# As voting shareholders in my corrupt corporation, what are your demands? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 13, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841 "2007-06-13T12:56:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/21 "2007-06-13T20:22:02Z")
I want a pony. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/22 "2007-06-13T20:45:26Z")
Late to the game, eh Cervaise? There’s a pony dispenser in the hall. We got tired of having to special order ponies every time someone requested them. It helps to show up to the meetings once in a while, then you wouldn’t be in the dark about these things. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/23 "2007-06-13T21:05:01Z")
The pony dispenser takes Canadian bullion coins, too. Including the million-dollar one. (That’ll get you the Complete Pony Accessory Set, including barns, staff, and land.) ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/24 "2007-06-13T21:11:29Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] Late to the game, eh Cervaise? There’s a pony dispenser in the hall. We got tired of having to special order ponies every time someone requested them. It helps to show up to the meetings once in a while, then you wouldn’t be in the dark about these things. [/QUOTE] Just make sure you turn the crank ALL THE WAY. It gets stuck if you don’t and then the pony is trapped in the chute and it whinnies and cries and that gets really annoying. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/25 "2007-06-13T21:14:29Z")
Yeah and don’t rock the machine back and forth. Boy don’t you learn _that_ the hard way. Poor Steve. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/26 "2007-06-13T21:17:28Z")
And don’t reach too far into the machine, either. One-handed Bob learned that one too late–those things _bite_ when stressed! ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/27 "2007-06-13T21:19:46Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] Yeah and don’t rock the machine back and forth. Boy don’t you learn _that_ the hard way. Poor Steve. [/QUOTE] That reminds me, Steve said I could have his office. You know, the big corner one. In his memory I’m having a jacuzzi put in the private bathroom…I’ll expense it as a bereavement gift. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/28 "2007-06-13T21:38:43Z")
Sorry for the lack of clarity. I meant a pony **keg.** ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/29 "2007-06-13T21:45:28Z")
Oh, sweet Og, now we’re going to be distracted from serious larceny to beating a dead horse to work up a proper froth. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/30 "2007-06-13T21:58:26Z")
I think we should “donate” a “portion” of our “proceeds” to “charity”. You know, we gotta “do the right thing”, and it really is “about people”. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/31 "2007-06-13T22:01:27Z")
I think we should do more charity work. I want you to hire an illustrator so I can finish my children’s book Satan Is Your Friend. Then we can give free copies to innercity kids. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/32 "2007-06-13T22:24:29Z")
I insist that my Mormons use 20 sterilely-extracted Kleenex per hand to turn on the water taps. I also insist upon a nice hardwood shelf where I can store bottles of my urine. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/33 "2007-06-13T23:16:09Z")
Are there any seats open on the board of directors? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/34 "2007-06-13T23:26:22Z")
We’re corrupt–you can always buy a seat on the board of directors. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2007, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/35 "2007-06-13T23:34:30Z")
I propose we get rid of our current counsel; Dewey, Cheatham & Howe and hire [Milton, Chadwick, & Waters](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Advocate_%28film%29), I hear they do good work. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/36 "2007-06-14T01:24:29Z")
[QUOTE=Szlater] I propose we get rid of our current counsel; Dewey, Cheatham & Howe and hire [Milton, Chadwick, & Waters](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Advocate_%28film%29), I hear they do good work. [/QUOTE] We should put it out for open competitive bidding, by which I mean sizeable graft, of course. I understand [Wolfram & Hart](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfram_%26_Hart) wants to be considered. I’m going to “borrow” the company Learjet for a while, if that’s all right. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/37 "2007-06-14T01:33:22Z")
I need a million dollars and a bowl of chocolate pudding. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/38 "2007-06-14T02:07:26Z")
[QUOTE=OpalCat] We’re corrupt–you can always buy a seat on the board of directors. [/QUOTE] Ah, but you miss the point. You’re trying to make money off of me, whilst I am trying to make money off of you. Any price offered for a board seat would probably be more than the expected revenue from the seat. While we’re at it, I don’t care to drive or fly, so may I have use of a company limo to handle all needed transportation over short distances, a company rail car for longer trips on land, and a company yacht for trips over bodies of water? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/39 "2007-06-14T02:56:10Z")
Well, I have a concept for our entering the lucrative beachfront property market—in Afghanistan. The trick being, of course, that we’ll need to engage in some…creative enviromental engineering first. Kind of hush-hush, you understand. No need to tip off MI6—er, the competition before we have our assets in place. ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841/40 "2007-06-14T03:56:06Z")
Opal! I want to be in the corporation! I have demands! Every month, I demand that several dopers be sent to my house to have dinner, drink wine, and play super Nintendo until dawn! Of course, the company can pay for the dinner and wine every month, but c’mon! everyone loves Nintendo! (well, those of you that don’t - shush…) Also, a truck would be nice (it can be a junker, as long as the engine runs…) Brendon Small [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/as-voting-shareholders-in-my-corrupt-corporation-what-are-your-demands/407841.md?page=3)