# Ask a Witch next time.....asshole **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 1999, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188 "1999-09-08T05:43:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Banshee\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@Banshee\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banshee_1)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/1 "1999-09-08T05:43:00Z")
Here’s to you Cecil… here’s to your sophmoric efforts to shed light as to why witches are commonly asociated with brooms… Instead of asking a witch, you dig up some of the oldest Christian relics you can, reducing witches to nothing more than mastubating drug addicts. You could have researched instead you relied on the help of our immortal enemies… The Christians. Witches used broomsticks as wand because they were frightened to death of their RELIGION being discovered. We all know what happened to witches in the 1400’s. If anyone was doing drugs and hallucinating it was the Christians who actually thought they witches were flying. As for Witches who admitted to rubbing a halucinate sathe on a broomstick and rubbing it on their crotch to produce visions… I’m pretty sure if you were tied to a stake with a flame being set at your feet, you would pretty much admit to anything too…asshole. Lastly, in all of your babbling you seem to elude to the fact that witches are all female… Once again you are wrong, genius boy. I am male and I am indeed a witch. Obviously we witches owe you an apology, yes an apology, even though our religon Wicca is recognized by the United States government, an apology even though you printed a one sided piece of shit to a newspaper for millions to see, YES an fucking apology even though you have no fucking idea what you are talking about…an apology because we gave you the idea that you could treat us like a bunch of fucking assholes… Next time, take your smart little brain to the library and read a few books, Einstein. Piss up a Broom stick, Mojo * * * ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/2 "1999-09-08T05:45:00Z")
I got matches, anyone with me! ---
**Author:** ![gypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbce88/32.png) [@gypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gypsy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/3 "1999-09-08T05:46:00Z")
hey! look at me…I am bringing dry wood and a can of gasoline to the party * * * Unforgiven ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/4 "1999-09-08T06:59:00Z")
Oh yes nice attitude. Blessed be my ass. You come here not only attacking Cecil but another religion (seems you need a lesson in forgiveness). You despise Christianity for past sins, yet you hate them as much as you are hated by SOME Christians (this Christian actually finds Wicca interesting, along with buddhism, Hindu, etc.). Dont lump me into your immortal enemy group. You are starting to sound like those who start jihads on whole countries _Osama Bin Laden_ _cough_ ---
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/5 "1999-09-08T07:58:00Z")
::tacking up a sign:: “The post at the top of this thread does not represent the views of all witches, Wiccans, or members of nature-based religions.” **Banshee\_** , we pagans have a hard enough time getting good publicity without you blathering like an idiot. If you want Cecil to post a correction, send him an email and say so (as I have done). _Don’t_ just hang around and scream insults like a six-year-old. You’re being a stupid, immature, childish fool, and because you claim to be speaking on behalf of our religion, you’re reflecting badly on the rest of us. Do us all a favor and shut up now, before you dig the hole any deeper. * * * Of course I don’t fit in; I’m part of a better puzzle. ---
**Author:** ![Contestant\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@Contestant\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contestant_3)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/6 "1999-09-08T08:03:00Z")
Auraseer, Banshee\_, Again I ask, why not use your (tee hee hee) “magik” to get the results that you seek? Do the wittle witches get upset when we don’t beweive their D&D fantasy? * * * Contestant #3 ---
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/7 "1999-09-08T08:20:00Z")
And of course, where there is controversy, our resident troll must pop up. I was wondering how long it would take you, C3. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/8 "1999-09-08T10:00:00Z")
It was funny though. D&D fantasy, thats creative 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/9 "1999-09-08T11:03:00Z")
