# Ask Bi Guy, (or 'Cheffie takes one more step out of the closet') **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050 "2001-04-23T21:27:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/1 "2001-04-23T21:27:08Z")
Last year, after Esprix started “Ask the Gay Guy” over in Great Debates, I launched a companion thread called [Ask the closeted bisexual guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23013) It was a lot of fun, and really helped me work through my issues about being bi, and being closeted from everyone (including my wife). It had a good long run, but ATCBG is done now, because I’m not closeted from Mrs. Chef anymore. The story is at the end of the old thread. Anyway, I thought the time was auspicious to break away from the old thread and start a new one here in MPSIMS, where the old one should have been in the first place. Feel free to read the old thread - there’s a lot of entertaining stuff in there - but if you have any comments, do me a favor and post them here. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/2 "2001-04-23T21:30:14Z")
So… are you available for dates? VBSEG (very big shit eating grin) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/3 "2001-04-23T21:55:34Z")
Yay Cheffie:-) So should we get a count of who’s bi on this board? Or maybe bump Esprix’s thread? Just FOI, you know. (For Our Information). ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/4 "2001-04-23T22:00:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Freyr \* > \*\*So… are you available for dates? VBSEG (very big shit eating grin) 😃 \*\* Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. But I’m afraid not. In fact, I’m cutting out all the online flirting I used to do. As I said in the old thread earlier today, it’s time for me to be focusing all of my erotic energy on my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/5 "2001-04-23T22:28:51Z")
If it is, you can spank me later. 😉 And anyways, it’s positive. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \* > \*\*In fact, I’m cutting out all the online flirting I used to do. As I said in the old thread earlier today, it’s time for me to be focusing all of my erotic energy on my wife. \*\* Way to go Cheffie. Man, for the longest time I used to think, “Wow, this guy has such a great gift for eroticism and romance, he could have a such an amazing, fulfilling love life with his wife.” But it seemed like you were headed in the opposite direction. Hearing you say that makes me so happy for you and very sure of your future happiness and, hence, success in life. Good for you. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2001, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/6 "2001-04-23T23:50:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \* > \*\*In fact, I’m cutting out all the online flirting I used to do. As I said in the old thread earlier today, it’s time for me to be focusing all of my erotic energy on my wife. \*\* ::: sniff… sob…:: Cheffie’s not gonna flirt anymore? ::: runs off to sob into her pile of teddy bears, just like she did when she was 13, and found out Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran had got married…::: You gotta lucky, lucky wife Cheffie 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/7 "2001-04-24T01:30:20Z")
Yay **Cheffie**! 😃 How does it feel? ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/8 "2001-04-24T02:32:45Z")
I’m so glad Cheffie. Secrets like that can destroy a marriage, no matter how good. Does this mean you’ll talk Mrs. C into joining now? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/9 "2001-04-24T05:05:30Z")
All i can really say is, Congrats! Having recently told my parents, all i can say is, isnt it such a weight off of your shoulders? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/10 "2001-04-24T07:02:37Z")
What Doob said. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/11 "2001-04-24T10:10:14Z")
Congratulations. You’ve inspired me to be more explicit with my partner. I think I should first get to the point where he’s likely to be comfortable with the idea of talking about it. He’s not yet totally comfortable with talking about sex, but we’re getting there. I’d like to thank the people who posted to the original ATCBG thread, especially **Hamadryad** and **Kricket**. Your comments were very helpful. ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/12 "2001-04-24T13:33:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Yay Cheffie:-) > > So should we get a count of who’s bi on this board? Or maybe bump Esprix’s thread? > > Just FOI, you know. (For Our Information). \*\* I’m a bi-girl! 🙂 Here’s a question for you, Chef… I don’t know if you have kids, but if you do (or want to), what is the appropriate age (is there?) to tell them about your orientation? Especially if they are questioning theirs… ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/13 "2001-04-24T13:39:09Z")
