# Ashley Todd, you're a cumstain on humanity **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 24, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409 "2008-10-24T18:48:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/41 "2008-10-24T22:59:17Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > I don’t think that McCain’s campaign had anything to do with this. This is just a very disturbed woman. Agreed, but before you have your candidates call her personally, you make sure that she isn’t a raving loon. And - as it turns out - this would have been as simple as checking her My Space page. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/42 "2008-10-24T23:08:14Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Agreed, but before you have your candidates call her personally, you make sure that she isn’t a raving loon. And - as it turns out - this would have been as simple as checking her My Space page. My Space? McCain don’t know nuttin’ ‘bout usin’ no Internets. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/43 "2008-10-24T23:14:30Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > My Space? McCain don’t know nuttin’ ‘bout usin’ no Internets. 😉 I’m sort of assuming that someone on his staff is familiar with what our idiot HR reps at my company can do. (Yes, we do an internet search and look for you on Facebook and My Space before calling you in for an interview. We don’t need to bother with someone stupid enough to photograph themselves WITH the bong.) ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/44 "2008-10-24T23:25:21Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > I don’t think that McCain’s campaign had anything to do with this. This is just a very disturbed woman. [You can think that, but you’d be wrong! Guess who made sure this story got some traction “before the facts were known or established.” No. Seriously. Guess.](http://tpmelectioncentral.talkingpointsmemo.com/2008/10/mccain_aide_gave_reporters_inc.php) ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/45 "2008-10-24T23:32:33Z")
I can’t be the only person envisioning an After School Special or a PSA, with Ashley Todd as Ashley Todd, John McCain as her father, and Sarah Palin as her mother. McCain: What have you done young lady!! Ashley: I’m so sorry Daddy. I was just trying to help you win!!! Palin: Oh, that’s a good reason, but we here don’t lie to the police, you betcha. McCain: Haven’t we taught you that you should never lie!!! Palin: And blaming a big scary black man for a politically motivated attack is bad, bad, bad, bad… bad. Ashley: But I wanted Daddy to beat Obama! Palin: So do I Carhart… I mean Ashley, but you can’t try to scare people into not voting for the black man. McCain: We raised you better than that! Who taught you such underhanded race baiting, young lady? School? Your friends? Ashley: _You, Alright. … I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!_. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/46 "2008-10-24T23:33:09Z")
[![](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YFuM6fka4l8/SQFA021BOaI/AAAAAAAAAMo/PdIamC-TT18/s1600-h/mccainvolunteer.jpg) ](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YFuM6fka4l8/SQFA021BOaI/AAAAAAAAAMo/PdIamC-TT18/s1600-h/mccainvolunteer.jpg) The Internet has summed up the situation in a tidy little meme. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/47 "2008-10-24T23:58:36Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Oh damn … almost forgot … must visit the freepers to see how they’re spinning this. To be fair, I will give them credit-except for a few saying she’s a plant, most are calling for the book to be thrown at her. She did admit to the police that she has a history of mental illness, and doesn’t remember how the B got on her face. HOWEVER…it has to be proven that she wasn’t responsible for her own actions at the time she committed the act. So, she can still be legally responsible, even if she is mentally ill. And I don’t fault McCain or Palin for calling her right away-that only speaks well for them. HOWEVER…on her MySpace, apparently she’s also a Ron Paul fan. What the HELL? She’s disturbed…but I still hope she gets her ass in a sling. **SmartAleq** , “crotch cricket”! I am SOOOOOO stealing that! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/48 "2008-10-25T01:09:04Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > Palin: So do I Carhart… I mean Ashley, but you can’t try to scare people into not voting for the black man. Carhartt! I’m dying over here! That is the _best_ fake Palin baby name yet!! For those of you who may not be familiar with the ubiquitous (and durable!) orangey goodness, here are some [Carhartts](http://www.carhartt.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10101&storeId=10051&productId=32165&langId=-1&categoryId=10909). ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/49 "2008-10-25T01:22:36Z")
I think the OP is being a bit hard on cumstains … But really, the hilarious part of the story is not the poor, obviously disturbed young woman, but rather the conservative frenzy that erupted around her hoax, which has turned viciously around. Nov. 5 is going to be an interesting day. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/50 "2008-10-25T01:52:38Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > It was obviously a bad makeup job. Obvious to me anyway. And interestingly _missing_ as the police were escorting her in handcuffs in the video clip I saw. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/51 "2008-10-25T02:31:00Z")
