# As Seen on TV in HELL!!! Or Bizarre Infomercials **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 12, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483 "2002-11-12T22:04:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2002, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/1 "2002-11-12T22:04:54Z")
Yes, everyone hates infomercials, I know, but some of them are mind-twistingly weird and stand out from the crowd. Probably the most bizarre ones I’ve ever seen are those featuring [Gary Spivey](http://www.garyspivey.com/), the sponge/spanish moss headed “psychic.” If you’ve never seen one of his infomercials, you’ve really missed out. Picture Rip Taylor shilling his services as a psychic and you’ve got it. The guy’s absolutely nuts! Makes Tony Little and the juicer guy with the caterpillar eyebrows seem normal! Anyone else have any “favorites” they’d like to share? ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/2 "2002-11-13T02:42:53Z")
Billy Mays with Oxy-Clean ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/3 "2002-11-13T06:57:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > **Yes, everyone hates infomercials, I know, but some of them are mind-twistingly weird and stand out from the crowd. Probably the most bizarre ones I’ve ever seen are those featuring [Gary Spivey](http://www.garyspivey.com/), the sponge/spanish moss headed "psychic."** Yeesh!! I’ve never seen that guy, but would love to. I think the weirdest guy we get around here has to be Matthew Lesko, the shrieking guy in the Riddler outfits that tells you how to get free money from the government. The one where he’s riding the giant inflatable rocket around is just too phallic for comfort. I can’t imagine an entire infomercial with him, though. They’d have to plug him in halfway through to recharge him. I still remember the very first infomercial I ever saw, which would have been back in the late 80’s. I thought it was a regular commercial and kept waiting for it to be over, but it kept going and going and going…It was for something called Santo Gold, which evidently was not only faux gold jewelry, but also the name of a pro wrestler who wore it, and also the name of a movie about pro wrestling featuring the pro wrestler who wore it. It would come on at like 3:00 in the morning, when there was nothing else to watch, so I was forced to watch it. Totally surreal. It was soon joined by another one featuring Anoushka, who was this hot foreign babe selling the Anoushka product line of cosmetics (cellulite reducing creams, or something), who was known for starting the “world famous” Anoushka Institute. I kept wondering why I’d never heard of any of these people if they were all so well-known. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/4 "2002-11-13T07:05:28Z")
**Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!** [Santo Gold!!!](http://infomercial.tvheaven.com/santogold.htm) I guess the movie had a different title. And Santo Gold himself was a rock star, not a wrestler. But it was a _wrestling movie!!!_ Damn braincells. Aw, man, this is weirder than I remembered. _I got chains. I got charms. I got bracelets for your arms. Money back guarantee…_ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/5 "2002-11-13T07:34:00Z")
I never found out if they were actually _selling_ stuff, but I used to watch this really freaky infomercial on The Comedy Channel, touting the fine products of the Troma motion picture distributors. They had special gueat appearances from the stars of such classics as _The Toxic Avenger_, and _Sergeant Kabukiman, NYPD_ (Yes he was costumed and made up as a Kabuki character). Very Strange. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/6 "2002-11-13T07:43:15Z")
[The Santo Gold Museum](http://www.geocities.com/santogoldmuseum/). I’m speechless. Did anyone ever see Blood Circus? I’m wishing I had, all of a sudden. ---
**Author:** ![Flymaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c4cdca/32.png) [@Flymaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flymaster)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/7 "2002-11-13T07:45:58Z")
I don’t know what they’re selling, other than that it’s some kind of “Get Rich Quick” real estate scam, but has anyone else seen the one with the two Little People (is that the preferred term, now?) twin brothers in suits? It’s VERY bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/8 "2002-11-13T09:18:30Z")
I’ve seen those two guys. Then there’s Don Lapre, who’s _so_ excited about his _tiny classified ads_ that it sounds like he’s trying to pass a turnip. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/9 "2002-11-13T12:09:58Z")
There was a product called “snow dogs” or something like that. They had a bizaar yet entertaining infommertial The product was a cross between rollerblades and and skiing. Marc ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/10 "2002-11-13T15:06:26Z")
Then there’s always the commercial with Ron Jeremy _who’s very concerned about_ **my** _penis_… …but, shucks, who isn’t? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2002, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/11 "2002-11-13T23:29:41Z")
