You know, Eve, if you’re not willing to take up smoking and illegal drugs in order to lose weight, you just aren’t showing enough committment.
Okay assuming you want to lose weight and live past fifty, water is a good choice. Drink at least an eight ounce glass every hour. It’ll keep your stomach full, fluid is good for you, and the frequent trips to the bathroom will provide exercise.
Extreme case plan: blackmail yourself. Put all your savings into an irrevocable trust and commit with a binding third party contract that if you haven’t lost twenty five pounds within six months, everything will be donated to the Jerry Falwell Ministry - in your name. Instant motivation that until summer.
Finally, I can assure you that if you were looking your worst during the NYC graveyard tours, you have nothing to worry about; we were all dazzled by your wit and blinded by your beauty.
So far today my evil coworkers have given me two Hershey’s kisses and a tiny bag of Hannukah gelt . . . Resolve . . . weakening . . . Must jump into Fatmobile and get back to the Fat Cave . . .
I agree with all the other “Life is too short for healthy eating” posters. Not that I don’t eat healthily, I do. Then again, sometimes I just eat unhealthily. It’s combining the two that creates problems, I find.
This has been a wildly effective method of losing weight for me:
Fall in lust (not the wouldn’t-mind-a-bit-of-that kind, you have to go for the serious, obsessive can’t-think-can’t talk-can’t live without it kind - accept no substitutes).
Spend so much time thinking about the Lust Object you have to drink gallons of water to cool down
Completely forget about food until having difficulty standing
Buy lots of new clothes to fit new, svelte, you
Be unable to afford food because Lust Object has now been replaced by Shopping Frenzy
The nice thing about this is that even when the hormones have calmed down, you are still too poor to eat, and therefore thin.
As an expert in Tummyese, I can tell you it actually translates to, “I’m starving. Must hold onto fat for upcoming famine.”
Seriously, being truly hungry is a sign you’re not getting enough to eat. And if you don’t get something healthy into your belly, you’re going to give in to the cakes, donuts, cookies, etc.
So far today I have had numerous cups of coffee, some chopped canteloupe and several Lifesavers (Wint-O-Green). Dinner will probably be a peanut-butter sammich or, more likely, some fake soy-protein “chicken.”
If there is any justice in the world, I will be a size 4 when I wake up tomorrow.
The last time (far too long ago, I must say) I lost about 10 lbs. in a month, not because I was consciously dieting, but because I forgot to eat. Trust me, my forgetting to eat is not a normal state of affairs. I was exclaiming my good fortune to a good friend and came up with the linguistically rather unfortunate explanation that I was “getting into pants I hadn’t gotten into in years!”
That’s one of the nice things about the low-carb thing; it requires very little willpower, which is a good thing because I’m not even acquainted enough with willpower to be able to pick him out of a lineup.
I just remembered one of my old tricks. I used to chew gum all day whenever I was on a diet. It worked well… I didn’t get as hungry since I was already indulging my oral fixation.
Oh, the first time I told the little Fashionistas here about tapeworms, they were like kiddies at Christmas. “You’re kidding! Where can I get some!?” They sit around hopefully eating sushi every day now.
Adopt a toddler. You won’t have time to eat, and you’ll be running around after him/her all day. Problem solved!
Seriously: my problem is usually salty, crunchy snacks. I get the pre-washed, de-stringed sugar snap peas from the supermarket, and that helps with those cravings. The peas are crunchy one- or two- bite snacks, and they even come in little bags like chips! It worked pretty well, most of the time.
If you like it, dried fruit is also a good substitute for sweets. Nice and chewy.
Drink water… LOTS of water. Every time you feel a craving for food, pull out the water bottle and down it. It’ll fill up your stomach and you won’t feel like eating a bite. Of course, this will make you pee much more regularly. Also, warm veggie broth fills you up with low calories.
Baby carrots are crunchy/yummy. A cup of non-fat cottage cheese is good for when you think you need something cheesy.
EGG WHITES are only 10 cal. each, so make up an omelette with them- tasty and guilt-free!
For many years my mom had a sign on the refrigerator that said “Eat it today, wear it tomorrow.” You could add one of those stick-on full length mirrors on the refrigerator door to intensify the guilt.
I’ve been humming “Bend Down, Sister,” a song from the Eddie Cantor movie Palmy Days:
Bend down, sister, bend down, sister–if you want to keep thin!
No more messing with french dressig–
Bear it, sister, and grin!
Every morsel that you eat
Adds another chin!
You gotta bend down, sister, bend down, sister–if you want to keep thin!
Things that have worked for me:
A certain ADD drug whose name escapes me. Giving up eating because lack of variety has eliminated my appetite. Having cancer therapy (radiation)–that’s a weight loss winner! Cutting out all sugar, e.g. a diabetic’s diet plan.
But that’s not why I’m here. You want to brush your teeth after you eat, not when you get hungry. You may also want to try breaking food associations. If you eat while you watch the tube, or read, or while working, etc., those things become associated w/ eating and they make you hungry. So if you can, try setting it up so you only eat while you eat, at a specific eating location, e.g. the dinner table.
