# Ask a 23 year old virgin anything **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707 "2015-06-28T16:20:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/83 "2015-06-30T17:04:52Z")
> [@kiz](#): > > Rejects from Reddit. I’m not from reddit. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/84 "2015-06-30T22:31:08Z")
The tone of some of your posts suggests you’re sad because you can’t get laid (sorry to be vulgar), but that’s not really the case at all, right? You’re wanting to marry a nice Muslim woman, I presume, and you’re worried your social skills are going to prevent this from happening. But why be worried, so soon? I have no idea what are the mechanisms for Muslims to meet and pair up in marriage – doesn’t the family have quite a lot to do with it? But however that works, you have lots of time. You’re 23. Plenty of time to improve your social skills. YEARS to work on them – in a whole decade from now, you’ll still be very young, marriageable, hopefully with a career … LOTS of time. Most 23-year-olds are awkward. Calm down. 🙂 But if you really do have a problem with socializing and presenting yourself, you’ve got to take charge of the problem and work on yourself. It will only get better by doing, and it will be uncomfortable. You have to make yourself. Meet people, talk to them, be friends with them. Go out and do things. Focus on the needs of others – can you pitch in on a project, help someone out? DO you go to mosque? Make a pest of yourself there, asking to help out. Take a class, learn more about your religion. You’ll meet people and be forced to talk with them, and this will improve your social skills through repetition. And if you’re doing some good work for people other than yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself for that reason alone. Get out there! ---
**Author:** ![Nema98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d2c977/32.png) [@Nema98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nema98)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2015, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/85 "2015-06-30T22:36:28Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > I moved from a small town in Tennessee to New York City. It worked. I see, well glad it helped. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/86 "2015-07-08T07:37:46Z")
> [@Briny\_Deep](#): > > The tone of some of your posts suggests you’re sad because you can’t get laid (sorry to be vulgar), but that’s not really the case at all, right? You’re wanting to marry a nice Muslim woman, I presume, and you’re worried your social skills are going to prevent this from happening. But why be worried, so soon? I have looked on some muslim matrimony sites but I don’t like the women I’ve come across over there. It’s making me depressed because I’m worried I’ll never find anyone I like on these sites. The problem is I have no friends and don’t know anyone in real life so I’m forced into using these online matchmaking sites which I have little faith in. The women I see everyday in real life are far more attractive and it’s causing me a great deal of stress. Where I do work experience (I’ve never had a job), the people are on average more attractive than where I live. Its knocking down my self esteem having to see this everyday. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/87 "2015-07-08T08:32:30Z")
> [@Briny\_Deep](#): > > you have lots of time. You’re 23. Plenty of time to improve your social skills. YEARS to work on them – in a whole decade from now, you’ll still be very young > […] > But if you really do have a problem with socializing and presenting yourself, you’ve got to take charge of the problem and work on yourself. Agreed, but I would emphasize the latter. I know people who sound like the OP who are 23, and some who are 33 and some 43. And I was that way myself until about age 30. It’s a rut guys can get stuck in for a looong time. A comforting rut in some ways (while you sit on the sidelines, you can tell yourself you’re a great guy if only girls would give you a chance. Rather than going to the trouble of actually _being_ a great guy). So as long as such guys think they have time, they kick the can down the road. > [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > The women I see everyday in real life are far more attractive and it’s causing me a great deal of stress. Where I do work experience (I’ve never had a job), the people are on average more attractive than where I live. Its knocking down my self esteem having to see this everyday. I suspect you may lose a little goodwill in the thread at this point. You say you’ve never even dated before. Do you know whether you have a realistic prospect of the attractive women where you work dating you? I don’t mean to dent your confidence; I’m not saying aim down. What I’m saying is, you need to talk to people, and arrange a few dates, and start to build some idea of how attractive you are to others currently. Then you can work on making yourself more attractive. In the meantime, you have no reason to limit your view to the stunners. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2015, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/88 "2015-07-08T10:56:27Z")
What is “work experience”? Get a job or go to school. A 23-year-old with no job and dim future earnings prospects isn’t really even going to be able to get an ugly girl from a marriage website. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/89 "2015-07-24T00:53:25Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > No, ask rather **What _is_ it with all these posters on this supposedly liberal, enlightened message board who treat posters like this OP and others similar, with such hatred, contempt, and insults that no leper in Jesus’s day ever had to endure?** > > And why do the mods so quietly tolerate and enable the level of jerkish animosity that we see every time a thread like this happens? (No, I’m not calling the above-quoted poster a jerk in particular. I’m calling practically everyone (well, a whole lot of them anyway) who posts in these sorts of threads jerks, especially in that thread yesterday.) > > MODS: WHY do you let this go on like this? (Please don’t ask me to take it up in ATMB. This post is part of THIS conversation.) > > ETA: Okay, just skimmed this thread. Not as bad as what we usually see here. I’ve never understood this either. The SDMB seems to be tolerant of almost anyone except virgins. Gay/lesbian? Tolerance and acceptance! Obese? Tolerance and acceptance! Muslim? Tolerance and acceptance! Mental disorder? Tolerance and acceptance! Transgender? Tolerance and acceptance! Virgin? Hahaha, loser! ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/90 "2015-07-24T07:24:58Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > What is “work experience”? > Get a job or go to school. A 23-year-old with no job and dim future earnings prospects isn’t really even going to be able to get an ugly girl from a marriage website. That’s self explanatory. I am currently studying and doing work but not getting paid. My future earning prospects are pretty good but that’s the future. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/91 "2015-07-24T07:36:34Z")
Is it possible to get a girlfriend without having a job? ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/92 "2015-07-24T08:48:05Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > Is it possible to get a girlfriend without having a job? Yes; I don’t even think it’s a big deal especially if, like you say, your future prospects are good and you have a clear plan. I think in the main it’s only a turnoff if you have a sucky job / unemployed _and_ you’re not doing anything to rectify it. Oh, and for the sake of completeness, of course there are some women who would only date a guy if he earns X, but they are the minority IMO. I’ve had no issues dating women who earned a lot more than I did at the time, for example. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/93 "2015-07-24T12:50:39Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’ve never understood this either. The SDMB seems to be tolerant of almost anyone except virgins. > Gay/lesbian? Tolerance and acceptance! > > Obese? Tolerance and acceptance! > > Muslim? Tolerance and acceptance! > > Mental disorder? Tolerance and acceptance! > > Transgender? Tolerance and acceptance! > > Virgin? Hahaha, loser! So what, suddenly you’re all for tolerance now that it affects you? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/94 "2015-07-24T14:00:14Z")
> [@HandsomeGorilla](#): > > I have never dated or even approached a woman. In the other thread you claimed women won’t date you. Well, gosh, I guess now we know why you don’t get many dates. ---
**Author:** ![HandsomeGorilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@HandsomeGorilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HandsomeGorilla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2015, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707/95 "2015-07-24T16:16:02Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > In the other thread you claimed women won’t date you. Well, gosh, I guess now we know why you don’t get many dates. I don’t have any friends so it would be impossible to approach a woman. I was thinking lately about approaching a stranger in public but that would be utterly foolish. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-23-year-old-virgin-anything/723707.md?page=4)