# Ask Bob (the Chick tract guy) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825 "2003-02-09T04:09:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/301 "2003-02-14T16:20:19Z")
Wicca is a cleverly packaged way of selling Devil worship to children. It starts with nude dancing under the moon and turns to blood sacrifices, sleeping in coffins and vampirism! [Satan’s hoofprints are all over Wicca!](http://www.chick.com/bc/1999/wicca.asp) ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/302 "2003-02-14T18:05:02Z")
I TOLD YOU ONE OF THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS IN WICCA IS YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT UNLESS IT HURTS SOMBODY. BLOOD SACRIFICES HURT! SO DOES SUCKING BLOOD! ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/303 "2003-02-14T18:12:05Z")
Bob– I’m still worried about the sin thing. Once I check the box, am I free from moral responsibility for my actions? I know it worked for Ted Bundy, but I think I may be a better person than he. Nog ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/304 "2003-02-14T18:20:22Z")
Yes. In chickland, where god has no morals. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/305 "2003-02-14T18:53:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\* > There is no space! That is a fiction invented by scientists who are only guessing and trying to mislead you!. You may think your spice weed is far out man, but it is really just far away from God! > > What’s Bjork really like? \*\* I don’t know…the way you describe Jesus he seems a lot different from the impression I got from the New Testament… Bjork is Space Ghost’s wife. I think. I was drunk that episode of _Space Ghost Coast to Coast_, and Zorak may have subliminally suggested it. Besides, I’m from space, and I’m invisible, like a Ghost. Is that so wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/306 "2003-02-14T19:06:03Z")
You know, Bob, I’m really starting to worry about **bong**. Is there something that we can do for him? If I check the box in **bong** ’s name, will he get to go to Heaven? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/307 "2003-02-14T19:35:45Z")
> [@](#): > > _bong_ > I TOLD YOU ONE OF THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS IN WICCA IS YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT UNLESS IT HURTS SOMBODY. BLOOD SACRIFICES HURT! SO DOES SUCKING BLOOD! So they don’t even follow their own doctrine! They SAY they won’t hurt anybody and then they SACRIFICE BABIES to their Satanic Moon Whore! Ignorance and hypocricy will not get you to Heaven! > [@](#): > > _nogginhead_ > Bob– > > I’m still worried about the sin thing. Once I check the box, am I free from moral responsibility for my actions? > > I know it worked for Ted Bundy, but I think I may be a better person than he. > > Nog God cares not a fig for your “morality!” God cares only that you check the Holy box! God would also appreciate it if you passed out some tracts, and maybe harangued a few burn vicims, but that’s really optional! > [@](#): > > _SpaceGhostofArrakis_ > I don’t know…the way you describe Jesus he seems a lot different from the impression I got from the New Testament… > > Bjork is Space Ghost’s wife. I think. I was drunk that episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast, and Zorak may have subliminally suggested it. > > Besides, I’m from space, and I’m invisible, like a Ghost. Is that so wrong? You Mock the Lord by pretending to be the Holy Ghost! You try to decieve the innocent!Did you die for your sins? Do you have a son? [quote_Tuckerfan_ You know, Bob, I’m really starting to worry about bong. Is there something that we can do for him? If I check the box in bong’s name, will he get to go to Heaven?[/quote] Sorry, \*_Tuckerfan_, each man must check his own box! We can’t have people saving souls willy-nilly! There would be no one to burn in the fire! ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/308 "2003-02-14T19:39:48Z")
**bong** , please don’t post that Wiccans do not, in fact, sacrifice babies. Please, I beg of you. ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/309 "2003-02-14T21:54:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > > We are planning a new tract aimed at “urban” teens which will be all about “hippety-hop” music and it’s demonic influence on youth. We plan to use the words “fly,” “dope,” and “funky,” as soon as we find out what they mean! I asked Miss Grier to play a role in the tract as a youth counsellor who summons me to deal with an insolent African-American teen who has fallen under the spell of “tap” music. Ms. Grier declined our invitation and she called me “Opie.” Is that Good? \*\* Good? That’s **GREAT!!** As you’ll recall, Opie was the son of a white, old-school southern sheriff. To coloured folks, a white old-school southern sheriff was like God, since, like God, the sheriff promised them fiery torture if they stepped out of line. Therefore, being like Opie is like being the Son of God! **Pam Grier compared you to Jesus!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/310 "2003-02-14T22:14:16Z")
> [@](#): > > _Rube E. Tewesday_ > > Good? That’s GREAT!! As you’ll recall, Opie was the son of a white, old-school southern sheriff. To coloured folks, a white old-school southern sheriff was like God, since, like God, the sheriff promised them fiery torture if they stepped out of line. > Therefore, being like Opie is like being the Son of God! > Pam Grier compared you to Jesus!!! I knew it must have been a compliment! I am very flattered and humbled. I am glad that some coloreds still show the proper awe and gratitude for our righteous, Christian sheriffs! ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/311 "2003-02-14T22:59:49Z")
