Maybe I need to talk about it. Actually I really want to talk about the past 11 years to a real investigative reporter.
I never read anything. I don’t watch TV either.
Perhaps you might start a thread like: How help a PTSD victim? I’m sure there are tons of vets and other 9-11 responders here.
I have been thinking about your questions since I read them the 1st time. They’re very good questions.
I’ll revisit #2: I was proud of the skills I have. I am (or was) a good person to have around if your neighborhood suddenly falls down. I am wired for crisis. I have an instinct for what needs to be done. I was in my element.
One the other hand… It was a very humbling experience. This is hard to put into words but I’m trying. I will probably contradict myself elsewhere, if I haven’t already.
There were the “Thank You People.” People lined up along the West SIde Highway or thereabouts, 24-7, with signs and water bottles and cheering. I guess they saw us as heroes. One pre-dawn I walked out (out of “Ground Zero.”) Saw one other soul. Got a ride from another halfway to the (duh) border. And there were the Thank You People. I felt humiliated. I felt teeny-tiny. It was awful.
I wish I never went. We paid a very dear price.
I was in Manhattan that day also, but I was running away from the site, not towards it, so I greatly appreciate what you and all of the other responders did. So thank you. As for a question, how long were you there at a single stretch?
I feel terrible for the people that we’re there real time. I feel especially terrible for those who observed the jumpers. I’m glad you got out okay!
Can you tell us what you actually did and what agency you worked with?
I can’t. One reason is legal. Another is that I feel too teeny-tiny to expose myself too much. Another is I want to be as anonymous as possible.
I was in mental health and medical.
Yes, I’m wondering what it is you did there, and if you still do that. ETA: Oops, just saw you don’t want to share. No problem. 
If you don’t mind my sharing a bit of someone else’s experience, you already know my SO was there. (Actually, in a bit of coincidental horribleness, he was in Oklahoma City for a seminar and visited the site of that bombing on Sept 10. Got home late that night and was at Ground Zero the next day.) He was a paramedic.
He is no longer a paramedic.
The two are not directly related, except when sometimes they are. He hasn’t told me a lot, except that his PTSD is directly related to being at Ground Zero. It seems like what bothers him the most (of the things he’s shared) is that he was just so damn helpless. His skills as a paramedic weren’t needed, because there was no one to save. He seems to have spent most of his time with a shovel, digging through rubble looking for body parts.
He has COPD now, which is being followed by some organization tracking illnesses they think are related to being at Ground Zero.
I think people…well, they’re not forgetting, exactly, but they (we) don’t seem to appreciate how very real and present and immediate “Ground Zero” still is to the people that were there. For those of us who weren’t there, it’s in the past. For him, it’s still part of his present. He talks and feels about it like I talk and feel about something that happened yesterday. There’s no emotional distance. (Which I understand is pretty normal for PTSD.)
He’s still very, very, very angry about the attacks.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful at all, cynyc. But you’re not alone. Other people are hurting still, too.
I just found this: First Responder Alliance.
There’s a registration form to join the FRA here: http://www.tuesdayschildren.org/component/chronocontact/?chronoformname=FR1
It’s part of Tuesday’s Children, an organization which “serves all those directly impacted by the events of September 11, 2001—children, families, 9/11 responders—through life-changing programs and services.”
I’d urge you (and I’ll urge him) to get in contact with Fran. Couldn’t hurt.
Whynot:
Why not? Because there are fraudulent “9-11 Charities” out there.
Didn’t I give you an order? 
Fuck it. I know Fran. And she knows me. In fact I sent this around the other day:
“Military Sexual Trauma”, or, I need representation on a variety of issues not limited to:
I am a bona-fide 9-11 initial responder and single adoptive mother. My son had just turned 6 when the WTC came down. Plus we live in downtown Manhattan. The past ten years have been HELL for us. In the summer prior to the tenth anniversary of “9-11” I read that Tuesdays Children was opening up services to the children of responders and I leapt at their offer of a mentor program for my son. I had a couple of friendly phone calls then nobody wanted anything to do with us. My son was heartbroken that he didn’t get to meet the Giants like all the other kids. The verbal promise of an invite to the 10th anniversary dinner never came through. (They had a 10K FLOWER budget for that one.) Nobody returned our emails. I was seeking support and some pump-up for my son as his mother has been disabled and homebound for years. I need press and I need an attorney. I can vet everything I’m saying except for this hypothesis: My hypothesis is that if one took acetates of names and neighborhoods related to 9-11 charities, you’ll find hot spots in names of the players, recipients and zip codes. I believe the VP of **** who was also on the board of TC blacklisted us because she didn’t like me. Somebody please help us.
Woman down!
Been trying to avoid it but I’m fucked.
The Kid just came back in and I had to tell him “look I can’t pretend that I’m not fucked up because of this 9-11 thing.” And I don’t use the F-word around the house. “I just need you to be helpful and do things and act normal and maybe we can watch a movie or something.” (Son be my parent please.)
He’s says–“Like I’m not? Not to be disrespectful but I think I have it worse than you.”
Me: “I know that hun and that makes me feel even more fucked up.”
“God help us–every one.”
Sorry. It was not my intent to be the Dreary Lady. Live action PTSD I guess.
Welcome to my mood swing, or thank you SD posters! Some of y’all are cracking me up. You know who you are.
Well, warm thoughts and internet hugs aren’t what you need, are they?
I cannot offer you anything, I am not in any network, I don’t know any one …
What are you doing tomorrow? Do you have anyplace to go, people to be with?
Yes. We have somewhere to go if I make it. I finally found a psychiatrist that takes my son’s medical insurance. Had to wait two months for this appointment. I don’t think he’d need a psychiatrist if…
Right after 9-11 a wise person said to me, “some of us are going to wish we were in those towers.”
We’re digging through VHS videos to see if we have anything funny. Yes, VHS.
“Good Night and Good Luck.”
If you make it?
I can’t check in during the day, I’ll be work. Ride light over the rough road.
cynyc we are here for you.
Wow, this is amazing! One of my friends was a (female) first responder at the Pentagon. She was coordinating the Red Cross’s response. Her story is amazing. One of the biggest things I remember were (1) Don’t just show up at something like this thinking that you’ll “help” with no special skills or assignment. (2) Ask the Red Cross what they need before you start donating stuff that they can’t use. (In general, they can’t really make much use of donated goods from individuals; they need large shipments from professional suppliers.) and (3) There are plenty of weirdos who show up just to try to get a glimpse of mangled bodies.
Our PM dialogue will continue. My thread on the event can be found by Searching “Everything Changed”.
I am, incredibly, IN THE ROOM I wound up in on Sept 11. Pier 61. Rough day.
The sense of anger and pain will subside in time, Cynyc. Remaining quiet and not talking are toxic. Good on you for doing this thread.
Cartooniverse, NYS EMT ( Retired )
Today not bad. Interesting in a way. Laying very low. No 9-11 anniversary in this house. Just passing through.
XO