# Ask Bob (the Chick tract guy) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825 "2003-02-09T04:09:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/221 "2003-02-12T02:14:57Z")
It’s good to watch the SINNERS burn! That will show them to reject the infinite mercy and unconditional love of Jesus Christ who died for their sins! ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/222 "2003-02-12T02:25:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*It’s good to watch the SINNERS burn! That will show them to reject the infinite mercy and unconditional love of Jesus Christ who died for their sins! \*\* Booting a person into a firey pit with no way to get out is not merciful. that is like the nazis. it won’t do any good since the sinners have no way to stop it. If anything that would make people hate god. ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/223 "2003-02-12T02:28:31Z")
i mean Booting a person into a firey pit with no way to get out because their beliefs are different is like the nazis. Otherwise, it’s just evil. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/224 "2003-02-12T02:40:16Z")
Dear Bob, Are triple-posts a sin? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/225 "2003-02-12T03:11:09Z")
> [@](#): > > _bong_ > i mean Booting a person into a firey pit with no way to get out because their beliefs are different is like the nazis. Otherwise, it’s just evil. They had their chance at mercy and they refused it! Infinite love has its limits! Jesus will not be mocked! > [@](#): > > _jr8_ > Dear Bob, > > Are triple-posts a sin? Of course they are a sin! They mock the number three! There is only one who is three, and that is JESUS CHRIST who died for your sins…and God and and the bird ghost! Bong has no son! Bong did not die for your sins! How DARE he claim to be God! ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/226 "2003-02-12T04:22:04Z")
> [@](#): > > - Orginally posted by Bob\*Bono has been a big influence on the Lord, but Bono has no son. Actually according to [this](http://www.atu2.com/band/bono/), Bono has a son. Questions for Bob 1. Are you married? 2. Divorced? 3. Does Jesus love pork rinds? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/227 "2003-02-12T04:29:33Z")
> [@](#): > > _brujo_ > Questions for Bob > > 1. Are you married? > 2. Divorced? > 3. Does Jesus love pork rinds? 1. Jack Chick has drawn me a beard…I mean a wife…at least I THINK she’s a wife. There’s also a tract where I seem to have a son. I don’t really know them too well. They ususally only show up in one or two panels to prove I’m not a sodomite. 2. NEVER! Divorce smells of devils and death! 3. Jesus keeps kosher. ---
**Author:** ![Jeeves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@Jeeves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeeves)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/228 "2003-02-12T05:44:27Z")
Why does Jesus keep kosher? I thought the new covenant he brought meant that the kosher laws weren’t applicable? But you will have to wait to answer after my sexy strong bodied fireman boyfriend and I are done making hot man-love. Oh wait, I know that you don’t want to hear how our glistening strong bodies come togethor in orgasmic union. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/229 "2003-02-12T06:14:25Z")
> [@](#): > > _Jeeves_ > Why does Jesus keep kosher? I thought the new covenant he brought meant that the kosher laws weren’t applicable? > > But you will have to wait to answer after my sexy strong bodied fireman boyfriend and I are done making hot man-love. Oh wait, I know that you don’t want to hear how our glistening strong bodies come togethor in orgasmic union. You torment me with your pornography! But I am not swayed! I must come to one of your parties and preach the word of God! Are there any good sodomoite bars where you live? Are there other hot…I mean perverted firemen there? I only ask so i can save them, of course! Oh, and Jesus doesn’t HAVE to keep Kosher, he just likes the food! ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/230 "2003-02-12T14:19:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*[Diogenes voice] **Kingpengvin** , > Sorry I took so long to respond, I missed your post a couple of pages back. I admit that I stole the idea for this thread from you. I asked you in theat thread if I could use the idea, but you didn’t respond on the thread for a couple of days, and you didn’t have an e-mail address posted on the board, so I just went ahead. I hope you’re not too pissed.[/Diogenes voice] \*\* Not at all… I missed the post and you have done such a bang up job so how can I complain? Keep saving those souls and burning them heathens! Your Friend in BOB Kingpengvin ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/231 "2003-02-12T14:23:34Z")
1. Ralph Nader! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/232 "2003-02-12T17:12:22Z")
Dear Bob 1. Where is Jesus finding kosher Thai? 2. Is there anybody interesting worth knowing in Chick Heaven? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/233 "2003-02-12T17:44:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Dear Bob > > 1. Where is Jesus finding kosher Thai? > 2. Is there anybody interesting worth knowing in Chick Heaven? He finds [recipes](http://www.kashrus.org/recipes/thai.html) on the internet! 2. Most of the Angels are big LOTR geeks…do you find that intersting? I hope so because that’s all they talk about. They are going to ask God to smite the academy for robbing Gollum of a best supporting actor nomination. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/234 "2003-02-12T18:14:33Z")