Diogenes, I had to register to tell you that the “Piccachu is Satan’s demon” line damn near killed me. If I hadn’t been at work, I truly would have laughed out loud. I couldn’t keep a straight face telling my sister about it later. You are a genius! Winter ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/312 "2003-02-14T23:00:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*!each man must check his own box! We can’t have people saving souls willy-nilly! There would be no one to burn in the fire! \*\* You WANT people to be tortured for an eternity by a Cosmic Nazi? What kind of a vicious sadist are you, bob? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/313 "2003-02-14T23:28:45Z")
Well **I’m** convinced: \*\* * * * | X | | --- | \*\* What I’m not convinced of, however, is that **bong** has a real understanding of _how true what you’re saying is_, Bob… ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/314 "2003-02-14T23:53:56Z")
What is it that you are convinced of? What is true? Any of his arguments can be usede for other things. If the guy who started the muslim religion is a power-hungry egomaniac, the guy who wrote the bible could have the same motive. Even though there is no proof of gluons, there is no proof of the existence of God besides a book that was wrote some millenia ago, by a person who may have just been a powerhungry egomaniac. Does it even matter that something had no son? If god is omnipotent, he could save people in a way other than butchering his son. If jesus is god, why did he ask god why had he forsaken Him? ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/315 "2003-02-15T00:03:09Z")
Yes, congratulations **bong** , you’ve scored a stunning theological victory against the parody voice of a character drawn by a deranged parody of a member of a religion. Go you! I understand that **Libertarian** is waiting in fear in Great Debates for you to show up and kick his ass next. I pray to the God I don’t believe in that I’m being whooshed. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/316 "2003-02-15T00:09:00Z")
Dear Bob, I appear to be having a problem with my temper lately. Since Jesus counsels turning the other cheek and God seems to favour the whole “plague of locusts, pillar of salt, kill all the firstborn” way of dealing with that kind of thing, I’m curious as to which you would recommend. I understand that I only have to check the box to be saved, but when I’m faced with a situation where I really feel that punching someone repeatedly would be at least as satisfying as ignoring them, which would Jesus want to see me do? ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/317 "2003-02-15T00:11:28Z")
In chickland, He would like you to punch them repeatedly. Since jesus is god, and ChickGod is the Cosmic Nazi (Ba-Dum!) He would like it if you cut of their genitals and gave them anthrax. ---
**Author:** ![jack\_ss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c77e96/32.png) [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/318 "2003-02-15T00:11:56Z")
Dear Bob, Thanks for telling me that my dog will go to heaven! I better find a tract & check the box so I can join him, but I’ll sure miss my rockabilly. Do you think **bong** is posessed? when people in the tracts put up the same kind of resistance to your ministrations, you usually cast a demon out of them and then they repent and beg for forgiveness. Maybe **bong** holds demons like a real bong holds marijuana smoke! Potheads use flame on a real bong, maybe that’s inidcative of the tortures awaiting our friend **bong**! Won’t it be difficult to smoke pot in hell? I would guess that it would go up in smoke before you had a chance to raise it to your lips! Is it true that the name “Harry Potter” is based on “hairy pothead”, revealing that the author is a strung-out hippie? That’s what my mom says, but she’s going to hell anyway because she’s a Mormon. I better check the box so I don’t have to spend eternity in a lake of fire with her. I love my mom & everything, but she drives me crazy with her preaching and emails for tech support. ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/319 "2003-02-15T00:13:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2trew \* > \*\*Yes, congratulations **bong** , you’ve scored a stunning theological victory against the parody voice of a character drawn by a deranged parody of a member of a religion. Go you! I understand that **Libertarian** is waiting in fear in Great Debates for you to show up and kick his ass next. > > I pray to the God I don’t believe in that I’m being whooshed. \*\* Wait, you ARE being sarcastic, right? ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/320 "2003-02-15T00:17:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jack@ss \* > \*\* > > Do you think **bong** is posessed? when people in the tracts put up the same kind of resistance to your ministrations, you usually cast a demon out of them and then they repent and beg for forgiveness. Maybe **bong** holds demons like a real bong holds marijuana smoke! Potheads use flame on a real bong, maybe that’s inidcative of the tortures awaiting our friend **bong**!\*\* No, I am a Christian. I just think that the Jack Chick/Bob entity is an intolerant jerk who cares nothing for human life, kills people of different religions for no reason, and hates anything that might give little timmy the buttcancer boy in a plastic tank who goes “Please sir, may I have some more?” a lot any shred of joy. And I want to see how he responds.😃 :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=17)