# Asinine disclaimers in commercials **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 24, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698 "2012-10-24T03:48:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/81 "2012-10-29T02:43:19Z")
[_Remove Child Before Folding: The 101 Stupidest, Silliest, and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever_](http://www.amazon.com/Remove-Child-Before-Folding-Stupidest/dp/0446696560/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1351478533&sr=1-1&keywords=remove+child+before+folding) ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Downtown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mr\_Downtown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Downtown)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/82 "2012-10-29T04:09:54Z")
A few years back there was a car (Mazda, perhaps?) commercial featuring babies in strollers in a park. Apparently just to amuse us cognoscenti, it carried the disclaimer “stunt babies on closed course.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/83 "2012-10-29T18:06:59Z")
> [@Mr\_Downtown](#): > > A few years back there was a car (Mazda, perhaps?) commercial featuring babies in strollers in a park. Apparently just to amuse us cognoscenti, it carried the disclaimer “stunt babies on closed course.” Agh - I read that as “stunned babies on closed course” at first. Well, I’m no child-lover, but that seems a little too far even for me! ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/84 "2012-10-29T18:24:06Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > When I see that I think that they just shorten it to: > > “YOU MAY DIE!”\* > > - “So there!” They’ve gone even further than that at the top of Nevada Falls in Yosemite, removing any possibility of survival: [http://www.rcarchive.com/hhg/national/gifs/halfdome/pic35.jpg](http://www.rcarchive.com/hhg/national/gifs/halfdome/pic35.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/85 "2012-10-29T21:05:26Z")
My favorite use of the “Closed course. Do not attempt” car commercial one was the commercial where the astronauts in space suits were hot rodding their car on the Moon. Thank God for that warning, as I was planning on doing just that the next time I was on THE MOON ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/86 "2012-10-29T22:42:20Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > I once saw a charcoal grill in a store with the warning “Watch children and pets while burning.” Was that the [Moloch](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moloch) brand grill? > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Not really in the spirit of the OP but I always got a kick out of the neighborhood street signs that said: “ **Slow children at play** ”. There was no division between “slow” and “children”, so it read as though it was saying there were a bunch of mentally challenged children out and about in the 'hood. Comedian I heard years and years ago: “So I hear these ads that say, ‘School’s started! Please drive carefully!’ and then these other ads that say, ‘School’s out! Please drive carefully!’ C’mon, when do we get a shot at these kids?” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/87 "2012-10-30T23:40:13Z")
> [@Airk](#): > > Not to be the wet blanket or anything, but that one’s not a “warning”. It’s a statement of fact like “Contains no MSG”; It means they don’t have a corps of testers back at the lab checking out what happens when that shampoo gets into the eyes of rabbit or something. Yeah, but usually the only reason they can get by with that is that someone else already did said testing. The only alternative would be testing completely unknown and possibly dangerous substances on humans. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/88 "2012-10-31T01:00:14Z")
I saw one this week - for an ad for some nasal spray. The point of the ad is that our nasal spray is a fine mist that stays in your nose, not dripping down your throat like those _other_ guys. The disclaimer is that the spray dripping down your throat does not affect efficacy. So, the whole point of your product is that it does something that makes no difference. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/89 "2012-10-31T01:16:02Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > So, the whole point of your product is that it does something that makes no difference. It _does_ make a difference, just not to the action of the drug. That shit is absolutely vile when it drips down your throat. (Also, the ‘no drip’ stuff _lies_.) ---
**Author:** ![Airk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Airk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airk)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/90 "2012-11-01T19:15:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Yeah, but usually the only reason they can get by with that is that someone else already did said testing. The only alternative would be testing completely unknown and possibly dangerous substances on humans. Unless of course they’re not using “unknown and possibly dangerous substances”? I mean, it’s shampoo, FFS, how much “unknown and possibly dangerous” do you need? At this point, I think we’ve probably identified the chemicals that will show up in them that will cause blindness and death, and we can just not make shampoo with those in it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/91 "2012-11-01T19:50:03Z")
Isn’t pretty much a given that if an ingredient is “unknown”, it is also possibly dangerous? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/92 "2012-11-01T20:30:10Z")
> [@Airk](#): > > At this point, I think we’ve probably identified the chemicals that will show up in them that will cause blindness and death, and we can just not make shampoo with those in it. 😛 [There’s](http://www.theonion.com/articles/johnson-johnson-introduces-nothing-but-tears-shamp,2506/) Johnson & Johnson ‘Nothing But Tears’ Shampoo. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/93 "2012-11-01T20:38:37Z")
The tears of a clown? ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/94 "2012-11-07T21:06:11Z")
Those cheap “carabiners” (that you see for about $1.00 each)-people use them for key rings. They all say “Not For Climbing”. Has anyone been killed using these things for technical climbing? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/95 "2012-11-07T21:43:38Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > [There’s](http://www.theonion.com/articles/johnson-johnson-introduces-nothing-but-tears-shamp,2506/) Johnson & Johnson ‘Nothing But Tears’ Shampoo. How did I miss this the first time around? I’m sitting here laughing way, waaay too much at that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/96 "2012-11-07T22:12:30Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > One of the things they specifically tell you in pregnancy class is that once the mother’s water has broken and she is at the hospital in active labor, the two of you are to avoid intercourse. Jeff Foxworthy mentions this in one of his routines, noting that they wouldn’t tell you not to do it unless some people did it. “So, uh … just how far apart are the contractions there, sweet thing? Seems like a shame to waste this semi-private room.” It’s been asserted here and on other boards that post-colostomy education typically includes the instruction that one should not use the stoma for sexual intercourse. This warning, and the associated activity, is not entirely hypothetical. Ick. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/97 "2012-11-07T22:16:44Z")
> [@cwthree](#): > > It’s been asserted here and on other boards that post-colostomy education typically includes the instruction that one should not use the stoma for sexual intercourse. This warning, and the associated activity, is not entirely hypothetical. Ick. holey shit! ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698/98 "2012-11-07T23:19:00Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > Yep, thats the one. If they have to put a Best Before date on that stuff it ought to be “Best before: can explodes due to build-up of gaseous products of putrefaction”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asinine-disclaimers-in-commercials/638698.md?page=4)