# As voting shareholders in my corrupt corporation, what are your demands? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 13, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841 "2007-06-13T12:56:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/1 "2007-06-13T12:56:28Z")
Sure we need to do what the corporation was founded for the purpose of… but gosh we’ve got all this money and power… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/2 "2007-06-13T13:34:01Z")
Well, my nephew needs a job. He is a drooling idiot so nothing too hard, say VP of Intra-Departmental Vertical Syncronicity for the East Coast. If you do that, I’ll approve that gold toilet you want. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/3 "2007-06-13T13:37:01Z")
I’d tell you my demands, but they would probably be NSFW. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/4 "2007-06-13T13:50:16Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] Well, my nephew needs a job. He is a drooling idiot so nothing too hard, say VP of Intra-Departmental Vertical Syncronicity for the East Coast. If you do that, I’ll approve that gold toilet you want. [/QUOTE] I think we can work something out. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/5 "2007-06-13T13:51:17Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I’d tell you my demands, but they would probably be NSFW. [/QUOTE] That’s why we have codewords for hookers and blow… see the memo from February ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/6 "2007-06-13T13:53:55Z")
I propose three classes of shares: 1. Class A shares have the most liquidity and the least aggregate voting power. They can ratify the appointment of accountants and propose shareholder initiatives, but that’s about it. 2. Class B shares have limited trading capability – mainly restricted to the intelligentsia of the SDMB – and have control over the board of directors and final say on the shareholder initiatives. 3. Class C shares are the real ownership of the company. Do I really have to say who holds all these shares? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/7 "2007-06-13T14:38:04Z")
Well, I’ve been an admin all my life, so this time around, **I** want some damn minions. Minions - that’s what I want. Minions of my own! ---
**Author:** ![ColonelDax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@ColonelDax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColonelDax)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/8 "2007-06-13T15:08:56Z")
I think all of the company’s assets should be sold immediately and the proceeds, plus any cash on hand, paid out to stockholders as a stinking huge special dividend. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/9 "2007-06-13T15:14:25Z")
Are we going to approve the merger with the Lendervedder Group or what? I’ve got some stocks shorted that I want to act on. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/10 "2007-06-13T15:17:14Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Are we going to approve the merger with the Lendervedder Group or what? I’ve got some stocks shorted that I want to act on. [/QUOTE] The funny thing is, I was tempted yesterday to reply to the Lendervedder press release thread, and end my release with the following note (I kid you not!): “The Lendervedder Group is an independently operated subsidiary of OpalCorp, a joint venture of the Congressional Wives and Evil Geniuses For a Better Tomorrow.” ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/11 "2007-06-13T15:26:56Z")
Nekkid wimmens in the annual report ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/12 "2007-06-13T15:31:29Z")
[QUOTE=plnnr] Nekkid wimmens in the annual report [/QUOTE] You do know our CEO’s career history, right? ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/13 "2007-06-13T15:35:11Z")
I would like to ensure that my vague expense reports are approved without question and also that I have the ability to hire anyone I see fit to. Especially ones that have assets that benefit my organization. I’ll be in Nevada interviewing applicants if I’m needed. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/14 "2007-06-13T16:12:51Z")
[QUOTE=ColonelDax] I think all of the company’s assets should be sold immediately and the proceeds, plus any cash on hand, paid out to stockholders as a stinking huge special dividend. [/QUOTE] Well no, I’m afraid I do have to put my foot down on this one. As I said we still do need to continue the corporation’s business. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/15 "2007-06-13T16:17:24Z")
We need good tax writeoffs. I know of a certain “charity” near the Studio City, ca area. A generous donation of say…5 million would certainly look good. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/16 "2007-06-13T17:01:30Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] You do know our CEO’s career history, right? [/QUOTE] Yep, we go back a ways. She was the publisher of the StraightDope Cheesecake and Beefcake Calendar. You may call me Mr. February. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/17 "2007-06-13T17:55:20Z")
I’d like a working coffee maker, please. (Oh, and $10 million directed towards my personal expense account. As a… bonus for hard work. Yes. _cough_) ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/18 "2007-06-13T18:05:54Z")
[QUOTE=plnnr] Yep, we go back a ways. She was the publisher of the StraightDope Cheesecake and Beefcake Calendar. You may call me Mr. February. [/QUOTE] Oh, I’d completely forgotten about _that_ calendar. Thanks for the reminder. (The calendar never did get finished, did it?) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/19 "2007-06-13T18:13:13Z")
I demand that we have a new cover sheet for the TPS report every 17 minutes. And tell me more about this calendar. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/20 "2007-06-13T18:23:30Z")
**Opal** I demand that the corporation hire my consultancy firm to determine what the available options might be for looting the majority of the funds available to it for the benefit of the important shareholders. (Yes, of course you’ll get a kickback, say 25%?) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841.md?page=2)