I know this isn’t [fark.com](http://fark.com), but I’d hit it. Pouty, full lips, those chubby cheeks that hint at curvaceousness. I wonder when she’s gonna get out of the pokey? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/52 "2008-10-25T02:51:51Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > Teensy little nitpick–the author of the diary is a guy with the username “Meteor Blades.” The blogsite, “DailyKos,” belongs to a guy named Markos Moulitsas, whose username is “kos.” 'Tis a small thing, but it’s an attribution thing so I get all picketypicky about it! Ooops, thanks! > [@SmartAleq](#): > > This stupid little bitch reminds me of about a hundred stupid little bitches I’ve met over the years who think up grandiose stories and manufacture “evidence” to support the stories to get some attention, then get all amazed when people actually believe their shit and the witch hunts start. If this crotch cricket had gone out for a part in “The Crucible” in high school perhaps we wouldn’t be discussing her right now. I don’t like what you’re saying. WITCH!!! BURN HER!!! In breaking news, [a McCain supporter was attacked](http://www.thedailybanter.com/tdb/2008/10/i-was-attacked-by-mccain-supporters.html) by a gaggle of 50-year old white women! That J scar will haunt him for the rest of his life! [QUOTE=Knorf] I think the OP is being a bit hard on cumstains … [/QUOTE] Sigh, I know. The worst cumstains do is make you stick to the sheets if you go to sleep before washing up, but otherwise they’re easily cleaned. [QUOTE=Tuckerfan] And interestingly missing as the police were escorting her in handcuffs in the video clip I saw. [/QUOTE] Oooh oooh! Where’d you see that? [QUOTE=Hyperelastic] I know this isn’t [fark.com](http://fark.com), but I’d hit it. Pouty, full lips, those chubby cheeks that hint at curvaceousness. I wonder when she’s gonna get out of the pokey? [/QUOTE] Here, have some cumstains. ([video of the bitch](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqsBlXhnFng)) ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/53 "2008-10-25T02:54:57Z")
The right-wing in this country really does seem to have lost their collective fucking minds. I refer not to the [del]race-baiting whack-job[/del] troubled young woman who is the subject of this Pitting, but to [John Moody, of FOX News](http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/10/23/jmoody_1023/). > [@](#): > > If Ms. Todd’s allegations are proven accurate, some voters may revisit their support for Senator Obama, not because they are racists (with due respect to Rep. John Murtha), but because they suddenly feel they do not know enough about the Democratic nominee. I mean, suppose this had all turned out to be absolute gospel truth, and Ashley Todd really had been assaulted by a black colored person with African ancestry of the Negro persuasion, who might have been partially “set off” by her McCain bumper sticker. Some voters might revisit their support for Senator Obama, “because they suddenly feel they do not know enough about the Democratic nominee”. What? _What?!?_ What the fuck does that even _ **MEAN?!?** _ “Oh my goodness, a crime was committed! In the United States of America! By a [whispers]b-l-a-c-k m-a-n[/whispers]! I was going to vote for the Democratic nominee, but now I’m wondering, do I truly _know_ Barack Obama? He is, after all, somewhat dark-skinned. How do I know he doesn’t habitually go around mugging and/or groping innocent white women, and possibly carving his initials on them?” On what fucking interstellar lunatic asylum of a planet could this story have possibly had any political impact _ **EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE** _? In what bizarro hell dimension is the proper response from either campaign anything but “Certainly no one on either side condones this sort of thing, we all condemn it, of course, and we all hope the young woman gets better soon”. Well, it could have had political impact if a.) The Obama campaign were actually found to be orchestrating a campaign of assaults by Large Scary Black Men on random McCain supporters b.) If the [McCain campaign](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/24/ashley-todd-story-pushed_n_137710.html) and their supporters at FOX News were actually crazy enough to try to make it a campaign issue. > [@John Moody](#): > > If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting. Well, no, you bottom-feeding sociopath, it wouldn’t have been, if people like YOU _hadn’t tried to make it a campaign issue_, **JACKASS**. I mean, it’s not like it would have been remotely fair to the McCain campaign to hang the actions of one attention-seeking crazy person around their necks–God knows this country has plenty of attention-seeking crazy persons of all shapes, sizes, races, colors, and political persuasions–but you depraved motherfuckers had to go and nail yourselves to this fucking cross. The McCainites have descended into complete frothing gibbering smearing-themselves-with-their-own excrement lunacy. What’s next? A national ad campaign about how _somebody_ stole the McCain-Palin