OK, return with me now to the days of reeeeeeeally early cable. I’m thinking early 80’s here. See if you can remember these dudes: They were selling QVC crap over the phone, but also on a cable channel in some sort of studio audience that would buy things buy holding up their number, something like 279. There was one really energetic guy, who looked kinda like Frasier’s boss Kenny, and was always “going to do something crazy.” Then there was another guy, who looked kinda like Robert Davi, whose job was to point at the bidders and yell “HUT!! HO!!” and spin around in a little circle of excitement. Once someone bought something, really energetic guy would yell “SOLD!!” in a freaky, high-pitched falsetto voice. It would go like this: Really Energetic Guy: “Right now we have a Vectrex Video Game System. And you know what? I’m gonna…I’m gonna do something CRAZY. For everyone that calls in…I’m gonna give this incredible game system away…for…ten dollars!!” Other guy: “OOOOHH!!!” REG: ::Falsetto voice:: “SOLD!! 386” OG: ::Points at 386:: “Hut!! Ho!!!” ::Spins around:: REG: “SOLD!! 429. SOLD!!! 568.” OG: ::Points at 429, 568:: “HO!!! HUT HUT HO!!!” ::Spins around:: REG: “Two-Seventy-Nine gets one!!! Four-Eighty-Three gets one!!!” This would go on until there were no more bids, at which point they’d start over with more crappy merchandise. Please tell me someone else remembers this, and I haven’t gone insane. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/12 "2002-11-14T02:53:35Z")
Apparently the first infomerical that seared it’s marketing strategy into my gullibulllll mind back when I was about 8 or 9 …( 1975ish) was the incomprable … \*\*Ronco Studmaster \*\* It sounds like a dildo, but it is really a hand held thingie that lets you put studs on \*anything \* from jeans, to hats, to your favorite denim jacket. The Huggy Bear- gutter ho look was very che che then. God, I wanted one desperately. I was their captive audience. If only mom would have let me use her credit card. :::::sigh::::::: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/13 "2002-11-14T02:54:08Z")
Apparently the first infomerical that seared it’s marketing strategy into my gullibulllll mind back when I was about 8 or 9 …( 1975ish) was the incomprable … \*\*Ronco Studbuster \*\* It sounds like a dildo, but it is really a hand held thingie that lets you put studs on \*anything \* from jeans, to hats, to your favorite denim jacket. The Huggy Bear- gutter ho look was very che che then. God, I wanted one desperately. I was their captive audience. If only mom would have let me use her credit card. :::::sigh::::::: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/14 "2002-11-14T02:55:51Z")
Please note the change from \*\*Stud Master \*\* to \*\*Stud buster \*\* Either title is a riot, but the latter is ( I believe) correct. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/15 "2002-11-14T02:58:22Z")
Y’know those shoes that have roller skates that pop out of them that are \*in \* right now ( according to the trend of commercials on tv) The same idea was out more than twenty years ago. They are recycling the old crap. Probably just had the sweat shop girls sew a fake Swoosh or stripes on it to bring them up to date. ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/16 "2002-11-14T03:49:37Z")
Not a full-length infomercial, but to go along with **Shirley Ujest’s** Stud Buster, has anyone seen the commercial for the trout de-boning instrument so aptly named **The Wonder Boner?** There’s something unsettling or perhaps surreal about a bunch of bemustached, flannel-swathed men sitting around a campfire out by Ye-Olde Fishing Hole proclaiming "I love the Wonder Boner!!! I actually LOVE infomercials. They are fascinating. I like the Tony Little exercise infomercials, the Infinite Dress infomercial, and especially all of the cooking infomercials. BTW, does anyone know exactly what that dish is that the crackpot lady’s cooking with cherries and Diet Coke? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/17 "2002-11-14T03:58:28Z")
Oh, I remember it, Dooku. 598’s got one! 665’s got one! SOLD! SOLD! to 998 SOLD! to 645 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/18 "2002-11-14T05:35:45Z")
**Dooku** , comedian Brian Haley used to mention those guys in his act. Remember how Really Energetic Guy used to have the microphone on a little rig of some kind that hung on his chest, angled toward his face? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/19 "2002-11-14T20:38:20Z")
I’m not insane! Huzzah!! **Max Torque** , I’d love to see that act! I found some videos of his stand up - he looks familiar, but I’m not sure why. I forgot all about the microphone thing - it was like Dylan’s harmonica stand. If anyone can find a video of those guys, I’d love to see it. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2002, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483/20 "2002-11-15T01:04:12Z")
My vote is for that electro-shock face mask that eliminates wrinkles. Scary-looking pink thing with eyeholes. I think Linda Evans was hawking it at one point; how sad for her. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-seen-on-tv-in-hell-or-bizarre-infomercials/136483.md?page=2)