# Ask a black gay guy! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 30, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469 "2005-01-30T20:13:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/42 "2005-01-31T04:52:09Z")
So if you’ve only been out on “one date” how _does_ a mostly closeted gay black man hook up relationship-wise or sexually with other gay guys? ---
**Author:** ![MaceMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@MaceMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaceMan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/43 "2005-01-31T05:43:20Z")
Dealing with the injustices of racism, blacks can usually count on the support of the black community, their church, and their parents. However, they are usually left with nowhere to turn for support if they happen to be gay. Because of this, some blacks have told me that their homosexuality has generally been more of a problem for them than racial discrimination. (Those few happened to be lesbians or bisexual females.) How do you, as black man, feel about this? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/44 "2005-01-31T16:45:44Z")
What do you like to read? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/45 "2005-01-31T16:58:48Z")
Langston Hughes was gay? Why didn’t anyone tell me? I’ve read some things about his life, and this was never mentioned. I read some stories and poems by Lanston Hughes in school, and bought and read a few books of his on my home. Some were repubished recently with forwards and none mention this. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/46 "2005-01-31T20:21:00Z")
Would it have changed what you thought of Langston Hughes? Did you know Sir Ian McClellan is gay? What do you think of Gandalf now? ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/47 "2005-01-31T20:46:15Z")
> [@Honesty](#): > > 1. No unless its Nelly or Eminem > > 2. Maybe. > > - Honesty I’d like to know your opinion on musicians that use lyrics that seem to adovcate violence against other minorities, such as gays and women. How do you feel about this? ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/48 "2005-01-31T20:47:03Z")
Is your name Dave? -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/49 "2005-01-31T21:10:42Z")
I opened this thread mainly to see if there would be any info on the “DL” subject. I wasn’t even sure what the name of this lifestyle was. Thanks for shedding some light on it. Why do you think there are so many closeted black gays as opposed to say whites (I only say whites since that is my main frame of reference)? Do you think the strict religious upbringing might have had a backlash effect? I’m not sure that is even a fair question, pretty well Bible Belt here but not a preponderance of closeted white “DL” gays AFAIK. I may be ignorant to their existance, but I was under the impression this was a black phenomenom. Also, would a “DL” guy wear an ear ring in his right ear? The reason I ask is I once worked with a black guy, wife, kids, seemed like a regular guy except for right ear ring. I asked him about it and he wouldn’t say anything except, “It’s a black thing”. But if he was “DL”, wouldn’t this fly in the face of the strict closeted secrecy if he was flying a flag of sorts? Or is the right ear ring a “black thing” with a different meaning than with white gays (again I may be showing my ignorance as I’m not really up on gay culture in general)? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/50 "2005-01-31T23:10:01Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Would it have changed what you thought of Langston Hughes? Did you know Sir Ian McClellan is gay? What do you think of Gandalf now? Well, it did change my opinion of Ian McKellan. I thought he was a great actor, but now I think he is a great actor, and a brave man, to have came out at last. It is not easy to change the habits of a lifetime, and he did. It also lead me to his writings, which are amazing. I don’t expect that kind of depth or intellect from an actor. I don’t see Gandalf as gay or straight. He could be either or bi, or a pervy hobbit fancier, but it never seems to enter into the story. BTW: Frodo was gay, as was Bilbo, and Sam was bi, in my take on the stories. Yes, it changes my opinion of Langston Hughes. He certainly seems less open about himself than I had thought. Also, in what I have read, he did not lie about his own sexuality or attack homosexuals to cover his own leanings. That to me strengthens my admiration of him as an individual. I love the character of the narrator of the Jess B. Semple stories. This revelation makes me boggle that the narrator so often seemed to reveal what Hughes thought, but never once made me think that Hughes or the narrator was either gay or homophobic. He seemed to have a cool detachment, a certain distance from the audience, I always wondered if it was that he was due to him being black writing for a white audience, or because he was black writing for a mixed audience, or just that he was a thinker writing for an often non-thinking audience, or some other reason entirely, but it could easily be that he was gay writing for a straight and all to gay hostile audience, or just that he valued his own privacy. Being gay in a hostile environment certainly could teach one the value of privacy, and also that not all that want privacy are wrongdoers. Do you really think it is wrong to care about someone’s race or orientation altogether? Do you think it has no bearing on interpreting their art? I am not saying that one can only speak to and of ones own kind, that say, a man cannot write of a woman’s experience, Chris Baldwin certainly seems to do a good job with Bruno, but yes, I do think that an artist’s experience matters in looking at the artist’s work, expecially when an artist writes about their own times. If it never mattered to anyone at all this thread would be better named ask a person. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/51 "2005-02-01T00:24:08Z")
I apologise for hijacking your thread, **Honesty**. I have taken the discussion elsewhere. And I still what to know what you like to read. ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/52 "2005-02-01T04:09:01Z")
> [@astro](#): > > So if you’ve only been out on “one date” how _does_ a mostly closeted gay black man hook up relationship-wise or sexually with other gay guys? Through the Internet mostly: AOL and Yahoo! chatrooms. You’ll find a spattering on mailing groups and on “sex” websites that are basically the gay equilavent of [adultfriendfinder.com](http://adultfriendfinder.com) Though, personally speaking, I’m very much out of the closet. - Honesty ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/53 "2005-02-01T04:19:50Z")
