# Ask a Moron! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 21, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604 "2005-03-21T18:22:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/1 "2005-03-21T18:22:33Z")
**Amazon Floozy Goddess** inspired me with wild claims about a great demand for a thread like this. šŸ™‚ Anyway, Iā€™ve had people call me a Moron before, including girlfriends, employers, and friends, so I just might qualify as one. Please ask me questions as you would of any other Moron. I will try to respond from the point of view of a Moron. Ever wanted to know what life is like for a Moron? What hardships we encounter, what challenges we face, how we are treated by non-Moronsā€¦All this and more! As Stuart would say, I will try to be the best Moron I can be. I hope I will not disappoint. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/2 "2005-03-21T18:49:52Z")
Dear Moron: Iā€™ll trade you these _five_ one-doller bills for your _one_ twenty-dollar bill. Thatā€™s five for one! Wanna trade? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/3 "2005-03-21T18:51:04Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > ā€¦one-dollerā€¦ Speaking of moronsā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/4 "2005-03-21T19:13:44Z")
Hey Moron! Who dresses you? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/5 "2005-03-21T19:33:42Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Dear Moron: > > Iā€™ll trade you these _five_ one-doller bills for your _one_ twenty-dollar bill. Thatā€™s five for one! Wanna trade? I know thereā€™s a catch somewhereā€¦ And I am quite capable of dressing myself, thank you very much. Note I do not say I have any fashion sense. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/6 "2005-03-21T19:34:33Z")
_opens milk carton_ eeeeeew, I think this has gone bad, can you try it? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/7 "2005-03-21T19:35:20Z")
Hey **Hal**! Is that the twenty doller bill you got from the ATMB? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/8 "2005-03-21T20:34:01Z")
Hey Moron, Wanna buy this pretty gold ring I have? Look itā€™s real gold and everything. Just for you, Iā€™ll take that $20 bill before you give it to **Hal**. (hides the Cracker Jack label) ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/9 "2005-03-21T20:39:18Z")
Why is for the other thing were upside down? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/10 "2005-03-21T20:40:59Z")
Gabe, ignore these people. Theyā€™re trying to trick you. Iā€™m telling you this because I like you and you can trust me. Iā€™m your friend. Which is why you should vote for me next election day. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/11 "2005-03-21T20:51:34Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Wanna buy this pretty gold ring I have? Look itā€™s real gold and everything. :eek: Shiny! ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/12 "2005-03-21T21:23:59Z")
Do you have more than one wife? Do you sing at the Tabernacle? Do you really wear sacred underpants? ā€¦huh?.. OH! I thought it said ā€œAsk a MORMON!ā€ ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/13 "2005-03-21T21:27:42Z")
No. No. And Do you mean ā€œsacredā€ or ā€œholyā€? šŸ˜ƒ I crack me up. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/14 "2005-03-21T21:48:34Z")
How do you keep a moron in suspense? ā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/15 "2005-03-21T21:57:42Z")
I have donā€™t have a question, but I have a joke youā€™d absolutely love!! Readyā€¦ Say, ā€œKNOCK, KNOCKā€. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/16 "2005-03-21T21:59:09Z")
To find out if you are a moron, please press refresh on your browser and follow all instructions in this post again. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/17 "2005-03-21T22:05:02Z")
Hm. Even being humorous, it does feel mean. CynicalGabe, dunno if youā€™re a moron or notā€“but I can definitely call you something better than that if we meet again in a different thread. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/18 "2005-03-21T22:45:30Z")
Naw, Iā€™m not gonna ask a Moron anything. The last time I had a conversation with a Moron was when these two really insistent Moron missionaries kept coming by my house trying to get me interested in the Book of Moron, and Iā€™ve heard pretty much all the Moron doctrine I need to hear for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/19 "2005-03-22T00:01:59Z")
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? How many times does it take you to guess which is your left hand? (It usually takes me three tries) Bad, bad (possibly offensive) joke: Is it true that where you come from, at weddings, everyone sits at the same side of the church? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604/20 "2005-03-22T01:20:58Z")
Dear **CynicalGabe** Who did you vote for in the laste election, and why? Yours Anne Eediot [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-moron/295604.md?page=2)