I WAS gonna move this thread, too, but I think it’ll do more good here. Here’s a hint for everyone: Cecil doesn’t READ this forum, unless yours truly lets him know about a particular thread or post. You want to flame Cecil here? It’s not going to upset him one bit. He won’t know about it. Cecil doesn’t read all of the Comments forum either, but he does scan it regularly, and so do his assistants. Lynn/SDStaff Lynn For the Straight Dope ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/10 "1999-09-08T11:06:00Z")
“Ask a witch.” “Next time… Asshole!” Banshee proves why a columnist would never seek someone out with such a furtive tie and inferiority complex to the subject of his or her research. Any information Banshee could possibly have provide Unca Cees would have been most definitely shaded towards the “neocreationalist” version of witchdom. Wiccans, witches, warlocks… far and away a most mellow group of fellow earth dwellers. There are exceptions though. ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/11 "1999-09-08T11:46:00Z")
_leans back in chair, opens bag of cheezy poofs, smiles_ " This should be fun to watch…" ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/12 "1999-09-08T12:22:00Z")
It’s lies, all lies. Witchcraft in fact was not invented until 1942, it was an insidious trick by the Japanese (teamed up with the Illuminati, World Conspiracy of Jewish Bankers and the Illuminati and the Masons) to undermine Christianity. The organization was called JIJMO (Japo-Illuminati Jewish Masonic Organization). All those reports of witchcraft in the past were all falsified: Salem trials and persecutions, trial by water, all that was made up and inserted into the history books by the JIJMO during WWII, it was all a propoganda effort. Unfortunately, it was done too well, and is now widely believed by thousands. Many people in fact believe themselves to be members of this religion, although no such religion in fact exists. It’s all just conspiracy-fantasy. Broomsticks, too, did not exist until 1942. The Mafia Broomstick Manufacturers was brought into being by the JIJMO to help intensify the illusion. They were so skilled, they made “old” broomsticks, designed to appear as if they had existed for centuries. Illustrations in old texts were subtly changed by the Illuminati (natch, they illumine), again to fortify the illusion. That clear it up for you? ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/13 "1999-09-08T12:29:00Z")
Actually, the reality is the wiccan predates all known religions. There are ancient Sumerian inscriptions, with the priests of Astarte condemning wiccanism as the ancient enemy of Astartism, and mentioning how wiccans fly on broomsticks and boil eye of newt in cauldrons – and these date from about 4000 BC! The wiccans from the period 3500 - 3000 BC practiced back-to-nature cults, with seasonal observances based on the North American seasons – the hieroglyphs speak of the leaves turning beautiful colours in autumn in Maine [possibly Vermont, the translation is unclear.] Broomsticks and cauldrons have, of course, been found in the 20,000 year old remains in caves, along with cave paintings of wiccans dancing naked under the moon. One famous archaeologist has clay tablets (carbon-dated to about 3231 BC, on a Tuesday) that contain the words to Kumbaya, believed to be the song sung by the ancient wiccans at the solstice. Does that clear it up for you? ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/14 "1999-09-08T12:31:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Witches used broomsticks as wand because they were frightened to death of their RELIGION being discovered huh? You’re going to have to be a little clearer if you want to shake off this “masturbating drug addict” title. ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/15 "1999-09-08T12:49:00Z")
**cdtexthaven** …_WHAT???_ ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/16 "1999-09-08T13:01:00Z")
Kellibelli, you really must read more postings by Dex. One boring weekend he provided _all seven_ of the \*true[/r] origins of the phrase “It ain’t over 'til the fat lady sings.” As for Banshee\_: I’m not looking for much accuracy from someone who claims to be a guy while using a woman’s title. * * * Tom~ ---
**Author:** ![AuraSeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AuraSeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuraSeer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/17 "1999-09-08T13:06:00Z")
…and has an email account with the username ‘priestess’. ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/18 "1999-09-08T13:43:00Z")
um…is dex on drugs? is banshee a ‘he’ or a ‘she’? Can I be an elf?..or maybe a cleric? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/19 "1999-09-08T14:24:00Z")
Shouldn’t Banshee be “Banhee,” then? ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188/20 "1999-09-08T14:29:00Z")
(snort) Get real Flora…use it in a sentence…“screaming like a Banhee…” (giggle) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-a-witch-next-time-asshole/2188.md?page=2)