yard sign from the front lawn of Mrs. Myra Smith of Chillicothe, Ohio? “Barack Obama. He won’t be Ready on Day One to protect us from terrorists. Or muggers. Or that one asshole who cut you off in traffic the other day–you know the one I’m talking about. Or bored teenagers pranking their neighbors.” [Ominous, theme-to-_Jaws_-style music][Voiceover from Myra Smith]: “Well, I went out to get the paper, and I don’t even know why I looked in that direction, because the yard sign’s been there for weeks now, but I know it was there just this Wednesday because LouAnne Smuthers commented on it, but I looked over and it was just _gone_.” “Barack Obama. If he’s elected President, bad things will happen. Somewhere right here in America. People will do bad things, and possibly kittens will become ill. Or at least get hairballs.” “And black people could well be involved. Negroes. People of predominately African ancestry. People like Barack Hussein Obama.” [Voiceover from Myra Smith]: “I think it may have been that same bunch that put toilet paper all over our yard last year.” “Barack Obama. We can’t trust him.” “I’m John McCain, and I approve this message! I chewed right through the straps–all by myself!–and signed the FEC’s ‘I approve this message’ form, although I did have to do it in crayon 'cause they don’t keep sharp objects around here, not since what Brad Blakeman did to his own grandma…” “Anyway, I’m John McCain and I approve this message! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha HA! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Those fools, they said it couldn’t be done! They said a Republican could never lose Virginia! Or Indiana! I’ll show them! I’ll show them ALL! Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah–I could lose GEORGIA! Hell, I have an outside shot at losing _ **TEXAS!!!** _ They’ll never make me President while I’m alive! NEVER!!!” _::Hurls own feces at the camera::_ ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/54 "2008-10-25T02:59:17Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Oooh oooh! Where’d you see that? Haven’t seen video yet, but there are pictures [here](http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iidrMKZwVNDDlEtkssY6t1xxhg9QD94169T80). ETA: I’ll bet University of Tennessee folks are happy that she’s wearing one of their sweatshirts for her perp-walk. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/55 "2008-10-25T03:02:02Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Oooh oooh! Where’d you see that? [Olbermann. 1:47 into the clip (if I’ve gotten the link right, otherwise its the 4th segment of the program which you can select on the left hand side)](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#27367382). Note, also that Olbermann claims that much of the details of the attack, that the media reported on, came from _the McCain campaign and **not** the police_, who apparently _hadn’t_ even spoken to the “victim” at that point. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/56 "2008-10-25T03:45:09Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > ([video of the bitch](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqsBlXhnFng)) It’s kind of creepy seeing her all calm and smiling before the stain hits the sheets - like the Coney Island video at the end of _Cloverfield._ ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/57 "2008-10-25T04:27:04Z")
**MEBuckner** , that really was a masterpiece of topical bugfuckery. Kudos. > [@Equipoise](#): > > In breaking news, [a McCain supporter was attacked](http://www.thedailybanter.com/tdb/2008/10/i-was-attacked-by-mccain-supporters.html) by a gaggle of 50-year old white women! That J scar will haunt him for the rest of his life! Fake! Fakety fake fake fake! I call shenanigans. The J is **right-way-round!** Fake. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/58 "2008-10-25T04:31:12Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > FACT: The assailant was a black man > FACT: Barack looks fully black at night. (I have no links to this because it’s hard to capture how black he is on film.) I’ve seen him in real life from maybe 15 feet away. He’s _slightly_ darker than George Hamilton. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/59 "2008-10-25T05:34:02Z")
In December. I’m wondering which person is more reprehensible: the bigot himself, or a man who is not a bigot but is willing to stoke and exploit another’s bigotry. I think the first suffer from malignorance, but the second is manifestly evil. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409/60 "2008-10-25T05:47:19Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > I’m wondering which person is more reprehensible: the bigot himself, or a man who is not a bigot but is willing to stoke and exploit another’s bigotry. I think the first suffer from malignorance, but the second is manifestly evil. The second is definitely worse. To me it’s like the difference between an idiot and a cynic in politics. An idiot believes Barack Obama called Sarah Palin a pig with his “lipstick on a pig” remark. A cynic knows that idiots will believe it, and pretends to believe it too in order to get it out there. See Nancy Pfotenhauer for an example. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ashley-todd-youre-a-cumstain-on-humanity/469409.md?page=4)