# Ask Bob (the Chick tract guy) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825 "2003-02-09T04:09:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/21 "2003-02-09T06:06:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\* > Heh heh heh, Hell is COOL! \*\* **Cite?** ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/22 "2003-02-09T06:11:55Z")
[http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html](http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html) Bob is wrong! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/23 "2003-02-09T06:11:56Z")
[quote] _GIGObuster_ So, Satan has told you that I have a twin. I have nothing to do with my brother. He is a Sodomite and he will burn in Hell! As to Divine…well…there was an honest misunderstanding…the Devil has given her the power of seduction! She looked so bewitching…so sexy…how was I to know? How was any man to know? My brother will burn in hell for setting his studio security minions upon me… ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/24 "2003-02-09T06:19:14Z")
Dear Bob, I noticed that you really seem to hate all sorts of people like Catholics, Mormons, Wiccans, Buddhists, Jews, gay people and many more that I can’t even remember. Unfortunately, I have this stumbling block in my relationship with God – I have a nasty tendency to like these evil sinners. How can I get rid of this – I don’t want to go to HELL! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/25 "2003-02-09T06:26:02Z")
> [@](#): > > _lel_ > Dear Bob, > > I noticed that you really seem to hate all sorts of people like Catholics, Mormons, Wiccans, Buddhists, Jews, gay people and many more that I can’t even remember. Unfortunately, I have this stumbling block in my relationship with God – I have a nasty tendency to like these evil sinners. How can I get rid of this – I don’t want to go to HELL! It’s a simple choice, **lel** , you can choose to be friends with sinners, or you can choose Jesus Christ! How much fun will it be to hang out with your friends when they are burning in the lake of fire! There’s no middle ground. It’s God’s way or the highway! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/26 "2003-02-09T06:30:49Z")
Bob, why is it okay to litter by throwing tracts everywhere? I mean, isn’t that just creating more work for God’s poor? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/27 "2003-02-09T06:34:31Z")
> [@](#): > > _Guinastasia_ > Bob, why is it okay to litter by throwing tracts everywhere? I mean, isn’t that just creating more work for God’s poor? We are not littering we are saving souls. Those who sweep up the tracts will have NO EXCUSE on judgement day, because they will have been warned! Those little maggots better eat God’s love OR ELSE! ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/28 "2003-02-09T06:42:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*It’s a simple choice, **lel** , you can choose to be friends with sinners, or you can choose Jesus Christ! How much fun will it be to hang out with your friends when they are burning in the lake of fire! There’s no middle ground. It’s God’s way or the highway! \*\* Bob, you are absolutely correct! Goodbye, you evil heathens, don’t expect to see me around here again associating with sinners! Thank you, Bob, for pointing me towards the TRUE light, Jesus Christ! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/29 "2003-02-09T06:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > _lel_ > Bob, you are absolutely correct! Goodbye, you evil heathens, don’t expect to see me around here again associating with sinners! > > Thank you, Bob, for pointing me towards the TRUE light, Jesus Christ! You’re welcome, and don’t forget to check that little “yes” box at the bottom of the page. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/30 "2003-02-09T06:56:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*You’re welcome, and don’t forget to check that little “yes” box at the bottom of the page. \*\* I sure won’t, Bob, because Jesus Christ is the center of my life now, and I will say yes to him forever! (John 3:20-21) Thank you, Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/31 "2003-02-09T07:27:33Z")
Dear Bob: I saw this commercial today, for a church. It had a bunch of cute little kids asking cute little kid questions about God, such as “Does God like peas?” and “does God have a dog?” and other cute stuff like that. The best one, though, was these two kids sitting outside the principal’s office at school, and they asked “can God do this?” and then they started doing armpit farts. It’s funny. So, that’s really my question. Can God do armpit farts? Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/32 "2003-02-09T07:32:43Z")
Bob, Why does Jesus seem so mean all the time? And why does he talk like he’s in a fantasy novel with all that “depart ye into the cursed fire” stuff? Was the Bible written by the guy who wrote _Canterbury Tales_, and if so are there raunchy sections of the Bible featuring farmer’s wives and red-hot pokers? BTW, I pick up all the tracts I find since I collect them, so I’m going to Heaven right? Sincerely, RexDart ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/33 "2003-02-09T09:00:01Z")
Dear Bob, [Any](http://www.subgenius.com/) [relation?](http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet_p7.html) My theory is that you two are the same person, but you wear a fake moustache to fool everyone, a la Clark Kent’s glasses. Yours in Christ, Already ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/34 "2003-02-09T09:01:21Z")
What does God think of Michael Jackson? ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/35 "2003-02-09T12:19:00Z")
Dear Bob, You said, > [@](#): > > Those little maggots better eat God’s love OR ELSE! Would it be all right if I put mustard on it first? A humble little maggot who wishes to be blessed by the Light ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/36 "2003-02-09T12:20:45Z")
P.S. If mustard is out, how about whipped cream? ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/37 "2003-02-09T12:36:35Z")
Dear Bob, I have been a catholic all my life. Because of _ **your** _ testimony, I see the error of my ways and have turned from that evil church. But my question now is…well, I partook of the _ **DEATH COOKIE** _ from the time I was six until just recently. Will I ever be truly forgiven for this, or should I just go back now because there’s no hope for me? Am I doomed to be in the lake of fire? Also, I like to go out and hang out with Wiccans on Halloween. This isn’t a problem, is it? Sincerely, Recovering Catholic ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/38 "2003-02-09T12:47:35Z")
Dear Bob, I had my question all set, but now I must hear the answer to **Persephone** ’s first. In 5.1 surround, please. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/39 "2003-02-09T14:49:04Z")
> [@](#): > > _Persephone_ > Dear Bob: > > I saw this commercial today, for a church. It had a bunch of cute little kids asking cute little kid questions about God, such as “Does God like peas?” and “does God have a dog?” and other cute stuff like that. The best one, though, was these two kids sitting outside the principal’s office at school, and they asked “can God do this?” and then they started doing armpit farts. It’s funny. > > So, that’s really my question. Can God do armpit farts? > > Thanks! You better believe it! God can do the greatest arm pit farts in the universe-- and you don’t even want to know about God’s REAL farts! BTW, **Persephone** , did you know that you are named after the wife of Hades. The Pagan God of the underworld? You know Hades’ REAL name don’t you? I’ts SATAN! You are named for Satan’s whore! REPENT, change your name! Now that you know the truth, you have no excuse! ---
**Author:** ![gus28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6de8d8/32.png) [@gus28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gus28)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/40 "2003-02-09T14:54:03Z")
If heaven is full of people that are so ignorant as to believe the utter bullshit that is “chick tracts” then why would I want to go there? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=3)