# "as an actress said to a bishop" - Brit Slang?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-an-actress-said-to-a-bishop-brit-slang/250413>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [June 15, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-an-actress-said-to-a-bishop-brit-slang/250413 "2004-06-15T01:40:42Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\
**Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-an-actress-said-to-a-bishop-brit-slang/250413/21 "2004-06-16T07:24:35Z")

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> [@Vetch](#):
>
> Or …as the art mistress said to the gardener (which is what we used to say in my neck of the woods).

Oddly - the version that I first heard reversed the order: “…as the bishop said to the actress”

Or, as the evening wore on “…as the bishop said to the volleyball team”

Grim

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**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-an-actress-said-to-a-bishop-brit-slang/250413/22 "2004-06-16T15:22:43Z")

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> [@TheLoadedDog](#):
>
> My Dad says it, though the other way around: “…, as the bishop said to the actress”. He’s 76. I think it’s a generational thing.
> 
> BTW, nobody loves a rude joke more than my 81 year-old great aunt. This is even more spectacular, given that she’s very upright and strict-looking, even compared to other women her age. She asked me about “Two Dogs” hard lemonade: “I hear it’s based on a naughty joke”. So I told her the joke, and I swear she was nearly in tears from laughing so hard.

The only naughty joke I know that involves the phrase “two dogs” is about an Indian tribe. There are several variations, but the relevant one goes like this:

[spoiler]A young Indian brave went to the medicine man of the tribe, and asked, “Wise Owl, is it true that you are the one who gives names to all the members of our tribe?” The medicine man nodded. “Well then,” said the young brave, “Can you tell me how you pick our names?”

The medicine man answered, "Whenever a squaw is in labor, I go to her tepee and deliver the papoose. Then, when the papoose is born, I take it outside the tepee, and look around. The first thing I see is always a sign from the Spirits, which tells me what the child’s name should be. For instance, when that brave over there was born, the first thing I saw outside his tepee was a grizzly bear cub, so I named him Litttle Bear. You see that squaw over there? When I came out of the tepee with her, I saw a deer run by, so I named her Running Deer. You see that young man over there? When I stepped out of the tepee after his birth, there was a thunder storm gathering, so I named him Storm Cloud.

The medicine man paused and then asked, “Have you heard enough, Two Dogs Fucking?”

[/spoiler]

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