# Ask Charlie Sheen. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 4, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516 "2011-03-04T20:18:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/21 "2011-03-04T21:50:06Z")
Followup question - all the apocalytic, bliblical tone to your vernacular (fire breathing fists, minds exploding, etc. etc. etc.) leads me to an obvious question. . . Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your life as your personal savior? You don’t have to come out and say it - just snort a line, twitch, blink uncontrollably, and scratch at nonexistent bugs on your arm **once** for no, and **fifteen thousand fucking times** for yes. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/22 "2011-03-04T22:04:16Z")
> [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](#): > > I want to pitch a new show to you. It’s sort of like The Girls Next Door, but it’s better. A reality show about your home life (not the Two and a Half Men home life, because in that, you’re a jingle writer, not a rock star from Mars). > > Call it: The Sheensters. > > Whaddya think? Is it a winner? Or is it a winner? I like it, but I don’t think the world is ready for it. The world is full of people who live like sheep. I won’t let them try to take my wool and feed on it. I’m not a sheep, I’m a wolf from the Big Bang. I’m beyond them. The new breed. A new species. I don’t think people can process that, so they fear it. The world just isn’t ready. **Crown Prince of Irony** , I will destroy you. I’m a volcano in a jet fighter and you’re a urinal cake. I could piss on you and destroy you. My piss is made of lava. I’ve been pissing fire ever since I started sleeping with the Goddesses. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/23 "2011-03-04T22:08:24Z")
Charlie, why don’t your pathetic co-stars who have been leeching off the fruits of your talent come out and support you? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/24 "2011-03-04T22:33:21Z")
My youngest daughter may want to get into acting some day. Do you have any tips for her? How can she become one of the winners? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/25 "2011-03-04T22:41:24Z")
Mah brother! ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/26 "2011-03-04T22:48:47Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Charlie, why don’t your pathetic co-stars who have been leeching off the fruits of your talent come out and support you? You answered it right there; they’re pathetic. They don’t have my bravery, my Adonis DNA or my battle warlock power. They’re afraid of the media sheep. They’re afraid they’ll be eaten by sheep. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > My youngest daughter may want to get into acting some day. Do you have any tips for her? How can she become one of the winners? In this business you have to do everything with passion. With violence. Act with a violent passion. Play violently. Work violently. Love violently. Your daughter should do barely legal bondage porn. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/27 "2011-03-04T23:47:42Z")
So does your music transend the deity, or are you and the deity in and of yourselves transendant and, therefore, ultimately pious? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/28 "2011-03-05T00:18:57Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > So does your music transend the deity, or are you and the deity in and of yourselves transendant and, therefore, ultimately pious? If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh…this terrestrial realm. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/29 "2011-03-05T00:39:29Z")
How does one become a Vatican Assassin Warlock? Are the benefits any good? What about vacation time? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/30 "2011-03-05T01:41:57Z")
I have a friend looking for an outgoing partner like yourself. She’s young, hot and obviously not very bright. Any advice? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/31 "2011-03-05T01:49:41Z")
I love you Charlie. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/32 "2011-03-05T01:55:54Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > How does one become a Vatican Assassin Warlock? Are the benefits any good? What about vacation time? It’s pretty easy, actually, but it costs $10 USD. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/33 "2011-03-05T04:57:55Z")
Hey Chaz! Here’s an easy one for you. How would you bring peace to the Middle East? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/34 "2011-03-05T05:02:11Z")
What is with the math in 2 1/2 men? I always thought that you were worth more than the total on your own. Are you underacting to make the title work? ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/35 "2011-03-05T06:11:02Z")
Did you get on a dentist blacklist? Is it in your contract that all your TV characters are named Charlie so you don’t forget who you are? ---
**Author:** ![Waldelfe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f08c70/32.png) [@Waldelfe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waldelfe)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/36 "2011-03-05T14:54:43Z")
How do you handle your success? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/37 "2011-03-05T16:59:55Z")
Is it true you were going to apply on Dateline until you discovered that the show didn’t involve dates and lines? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/38 "2011-03-06T20:56:46Z")
I’m not afraid to die. Where can I buy this drug called “Charlie Sheen”? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/39 "2011-03-06T21:35:14Z")
'Fess up. As the Vatican Assassin you must be the Star Whacker that Randy Quaid is so afraid of. Who have you killed? What did Randy do to make your hit list? ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516/40 "2011-03-07T00:52:29Z")
Are you comfortable with being a God? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-charlie-sheen/573516.md?page=3)