Dear Bob, How come in Your associate’s Tract [Dark Dungeons](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp) there are female Roll players and no one seems to be guzzling Mt Dew or eating tons o Fritos?? Also Why are non Christians so Fugly in the Tracts? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/235 "2003-02-12T18:46:38Z")
> [@](#): > > _kingpengvin_ > Dear Bob, > > How come in Your associate’s Tract Dark Dungeons there are female Roll players and no one seems to be guzzling Mt Dew or eating tons o Fritos?? > > Also Why are non Christians so Fugly in the Tracts? We did extensive research with may D&D geeks who assured us that their games were always populated with many females and their DM’s were often sexy, adult witches! They did not speak of Fritos or Mt. Dew, they kept digressing into these long winded descriptions of their characters! Very Boring! Non-Christians are ugly because they have rejected God’s love! Notice hoe they get better looking after they are saved! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/236 "2003-02-12T19:57:16Z")
Dear Bob, Let me see if I got this right. All I have to do is check the box at the end of the tract and I’m all signed up to go to heaven. Right? If I check the box, then go right on having hot, hairy, homo, man-on-man, muscles-glistening-with-sweat, pulsating, throbbing, moaning, groaning, heaving, passionate sex with the bf, do I still get to go to heaven? I checked the box. Do you get to decorate your heavenly mansion any way you want or do they come in some kind of gold and pearl standard issue? Does Jesus prefer boxers or briefs? Should I make sure I wear the same kind he does? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/237 "2003-02-12T20:26:25Z")
> [@](#): > > _swampbear_ > Dear Bob, > > Let me see if I got this right. All I have to do is check the box at the end of the tract and I’m all signed up to go to heaven. Right? > > If I check the box, then go right on having hot, hairy, homo, man-on-man, muscles-glistening-with-sweat, pulsating, throbbing, moaning, groaning, heaving, passionate sex with the bf, do I still get to go to heaven? I checked the box. > > Do you get to decorate your heavenly mansion any way you want or do they come in some kind of gold and pearl standard issue? > > Does Jesus prefer boxers or briefs? Should I make sure I wear the same kind he does? Once you have checked the box and accepted the love of Jesus Christ, you are SAVED! Your actions mean nothing to God, only your slavish obesience! You may engage in your repulsive and abominable acts with your hot, sweaty, well muscled boyfriend as much as you want (but be sure to check that box again right before you die-- just to be safe! The sodomites have redone all houses! They said all the gold and pearls were too gaudy! They have reimagined Heaven in much mre tasteful and comfortable terms! There is a lot of woodgrain and fireplaces and much more space! The only gold mansion left belongs to Liberace. Jesus is a freeballer! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/238 "2003-02-12T21:05:53Z")
Thanks for the advice Bob. I’ll keep a stack of Chick tracts by the bed (and also the sofa and the dining room table–sometimes bf can’t wait to get to the bedroom) and check a box off after each and every time the bf and I have torrid, turgid, groaning, grunting, hairy, bodies-sticking-to-each-other-in-sodomite-ecstasy, hot, homo sex. Wanna watch sometime? You know, just for research purposes. Heaven sounds nice with the new decor. Would it be possible to get heavy duty re-inforced wood beams with sturdy steel hooks in the mansion basement? Jesus goes commando? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/239 "2003-02-12T21:30:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _swampbear_ > Thanks for the advice Bob. I’ll keep a stack of Chick tracts by the bed (and also the sofa and the dining room table–sometimes bf can’t wait to get to the bedroom) and check a box off after each and every time the bf and I have torrid, turgid, groaning, grunting, hairy, bodies-sticking-to-each-other-in-sodomite-ecstasy, hot, homo sex. Wanna watch sometime? You know, just for research purposes. > > Heaven sounds nice with the new decor. Would it be possible to get heavy duty re-inforced wood beams with sturdy steel hooks in the mansion basement? Thank you for the invitation, swampbear, may I bring my video camera? Strictly for research purposes of course! I must learn the ways of the sodomites in order to save them from the error of their steamy, body-to-body, dirty-talking, butt-slapping man sex! Many of these beams which you speak of have been installed in mansion basements along with fabulous stereo systems! I assume the hooks will be equipped with heavy bags so that men may work out their frustrations in the basements! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/240 "2003-02-12T21:38:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Diogenes the Cynic…err…I mean Bob:_ > I must learn the ways of the sodomites in order to save them from the error of their steamy, body-to-body, dirty-talking, butt-slapping man sex! **BOB!** have you been spying on the bf and me during sex? Of course you may bring the video camera. Instead of heavy bags, can I hang various leather apparati in the mansion basement from which men can work out their frustrations? All in good taste, of course. Does heaven have any really good draft beer? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=13)