# Artoo vs. Twiki **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 10, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435 "2005-02-10T18:01:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/1 "2005-02-10T18:01:38Z")
Ho’od win? ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/2 "2005-02-10T18:06:06Z")
Pah, Artoo would kick Twiki’s ass, no question. He’s clever. Twiki just walks around uselessly. Now the greater challenge would be R2D2 vs. K-9 (from Dr. Who). ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/3 "2005-02-10T18:10:51Z")
Twiki has no offensive weaponry, and no defense unless he uses that light disk thingy as a shield. R2 can shove that actuator arm right through Twiki’s little hide. An Ewok could put up a better fight. ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/4 "2005-02-10T18:37:56Z")
It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen Buck Rogers, but from what I remember, wasn’t Twiki’s ONLY purpose in life to carry that little light-disk-thing around? He couldn’t do anything else. I don’t think he could even stand up on his own, judging from the way he walked. R2 would own him. Just ram into him, they both fall down, R2 gets up again, game over. Hmm… wait a minute. R2 couldn’t get up on his own either, could he. No matter. I’d still buy tickets to see it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/5 "2005-02-10T18:47:29Z")
Twiki was just a wise-cracking sidekick. R2 was the quiet guy who saved your ass. The fight wouldn’t even last one round. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/6 "2005-02-10T19:25:42Z")
What? Those two little Cylon collaborators? F^uck em both. May as well nominate Bubo, from _Clash Of The Titans_. Bumblebee takes all prizes in the Lightweight class. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/7 "2005-02-10T19:28:52Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Twiki was just a wise-cracking sidekick. R2 was the quiet guy who saved your ass. R2 has some of the best lines of the trilogy! ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/8 "2005-02-10T20:13:16Z")
I’m betting on Twiki. Doctor Theopolis (sp?) will give the Twikster hints on surviving the fight. R2 might get some help from Threepio, but Doc Theopolis is smarter than Threepio by several parsecs, methinks. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/9 "2005-02-10T20:15:22Z")
Dr. Theophilus, wasn’t it? Lover of God, not City of God. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/10 "2005-02-10T21:01:08Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Dr. Theophilus, wasn’t it? Lover of God, not City of God. I honestly dunno. I’ve seen both “Theopolis” and “Theophilus” on various sites, but I can’t tell which is correct. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/11 "2005-02-10T21:31:51Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > R2 has some of the best lines of the trilogy! Which trilogy? Unless this year’s effort exceeds all the 5 previous entries, I’ll agree and say both. Probably the best acting job in all of them, also. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/12 "2005-02-10T21:46:46Z")
I like to think Artoo’s lines are muffled cussing like Kenny from South Park. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/13 "2005-02-10T21:50:16Z")
> [@watsonwil](#): > > I like to think Artoo’s lines are muffled cussing like Kenny from South Park. You may be onto something there! South Park’s Kenny is really Kenny Baker. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/14 "2005-02-10T22:43:07Z")
Well Twiki is fully capable of firing a laser pistol and flying a fighter craft. So if he had access to the weapons, he’d win. If only allowed the equipment they were built with, I’d go R2 ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/15 "2005-02-10T22:54:25Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > Well Twiki is fully capable of firing a laser pistol and flying a fighter craft. > > So if he had access to the weapons, he’d win. > > If only allowed the equipment they were built with, I’d go R2 So you’re saying Twiki would win - if he’s prepared? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/16 "2005-02-10T23:21:15Z")
No - if they’re allowed to prepare, it’s R2, hands down. He can interface with the Death Star, for pete’s sake. Twiki would come up, thinking he’s got the drop on R2 because he’s jacked into some system and not looking, when, WHAM, something huge hits Tsiki from behind. Or the floor chute to the incinerator opens. Or the blast doors slam shut on him. R2, if prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/17 "2005-02-10T23:46:59Z")
So who comes out on top if we throw Marvin into the mix? I’m thinking he’d talk the other two into killing themselves, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/18 "2005-02-10T23:55:21Z")
Oh come on. Marvin is almost indestructible, brain the size of a planet, several times older than the universe itself and took on a massive fricken’ tank-bot single handed… and won. Including Marvin as a sidekick robot is like including a battlemech. Marvin ain’t nobody’s sidekick. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/19 "2005-02-11T00:30:50Z")
Marvin explains his view of life to the two lesser robots. The two lesser robots commit suicide. It’s not over quickly, but it’s inevitable. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435/20 "2005-02-11T01:08:49Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > No - if they’re allowed to prepare, it’s R2, hands down. He can interface with the Death Star, for pete’s sake. Twiki would come up, thinking he’s got the drop on R2 because he’s jacked into some system and not looking, when, WHAM, something huge hits Tsiki from behind. Or the floor chute to the incinerator opens. Or the blast doors slam shut on him. > > R2, if prepared. Unless…the contest involves…_stairs_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/artoo-vs-twiki/289435.md?page=2)