved her for lots of other reasons. But really she didn’t have boobs. ( they were more like mosquito bites! As such she needed under the muscle implants. Firstly, her recovery period was almost six weeks. Often she said at that time if she had known how sore it was to be she wouldn’t have done it! She was almost housebound for that time. Secondly, they were hard for at least 9 months to a year. After that they were unrecognizable as implants, looked and felt perfectly normal and she loved them. ( I kinda thought they were cute too) Thirdly, after the first six weeks she said that she had wished that she had gone for a bigger size but no way would go through the op again. At the same time her friend went for implants which were not under the muscle ( she already had boobs but child birth had just kinda messed them up) and her recovery time was a lot shorter and they were never as hard for the first 9 months. ( accommodating GF let me compare them) Now that third bit is an almost universal response from girls I know who have had implants. They all say they wished they had gone one size larger. ( none of these girls were in the huge implants range, mostly just wanted a set that would give them a cleavage and looked good on the beach) ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/12 "2011-02-11T01:46:33Z")
Like the last two Dopers mentioned, the high quality, reasonable quantity, and expert installation of aftermarket equipment can give very pleasing results, if obviously never the same thing as having a superior OEM setup to start with. But we can always use more research on subjects such as this. Spearmint Rhino Dopefest? ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/13 "2011-02-11T03:06:03Z")
> [@manila](#): > > Now that third bit is an almost universal response from girls I know who have had implants. They all say they wished they had gone one size larger. The grass is always greener when you can’t see the lifetime of back problems… ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/14 "2011-02-11T04:08:11Z")
Flat chested girls, save yourself the expense. If you want the same look, cut a grapefruit in half, paint nipples on them, and glue them to your chest. Won’t be much different and will look about as real. ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/15 "2011-02-11T04:26:58Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > They usually look fine in clothes. It’s only when bared–and, God forbid, felt–that the “ew” factor is invoked. > > IMHO. Sometimes they don’t even look good in clothes. I had a client that had such fake looking boobs that I almost told her so after we finished the job. Her face was absolutely gorgeous, but her tits were such a turn off. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/16 "2011-02-11T04:27:29Z")
…[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd0WOD9yw0E](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd0WOD9yw0E) Yeah, I _know_ The Fugs had it first, but this is the version I prefer. Besides, in The Fugs’ version, the first time they ask, “Do you wear your jock a lot?”, I _swear_ the answer being sung is: “Yes, I wear _your_ jock a lot”. Eeeewwww!🙂 Enjoy Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/17 "2011-02-11T05:09:28Z")
The key to a great boob job is having enough breast tissue to accomodate the implant. If you have a small C-cup, and have had a baby, you have a good chance of realistic-looking/feeling results. OTOH, someone with perky A-cups is more likely to get the “hard” boobs you guys are talking about. Either way, it’s a roll of the dice, but you can definitely improve your chances. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/18 "2011-02-11T20:48:39Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > The key to a great boob job is having enough breast tissue to accomodate the implant. If you have a small C-cup, and have had a baby, you have a good chance of realistic-looking/feeling results. OTOH, someone with perky A-cups is more likely to get the “hard” boobs you guys are talking about. > > Either way, it’s a roll of the dice, but you can definitely improve your chances. But if you already have c-cups, why get fake tits? ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/19 "2011-02-11T21:49:43Z")
They need not necessarily be bad. My friend’s boobs were a bit ‘spaniel’s ears’, if truth were told. She had them done, and they are a much more pleasing shape, though perhaps disproportionally large for her frame. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902/20 "2011-02-11T22:36:59Z")
Dang. I thought this thread was going to be about those little fake birds you find in craft stores. Instead it’s just about boobies. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artificial-tits/570902.md?page=2)