# Asinine disclaimers in commercials **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 24, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698 "2012-10-24T03:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/21 "2012-10-24T17:40:49Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Why can’t a political candidate who narrates his own commercial end it with “I’m (name), and I’d appreciate your vote”. Isn’t it implied that he approves of his own fucking message? That one is [required by law](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand_By_Your_Ad_provision). ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/22 "2012-10-24T17:44:37Z")
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/23 "2012-10-24T17:52:28Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > The real sad part is knowing that for every idiot warning on a product, there was probably some idiot out there who did what is (now) being warned against… One of the things they specifically tell you in pregnancy class is that once the mother’s water has broken and she is at the hospital in active labor, the two of you are to avoid intercourse. Jeff Foxworthy mentions this in one of his routines, noting that they wouldn’t tell you not to do it unless some people did it. “So, uh … just how far apart are the contractions there, sweet thing? Seems like a shame to waste this semi-private room.” ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/24 "2012-10-24T17:56:49Z")
> [@campp](#): > > I don’t have a specific example, but I always love listening to side effects of advertised drugs. “May include death…” :eek: Especially for the asthma drug - that may include death from asthma. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/25 "2012-10-24T18:32:01Z")
Mandatory Jeff Foxworthy quote: _ **Jeff Foxworthy:** I remember when I was a kid, there were two medicines: aspirin and Campho-Phenique, that was it. But they advertise these prescriptions, and half the time, the side effects are 50 times worse than what the thing cures! It’s like, “Try new Flor-A-Flor. For itchy, watery eyes, it’s Flor-A-Flor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seborrhea, psoriasis, itchy chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoes, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home, feline leukemia, athlete’s foot, head lice, club foot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, split ends, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving, and sexual dysfunction.” I’m like, “I’ll just have itchy, watery eyes!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/26 "2012-10-24T20:44:52Z")
My favorite “dramatization” disclaimer was for some dishwasher detergent that showed tiny men with construction equipment scraping the dried food off of the dishes in the dishwasher. Really? That’s not what happens in there? > [@campp](#): > > I don’t have a specific example, but I always love listening to side effects of advertised drugs. “May include death…” :eek: Dave Barry once wrote about these pharmaceutical ads and how they all have two very conflicting messages. One, you _really_ need to be taking this drug. And two, this drug will probably kill you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/27 "2012-10-24T20:51:18Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Why can’t a political candidate who narrates his own commercial end it with “I’m (name), and I’d appreciate your vote”. Isn’t it implied that he approves of his own fucking message? The old con game was that a campaign would run a hugely negative ad against the opposition and then the candidate would step forward and say \*"I am completely shocked by this ad which states that my opponent **Congressman Bob Smith molested children**. It was never my intent to say that **Congressman Bob Smith molested children** or to imply in any way that **Congressman Bob Smith molested children**. And I certainly would never have authorized these ads that told people **Congressman Bob Smith molested children**. My staff has conducted a thorough investigation into the **Congressman Bob Smith molesting children** issue to determine how these ads saying **Congressman Bob Smith molested children** were released. We found that these ads, which allow me to repeat one more time said **Congressman Bob Smith molested children** , were the work of a single unpaid volunteer who joined our campaign three days ago. Naturally we deeply regret that this volunteer told people that **Congressman Bob Smith molested children** (okay, one more time) and have fired him. So there will be no more ads telling people that **Congressman Bob Smith molested children** (last time really)."\* The basic purpose of the law was to force candidates to acknowledge that they knew what their ads were saying and take responsibility for them. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/28 "2012-10-24T22:54:55Z")
Maybe we should start requiring pharmaceutical-style disclaimers for political ads: > [@](#): > > Senator Bedfellow will stand up for hard-working, tax-paying Americans. Senator Bedfellow understands the problems of folks like you. Senator Bedfellow supports our troops. Senator Bedfellow is _opposed_ to burning the American flag. Senator Bedfellow was born right here in the U.S. of A., the greatest country in the whole world. Senator Bedfellow believes in God and believes He blesses America every day. Senator Bedfellow likes dogs, but he also likes kittens. > > A Vote for Senator Bedfellow is a Vote for the Values that Make America Great. > > Side effects may include enormous budget deficits, higher taxes, land wars in Asia, giveaways to special interests, warrantless wiretaps, race riots, bridges to nowhere, inflation, high unemployment, recession, depression, sex scandals involving interns, and global thermonuclear war. > > I’m Senator Bedfellow and I approve of this message. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/29 "2012-10-24T23:01:44Z")
I once saw a charcoal grill in a store with the warning “Watch children and pets while burning.” ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/30 "2012-10-24T23:39:53Z")
The disclaimers exist because even frivolous lawsuits take time and money to defend against. In a society as litigious as ours, it’s better for business to disclaim too many times than not enough. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/31 "2012-10-24T23:41:30Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > The disclaimers exist because even frivolous lawsuits take time and money to defend against. In a society as litigious as ours, it’s better for business to disclaim too many times than not enough. Way to be a buzzkill. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/32 "2012-10-24T23:46:20Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Dave Barry once wrote about these pharmaceutical ads and how they all have two very conflicting messages. One, you _really_ need to be taking this drug. And two, this drug will probably kill you. 😃 “This medicine is sure to put a stop to your symptoms…And your life.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/33 "2012-10-24T23:54:02Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > I once saw a charcoal grill in a store with the warning “Watch children and pets while burning.” Did it have [this NFPA label](http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080807221338/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/0/0d/Dog_nfpa.jpg/180px-Dog_nfpa.jpg) on it? I burning your dog! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/34 "2012-10-25T00:05:57Z")
Not really in the spirit of the OP but I always got a kick out of the neighborhood street signs that said: “ **Slow children at play** ”. There was no division between “slow” and “children”, so it read as though it was saying there were a bunch of mentally challenged children out and about in the 'hood. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/35 "2012-10-25T00:39:30Z")
Or are not fast enough to get out of the way of a car. ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/36 "2012-10-25T00:57:31Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Found on plastic bags everywhere - “This bag is not a toy.” That’s just sad, really - it always makes me imagine households where a plastic bag _is_ considered a toy. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/37 "2012-10-25T01:17:34Z")
My favorite: May cause an irresistible urge to gamble… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/38 "2012-10-25T01:20:36Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Or are not fast enough to get out of the way of a car. Well that’s not very funny. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/39 "2012-10-25T01:31:34Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > “This medicine is sure to put a stop to your symptoms…And your life.” “But I repeat myself.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/40 "2012-10-25T02:40:59Z")
Side effects include Restless Pants Syndrome, Chris Hanson’s Disease, and DVDiptheria. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698.md?page=3)