Ask Bi Guy, (or 'Cheffie takes one more step out of the closet')

Man, I am so happy for you! How great that your wife is taking it so well.

I’m glad that you were the one who told her, not someone else, either accidentily or on purpose. That was obviously a better way to break the news to her.

I salute your courage, Cheffy. I know that was hard for you to do.

I wish both of you the best of luck!

Does this mean I have to stop saving my pennies?

Seriously, I would like to talk to you about a few things. I might be able to shed some light on the range of emotions that Mrs. Chef might be going thru.

If you would like, I can field the question about telling children.

Check your email. And yes, I’d love for you to share your views on the subject of telling the kids (I’m going to post my take on it as well).

I do have a son in grade school. I’ve spent the last couple of days thinking about your question off and on, and my first reaction is that there’s no need for him to know, any more than he needs to know what Mrs. Chef and I do in the bedroom (and sometimes the living room - wheee!).

If I were an open, active bisexual, it might be a little different - I’d have to consider the possibility that he might find out from someone else. Grownups gossip, after all, and it would only take one kid to overhear his parents talking about me to then turn around and taunt Chef Jr. at recess, followed by the rumor flying all over the school. I’m sure any parent would want to take steps to prevent that.

For someone like me who isn’t going to be acting on any attraction to someone other than my wife, though, I don’t think it’s relevant. Unless, as you pointed out, he were struggling with his own sexual identity. If I saw Chef Jr. as a teenager trying to deny his orientation to himself, I might feel compelled to step in - I don’t want him growing up with the same kind of warped, unhealthy attitudes about himself that I grew up with. I might try to talk to him about that without revealing my own orientation, though. I feel my wife had a right to know - I’m not sure anyone else does. (I certainly don’t plan to be telling my family.)

Okay, as for telling my children, I will wait until they confront me with it. Then I will be open and honest.
And then pretty much what Chef said.

BTW, e-mail is down right now, I will check it again tomorrow.

It’s no big deal. I just gave you my work email address so you could reach me there if you wanted to.


As I said in the ‘DFW’ post, WHAT AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO?

But I will be there - just to find out, he he.


Okay, let me clarify my last post, or something like that. I have no real idea what exactly a troll is yet (I know I know do a search, I’m doing that next I was up way too late last night) but I hope I am not becoming one. I posted the above last night, read some more, and then realized maybe my post was a bit facetious. D’oh!

Chef Troy, I have not met an uncloseted bi or gay guy before. I have mainly been in a - racist, bigoted, unaccepting of differences - world most of my life. Not that I consider myself to be these things, Really, but it’s just that, I guess, my world is small and I don’t get out much. I am looking forward to meeting you and the rest of the dopers. Lessee, what am I trying to say?

I asked my bro, who is the one who introduced me to SDMB, if he had ever met any fellow dopers. No, he said, he’s a chicken, he guesses. Said he doesn’t trust anyone met on the net. I don’t know if he was alarmed or just surprised I wanted to meet people. Me, I figure, what can go wrong in a restaurant? None of you will dope up my drink will you? Please don’t:D.

Anyhoo, I am looking forward to meeting y’all. I do not know how to react to y’all:). I do not consider myself - racist, bigoted, unaccepting of differences - I am . . . unexposed? Your thread title was ‘Ask the Bi-guy’, I have now read your other post ATCBG to learn a bit about you, I have been a bit enlightened. I hope I am not being a troll. I’m just gonna show up and meet some new people, maybe make new friends, if I act jitterish it will be because I am, but I am looking to break out (no no I am not bi or lesbian) of my ‘little world’.

C ya!


p.s. I’m not being a troll am I? Have I contributed anything useful to this thread yet?

I think you’ll be slightly disappointed to find that an uncloseted bi man (at least as personified by me) looks just like anyone else. I don’t lisp or wear pastel sweaters or anything, and I don’t own a teacup poodle.

As for whether you’re a troll, I guess only you can know that off the bat. The rest of us will wait and see what sort of posts you make. FTR, a troll is someone who posts outrageous or offensive remarks for no other reason than to annoy and stir up controversy. I would not judge your remarks above to be trollish.

As for doping your drink, well, I’ve never KNOWN any of this crowd to do something like that but it’s a good idea in general to stick to beer in the bottle. That way you know the only person who could have doped it is the waitress.

(That was a joke.)

That’s 'cause we knew we didn’t have to, Cheffie! :wink:

Speak for yourself, Zy. I just never thought of it.

Dob, you may not be safe yet.


Jim, are you saying that if you HAD thought of it, I might have woken up all sore with a blank spot in my memory*?


Chef, that wasn’t exactly what I meant. Actually, that wasn’t even close to what I meant.

But, keep on hoping.:wink:


Congratulations! Quite inspiring. I’m searching myself now to see if I have anything I can ‘come out’ about to my wife…

Congrats Chef!

I have a question I hope no one has asked before: Do you feel your preferred sex changes from day to day or is it always present as a 50/50 thing?

And about telling your kids, I think they should know as early as they know about sex. My mother is gay and she told me when I was around 11, maybe ten or twelve, it’s all the same to me.

I was glad to know because I’ve grown up feeling that being different is a completely normal part of life, whether it’s being black, fat, asian or gay. It’s all just part of life’s wonderful mix.

So I think you would do well to inform your kids about the birds and the birds at the same time as the birds and the bees :wink:
— G. Raven

How about all the time you used to spend in gay bars, you know, “because they were conveniently located”?


There’s two ways to approach this question: in terms of inherent attraction, and in terms of actions. In terms of attraction, my attraction to men and my attraction to women are both there all the time (although it’s not 50-50… my sexuality isn’t perfectly balanced, I’d say it’s about 70-30 in favor of women).

In terms of actions, well, in the original ATCBG thread, several people talked about being in “boy mode” or “girl mode” for extended periods of time. I have, of course, been in “girl mode” ever since I got married ten years ago. Back when I was unattached, however, I dated both men and women at the same time, with no real order to it.

Sure…just when I was next in line for a mash note. I’m never gonna let you live that down, Chef. Never.


Hmm…(that’s the second post today i’ve started with that…)I’m not fully sure of myself but when i’m conclusive i’ll tell you all and come out of the closet(if there is one to come out of) at the same time seeing as a lot of my friends post on the boards. :slight_smile:

Hmm. Well, Maggie, fair is fair… and I did promise you one. Okay, I’ll fulfil the requests that I have already.

Say, when are we going to start playing online Scrabble?