# Ask Bob (the Chick tract guy) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825 "2003-02-09T04:09:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/101 "2003-02-10T00:19:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > **I can only save those who WANT to be saved. If I put a tract on their windshield, and they choose to toss it into a dumpster, then that’s too bad for them . They were warned! They will have no excuse when they stand before Christ’s throne! > Different Bob, but I can get you Tyra Banks if you want. It will cost you…your SOUL! > The laws of Moses were wiped away when JESUS CHRIST, the SON OF GOD, gave his life on the cross so that you may have life! You may now disregard the “Jew” Testament (except for the part about queers) as having any authority!** However, God can save anybody. Do you realize just how evil it would be to steal one’s soul? You have no use for a soul. You cannot eat a soul. You already have a soul. The soul is useless besides being you. So you say I can freely murder, steal, lie, despise God, Hate my mother and father, rape, commit adultery, and practice witchcraft, and God won’t mind, and, in fact send me into heaven? HA! ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/102 "2003-02-10T00:21:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by XWalrus2 \* > \*\ ***bong** , you have been whooshed. Go read a chick tract and you’ll understand what’s going on. \*\* I know. I’m just doing this to see what Bob does. ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/103 "2003-02-10T00:22:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*[Diogenes voice] **Bong** , you _are_ aware that this is a _parody_, are you not? Or are you just whooshing me back?[/Diogenes voice] \*\* Yep. I just want to see how Bob would respond. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/104 "2003-02-10T00:33:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _bong_ > So you say I can freely murder, steal, lie, despise God, Hate my mother and father, rape, commit adultery, and practice witchcraft, and God won’t mind, and, in fact send me into heaven? > > HA! That is correct! God cares nothing for good deeds! All that matters is that you accept Jesus Christ as your saviour before you die! And it has to be the REAL Jesus Christ, not the imposter in Rome! Not the Demon in the Book of Mormon! But the one true AMERICAN Jesus who may only be found in the King James Version of the Holy Bible! ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/105 "2003-02-10T00:42:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*That is correct! God cares nothing for good deeds! All that matters is that you accept Jesus Christ as your saviour before you die! And it has to be the REAL Jesus Christ, not the imposter in Rome! Not the Demon in the Book of Mormon! But the one true AMERICAN Jesus who may only be found in the King James Version of the Holy Bible! \*\* So I can murder you then? And God would Be happy? HA-LELLUJAH! But, in all seriousness, If He’s going to put you in hell for being good, even if you had ONE fact wrong, That doesn’t seem to be a very good system of justice… Althought, what can you expect from a being who _kills his lackeys for not saying HOLY HOLY HOLY at the right time?_ _some rabbinic literature_ Besides, do you want to spend eternity with something that has no morals? After all, from what you say, He doesn’t care about human life, since he merely sends you in if you think he exists. You said it! HA! ---
**Author:** ![tunabreath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tunabreath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tunabreath)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/106 "2003-02-10T00:46:19Z")
bong is evil! EVIL! he will go to hell Say, bong, wanna play cards next century? I got nothing planned. I still say Bob is Bob from Microsoft Bob. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/107 "2003-02-10T00:54:10Z")
> [@](#): > > _bong_ > So I can murder you then? And God would Be happy? HA-LELLUJAH! > > But, in all seriousness, If He’s going to put you in hell for being good, even if you had ONE fact wrong, That doesn’t seem to be a very good system of justice… > > Althought, what can you expect from a being who _kills his lackeys for not saying HOLY HOLY HOLY at the right time?_ > > _some rabbinic literature_ > Besides, do you want to spend eternity with something that has no morals? After all, from what you say, He doesn’t care about human life, since he merely sends you in if you think he exists. > > You said it! > > HA! The only moral that matters is to accept Jesus Christ as your true Lord and Saviour! Bow down! Repent! You have NO EXCUSE!! psst…down here… Ok, God’s gotten kind of a big head. He believes His own hype. He’s been bragging that He’s bigger than the Beatles. He’s also talking about having another son with a foster mother-- wants to call the new kid Prince Jesus II. He’s getting kind of whacky if you ask me. Don’t tell him I said that. ---
**Author:** ![tunabreath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tunabreath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tunabreath)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/108 "2003-02-10T01:07:55Z")
Microsoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft BobMicrosoft Bob ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/109 "2003-02-10T01:08:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*I can only save those who WANT to be saved. > \*\* But…Bob…I thought God did the saving. You’re really in league with Satan, aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![tunabreath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tunabreath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tunabreath)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/110 "2003-02-10T01:11:38Z")
Lsura! Finally someone see’s through it all with me. ---