Right here! Add me to the rainbow parade!! Also closeted to most people I know. MarxBoy ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/14 "2001-04-24T14:33:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Yay Cheffie:-) > > So should we get a count of who’s bi on this board? Or maybe bump Esprix’s thread? > > Just FOI, you know. (For Our Information). \*\* Actually, Esprix has launched a [fourth installment.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68530) Sheesh - that guy has to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JavaMaven1 \* > \*\*::: sniff… sob…:: > > Cheffie’s not gonna flirt anymore? > > ::: runs off to sob into her pile of teddy bears, just like she did when she was 13, and found out Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran had got married…:::\*\* Okay, let me clarify. Light-hearted flirting that is clearly meant in fun is just FINE. I meant the kind of intense, he-sounds-serious flirting I used to do - like those mash notes I used to write. No more of those. But don’t worry, **JavaMaven1,** I’ll still be patting you on the behind. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\*Yay _Cheffie_! 😃 > > How does it feel? \*\* It feels liberating. Of course, Mrs. Chef still isn’t used to the idea. I’ve had to watch a tendency for TMI now that I don’t have to stifle myself. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > \*\*I’m so glad Cheffie. Secrets like that can destroy a marriage, no matter how good. > > Does this mean you’ll talk Mrs. C into joining now? 😃 \*\* Hmmmm. I don’t know, Z - what if I want to complain about her? _grin_ Seriously, I don’t think she would… she remains leery of computers. But it’s nice to know that if she DID log on I wouldn’t have to panic and head for the fuse box. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Doobieous (and Hastur)_ > \*\*All i can really say is, Congrats! Having recently told my parents, all i can say is, isnt it such a weight off of your shoulders? \*\* It sure is. WHEW! **Finally** I can admit that when I growl appreciatively at the opening credits of _Will & Grace,_ I’m looking at Will. **Tansu** and **NotWithoutRage** aren’t just patting me on the back and deserve replies of their own… I’ll get around to it right away. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/15 "2001-04-24T14:42:38Z")
I’m importing this from the old thread ( **Grace** isn’t following instructions)… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Grace \* > **That’s great Troy! And, the extra bonus is that none of the DFW dopers have to worry anymore about spillin’ the beans.** Yeah, it was always both ironic and awkward for me that you guys knew and she didn’t. When I launched [Ask the closeted bisexual guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=23013), it never occurred to me that I would become friends IRL with a bunch of people from the SDMB. Which is just as well… if that HAD occurred to me, I’m sure I would never have dared to launch the thread in the first place, and I like to think that I helped some people by launching it (myself most of all). ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/16 "2001-04-24T15:24:59Z")
Hoorah, **Chef**! 😃 _moi does a dance o’ joy_ After reading the original thread, I kept anticipating seeing it back on the front page with such good news. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/17 "2001-04-24T18:09:55Z")
\*\*Cheffie wrote: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. But I’m afraid not. In fact, I’m cutting out all the online flirting I used to do. As I said in the old thread earlier today, it’s time for me to be focusing all of my erotic energy on my wife.\*\* **Cheffie** , congrats on coming and and having your wife take it so well. I know it must be a great weight off your shoulders. It’s great that you have a person in your life that you confide in so deeply! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/18 "2001-04-24T19:16:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Freyr \* > \*\*Cheffie, congrats on coming and and having your wife take it so well. I know it must be a great weight off your shoulders. It’s great that you have a person in your life that you confide in so deeply! 🙂 \*\* Heh heh, I assume you meant “congrats on coming _ **out** _…” :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/19 "2001-04-24T20:30:32Z")
Wow! Forget one word, three lousy letters and it changed the meaning of the whole paragraph! Ah, the power of words! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050/20 "2001-04-25T15:58:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tansu \* > \*\*Congratulations. > > You’ve inspired me to be more explicit with my partner. I think I should first get to the point where he’s likely to be comfortable with the idea of talking about it. He’s not yet totally comfortable with talking about sex, but we’re getting there. > > I’d like to thank the people who posted to the original ATCBG thread, especially Hamadryad and Kricket. Your comments were very helpful. \*\* Good luck with everything. I know it’s often easier for a woman to make these kind of revelations but that doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous at the prospect. We’re behind you, whatever you decide. The wonderful women you mention above were also amazingly helpful to me as I struggled with my decision to come out. I consider them both good friends - especially Hamadryad, who seems to have the same make and model of brain that I have - and I’m sort of sorry I won’t be flirting much anymore, because they’re both sexy. Anyway, Tansu, I’m pleased you got some benefit out of my original thread, and I hope someone else will benefit the same way from this one, and from the wonderful people who have been following my ramblings. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bi-guy-or-cheffie-takes-one-more-step-out-of-the-closet/63050.md?page=2)