# Asinine disclaimers in commercials **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 24, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698 "2012-10-24T03:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/41 "2012-10-25T03:32:19Z")
Steve Martin had an article some years back in The New Yorker that nicely dealt with this topic: > [@](#): > > Men can expect painful urination while sitting, especially if the penis is caught between the toilet seat and the bowl. Projectile vomiting is common in thirty per cent of users-sorry, fifty per cent. If you undergo disorienting nausea accompanied by migraine and raspy breathing, double the dosage. Leg cramps are to be expected; one knee-buckler per day is normal. Bowel movements may become frequent-in fact, every ten minutes. If bowel movements become greater than twelve per hour, consult your doctor, or any doctor, or just anyone who will speak to you. [Link to full article](http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060324/msgs/626555.html) mmm ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/42 "2012-10-25T03:40:23Z")
I enjoy it when sleep aids include the admonishment “may cause drowsiness.” I certainly hope so. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Not really in the spirit of the OP but I always got a kick out of the neighborhood street signs that said: “ **Slow children at play** ”. There was no division between “slow” and “children”, so it read as though it was saying there were a bunch of mentally challenged children out and about in the 'hood. When I see the sign “DRIVE SLOW CHILDREN” I always mentally punctuate it “DRIVE! SLOW CHILDREN.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/43 "2012-10-25T12:19:44Z")
There’s one block in my area where they’ve put up a sign reading “Drive slowly - we love our children”. I figure that means I can speed up in the next block, where they don’t give a rat’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/44 "2012-10-25T13:27:45Z")
> [@fachverwirrt](#): > > I enjoy it when sleep aids include the admonishment “may cause drowsiness.” > > I certainly hope so. > > When I see the sign “DRIVE SLOW CHILDREN” I always mentally punctuate it “DRIVE! SLOW CHILDREN.” Not nearly as alarming as a sign in my old neighbourhood: “BEWARE OF ELDERLY PEDESTRIANS”. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/45 "2012-10-25T13:29:00Z")
Beware? If you don’t keep up speed they’re gonna carjack ya? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/46 "2012-10-25T13:31:18Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Beware? If you don’t keep up speed they’re gonna carjack ya? The threat is left unspecified, and all the more alarming for that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/47 "2012-10-25T13:41:52Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > The threat is left unspecified, and all the more alarming for that. 😃 Hell’s Grannies, from the classic British documentary series “Monty Python’s Flying Cricus.” ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/48 "2012-10-25T14:16:35Z")
I can’t remember the comedian (it might have been Gallagher) who was talking about the warning on a bottle of sleeping pills. Warning - do not operate heavy machinery I don’t know about you, but I always slip into my pajamas, pop a couple of sleeping pills, then fire up the ol’ bulldozer and level off the back 40. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/49 "2012-10-25T14:49:49Z")
There’s one car commercial where the grandson picks his grandfather up from the retirement home and they take a drive. The grandfather’s in the passenger seat, rolls down the window and puts his hand outside, waving it along with the wind. Disclaimer: Closed course, do not attempt. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/50 "2012-10-25T17:17:42Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > I once saw a charcoal grill in a store with the warning “Watch children and pets while burning.” You bet I will! > [@Fugazi](#): > > I can’t remember the comedian (it might have been Gallagher) who was talking about the warning on a bottle of sleeping pills. > > Warning - do not operate heavy machinery > > I don’t know about you, but I always slip into my pajamas, pop a couple of sleeping pills, then fire up the ol’ bulldozer and level off the back 40. You too, eh? I thought it was just me. 🙂 I remembered an old warning on [dremel tools](http://www.amazon.ca/Dremel-4000-2-30-120-Volt-Variable/dp/B002L3RUVG/ref=sr_1_1?s=hi&ie=UTF8&qid=1351184645&sr=1-1) - “Do not use for home dentistry.” Yes, we know it looks a lot like the tool your dentist uses to drill your fillings (and for all I know, it actually is), but you must resist the urge to buy a $25 dremel tool\* and fix your own teeth. \*Ancient history pricing. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/51 "2012-10-25T17:31:27Z")
I like the ad that the French drug mfg. (Boiron) runs for oscillicium (did I get that right)? It is a homeopathic medicine that is supposed to help you to avoid getting the flu. Only the package carries the disclaimer:’ Not intended to diagnose or treat any disease. These claims have not been verified/tested." So I guess dropping $18.00 for a box of this crap is throwing your money away. ---
**Author:** ![Airk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Airk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airk)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/52 "2012-10-25T17:36:25Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > Not quite on topic, since it’s not from a commercial (though I see we’ve already decided to waive that restriction): > > We have a bottle of Pet Shampoo at home that proclaims on the label “Not Tested on Animals”. > > I guess that way I can’t sue if it sets my dog’s hair on fire? 😉 Not to be the wet blanket or anything, but that one’s not a “warning”. It’s a statement of fact like “Contains no MSG”; It means they don’t have a corps of testers back at the lab checking out what happens when that shampoo gets into the eyes of rabbit or something. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/53 "2012-10-25T17:48:37Z")
if we’re getting to disclaimers - I love that _everything_ fishing related now carries a lable “may contain lead…” due to a California mandate. So yes - those lead sinkers - they may indeed contain lead - also that plastic bait, the fishing line, the rod, the reel, etc - basically, the manufacturers have put that disclaimer on _everyting_ so as to make it meaningless. And I once got a packet of Peanuts - that may have been produced in a facility that handled peanuts. ---
**Author:** ![Philliam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/philliam/32/3011_2.png) [@Philliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philliam)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/54 "2012-10-25T17:56:39Z")
> [@campp](#): > > I don’t have a specific example, but I always love listening to side effects of advertised drugs. “May include death…” :eek: … and in veeery fine print “and spontaneous combustion” ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/55 "2012-10-25T18:11:36Z")
I once bought a garden gnome as a gift and the sticker on the bottom said, “Not a Food Product.” Really? Is there a land where people eat garden gnomes? ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/56 "2012-10-25T18:36:36Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > I once saw a charcoal grill in a store with the warning “Watch children and pets while burning.” But they put off such a nice glow. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/57 "2012-10-25T18:44:42Z")
> [@campp](#): > > I don’t have a specific example, but I always love listening to side effects of advertised drugs. “May include death…” :eek: When I see that I think that they just shorten it to: “YOU MAY DIE!”\* - “So there!” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/58 "2012-10-25T18:57:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Found on plastic bags everywhere - “This bag is not a toy.” That’s just sad, really - it always makes me imagine households where a plastic bag _is_ considered a toy. “Sufffff-ocation, the game we like to play!” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/59 "2012-10-25T19:12:50Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Not really in the spirit of the OP but I always got a kick out of the neighborhood street signs that said: “ **Slow children at play** ”. There was no division between “slow” and “children”, so it read as though it was saying there were a bunch of mentally challenged children out and about in the 'hood. There’s an Ogden Nash poem where he reflects on the signs that read: **CROSS CHILDREN WALK** …and determines that **CHEERFUL CHILDREN RIDE** ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/60 "2012-10-26T01:54:36Z")
I just saw one that I’ve been seeing more of lately - “Lashes enhanced in post-production” in commercials for mascara. So, what you’re saying is that the commercials are big fat lies. Got it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698.md?page=4)