**Author:** ![jmpride62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@jmpride62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmpride62)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/111 "2003-02-10T01:40:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*There are no homosexuals in Heaven! Jesus hates homosexuality big time!. \*\* What do you mean no homosexuals!! What about the male members of the heavenly choir? Hmmm? You got an organist up there? Gay! And, I’ve seen pictures of heaven - immaculately clean, men with flowing robes, harp music, and fabulous back lighting!! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! And of course, St. Peter goes without saying… ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/112 "2003-02-10T01:43:54Z")
Hello Bob, I’ve been reading what you’ve written here, and I’m really impressed with how fervent you are in getting people to see the true light and dedicate their lives and their souls to Jesus. It’s just, I’ve got two questions for you. First, I’m Episcopalian. Does this mean I’m really Saved? I mean, we do the bit with the Death Cookie every Sunday and we’ve got bishops, but we don’t have anything to do with the Pope, and I don’t want us to! Second, I know we’re supposed to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and I think I do all right there. I mean, he’s answered a few prayers. The thing is, recently he’s started to interfere with my love life! The other day, when I woke up, I prayed that it would be nice if I could, you know, meet a nice, Christian guy, preferably about 6 feet tall, dark hair, and a nice smile. Well, wouldn’t you know it, when I got on the elevator in my apartment building that day, not only was there a guy about 6 feet tall, nice smile and all, but he’s even a Christian. We’re going to Bible Study together tomorrow. The thing is, while a personal relationship with Jesus is good and all, isn’t this going a little too far? Confused.😕 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@The\_Man\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_Who)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/113 "2003-02-10T01:53:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Dear Bob, > What does the T in Jack T. Chick stand for? > \*\* The smart money is on “Tract.” -Myron ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/114 "2003-02-10T02:18:34Z")
> [@](#): > > _Guinastasia_Dear Bob, > What does the T in Jack T. Chick stand for? > > Also, is Jesus really God? Chick says he is, so that means that Mary is his mother, and Mary is the Mother of God, since she’s the mother of Jesus. So why is it wrong to call her the Mother of God? (Sorry, I missed this one) The T stands for “Tyrone.” Jesus HAS no mother! Jesus was not really born because he has always existed from the beginning of time! Mary was just some little tart that God picked up a tavern in Nazereth. She was just an incubator for the lord. She did not die for your sins! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/115 "2003-02-10T02:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _jmpride62_ > What do you mean no homosexuals!! > > What about the male members of the heavenly choir? Hmmm? > > You got an organist up there? Gay! > > And, I’ve seen pictures of heaven - immaculately clean, men with flowing robes, harp music, and fabulous back lighting!! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! > > And of course, St. Peter goes without saying… They’re contract workers from Hell. God needs the sodomites to keep things tidy up here. You should see what happens to that place if the gays are on vacation-- pizza boxes, beer cans on the floor, tacky blacklight Doors posters hung on the walls-- it’s not a pretty sight! > [@](#): > > _cjhoworth_ > Hello Bob, > > I’ve been reading what you’ve written here, and I’m really impressed with how fervent you are in getting people to see the true light and dedicate their lives and their souls to Jesus. It’s just, I’ve got two questions for you. > > First, I’m Episcopalian. Does this mean I’m really Saved? I mean, we do the bit with the Death Cookie every Sunday and we’ve got bishops, but we don’t have anything to do with the Pope, and I don’t want us to! > > Second, I know we’re supposed to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and I think I do all right there. I mean, he’s answered a few prayers. The thing is, recently he’s started to interfere with my love life! The other day, when I woke up, I prayed that it would be nice if I could, you know, meet a nice, Christian guy, preferably about 6 feet tall, dark hair, and a nice smile. Well, wouldn’t you know it, when I got on the elevator in my apartment building that day, not only was there a guy about 6 feet tall, nice smile and all, but he’s even a Christian. We’re going to Bible Study together tomorrow. The thing is, while a personal relationship with Jesus is good and all, isn’t this going a little too far? > > Confused. Jesus thinks he’s a “matchmaker.” He swears he’s got the touch, but I don’t know…He’s the one who fixed up Ben and J-Lo, so what does that tell you? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/116 "2003-02-10T02:33:56Z")
Say, **Musicat** , if you put her up for auction on eBay, would ya let me know? Thanks. (Oh, wait! Better ask Bob, if auctioning her off is okay, or if you should just have a set price or if haggling’s allowed! Don’t want to sell her off and damn yourself in the process!) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/117 "2003-02-10T03:01:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _Tuckerfan_ > Say, Musicat, if you put her up for auction on eBay, would ya let me know? Thanks. (Oh, wait! Better ask Bob, if auctioning her off is okay, or if you should just have a set price or if haggling’s allowed! Don’t want to sell her off and damn yourself in the process!) Jesus doesn’t care about slave autions! Jesus only requires that you accept Him as your Lord and Saviour! Good deeds carry no weight with the King of Kings! Put the Bitch on ebay! I’ll start the bidding at $4.00! ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/118 "2003-02-10T03:54:59Z")
Say, **Bob** , does Jesus have a regional accent, if he’s American? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/119 "2003-02-10T04:09:34Z")
> [@](#): > > _Joe K_ > Say, Bob, does Jesus have a regional accent, if he’s American? Ever see the movie _Fargo_? He talks like that. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825/120 "2003-02-10T05:04:03Z")
Hi Bob. I have a few questions for you. 1. How were you saved. 2. What do you do for a living? 3. How much free time do you have? You always seem to be visiting people and dropping by anytime somebody has the slightest question, don’t you have a family or friends? 4. What is Jesus’s favorite TV show? 5. I can’t recall if you answered this but what is up with that mustache? 6. Do you prefer that people say heaven-o instead of hell-o Brujo By the way, Brujo is Spanish for warlock. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-bob-the-chick-tract-guy/153825.md?page=7)