> [@lee](#): > > What do you like to read? Promise not to laugh? I really like fantasy and hope to be a fantasy writer someday but aside from that . . . I’ve really enjoyed [Magic’s Pawn,](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0886773520/qid=1107232176/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310) [Exile’s Honor](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0756401135/qid=1107232264/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [Brightly Burning](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0886779898/qid=1107232118/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [The Bell Curve](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0029146739/qid=1107232145/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [American Gods](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0380789035/qid=1107232203/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [The Souls of Black Folk](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/014018998X/qid=1107232072/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-3917710-7354310?v=glance&s=books),[Losing the Race: Self-Sabotage in Black America](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060935936/qid=1107231982/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [Mismeasure of Man](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393314251/qid=1107231941/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-3917710-7354310), [Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0451527526/104-3917710-7354310?v=glance). - Honesty ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/54 "2005-02-01T04:24:54Z")
I like showtunes and think Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is one of the best movies I have ever seen. How gay am I? Never having been attracted to, or been with a man, but showtunes damn it…I have to hide my love away! ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/55 "2005-02-01T04:26:12Z")
I did not laugh, but I did smile. I like Neil Gaiman too, and keep meaning to read more Lackey. Have you ever read any Lawrence Watt-Evans or U.K. LeGuin? Are you working on a novel? ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/56 "2005-02-01T04:31:42Z")
> [@MaceMan](#): > > Dealing with the injustices of racism, blacks can usually count on the support of the black community, their church, and their parents. However, they are usually left with nowhere to turn for support if they happen to be gay. Because of this, some blacks have told me that their homosexuality has generally been more of a problem for them than racial discrimination. (Those few happened to be lesbians or bisexual females.) How do you, as black man, feel about this? I agree with them. Nothing frightens white America more than the implication that they are racist. This “fear” sets the stage for modern, lovey-dovey white “abolitionists” to do everything in their power to be as comforting as possible. While I have been discriminated against because of the color of my skin, I can say that the majority of white people I have encountered make a sincere effort to be as cordial and kind to me as humanly possible. If I do encounter discrimination (or what I perceive to be discrimination) I am more apt to chalk it up to homophobia than racism. I hope I answered your question. - Honesty ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/57 "2005-02-01T04:38:22Z")
This thread has been very enlightening, **Honesty** , and has made me laugh and think alot. I love the open and honest questions that I get in real life. My basic rule is that you can ask me anything you want, as long as you are polite. I think it helps to break down some barriers, and fight ignorance. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/58 "2005-02-01T04:43:47Z")
> [@Freyr](#): > > I’d like to know your opinion on musicians that use lyrics that seem to adovcate violence against other minorities, such as gays and women. How do you feel about this? Naturally, I think it is terrible, wrong, and most of all immoral. On the other hand, I am currently listening to\* Money, Power, Respect\* by Lil’ Kim and the Lox, so my gut is making me second guess whether I **really** think it is “terrible and wrong”. The music, for me, is purely an exercise of culture. I am not religious and have no belief of a higher being yet every Sunday I make it a point to listen to typical Christian songs like _His Eye is On the Sparrow_ or _A Bridge over Troubled Water_. I do listen to PG-13 rappers like Will Smith, The Fugees, Salt n’ Pepper, MC Lyte, etc etc. This subgenre of rap, unfortunately, happens to be lost to the annals of time. - Honesty ---
**Author:** ![Honesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f04885/32.png) [@Honesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honesty)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/59 "2005-02-01T04:48:38Z")
> [@lee](#): > > I did not laugh, but I did smile. I like Neil Gaiman too, and keep meaning to read more Lackey. Have you ever read any Lawrence Watt-Evans or U.K. LeGuin? > > Are you working on a novel? Pfft! Novel? Hardly. I would like to but every time I start one, it basically gets turned into a short story. One of my shorter stories got accepted into a fantasy literary magazine, but unfortunately, they retracted their offer a month later. I’ve never read Watt-Evans but I did read some of LeGuin but really couldn’t get into it. If I remember correctly, the book was some story about some gender-bending aliens that made me ask “WTF?”. What Lackey books have you read? - Honesty ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/60 "2005-02-01T05:01:31Z")
> [@Honesty](#): > > Pfft! > If I remember correctly, the book was some story about some gender-bending aliens that made me ask “WTF?”. > > What Lackey books have you read? > > - Honesty I don’t remember which ones I started. It was during college and something always seemed to prevent me getting too far into them. You might pick up the Earthsea trilogy, it is much more accessible than _Lefthand of Darkness_. LeGuin’s short stories are great too. I like short stories better than novels many times, they stay more with me. Harry Turtledove is one of my favorite short story authors. The friend who tried to get me interested in Lackey suceeded in interesting me in Watt-Evans’s _The Misenchanted Sword_. It is nice light fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469/61 "2005-02-01T05:06:59Z")
Have you read any of Diane Duane’s books? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-black-gay-guy/287469.md?page=4)