# Ask Dr. aha, sex therapist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461 "2000-12-14T02:36:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/41 "2000-12-14T17:48:23Z")
Dear Dr. Sex! My boyfriend and I have a pretty nice relationship but I am afraid he is an active wanker… I am so scared he might go blinde now… do you know what I could do to stop him from touching his own lower parts? _blink blink_ Yours sincerely, Blinded Girlfriend ---
**Author:** ![racerx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5e9695/32.png) [@racerx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racerx)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/42 "2000-12-14T17:54:31Z")
hey, i’ve got a question. what is sexology? is it real? is it therapy for sexual problems or more like fixing life’s problems through sex? (i think all of my problems could be solved by sex. at least i’d like to try.) naturally, i could easily do a search regarding the, um science?, but i wanted an insider’s opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/43 "2000-12-14T18:50:52Z")
Dear Dr. aha, This is something I’ve been wondering for a while, but I didn’t know who to ask. Thank you so much for starting this thread. Lately I’ve been getting aroused by the ivy growing on the outside of the building I live in. I just want to strip naked and rub the leaves all over my body. I’ve also been having erotic dreams about GI Joes. I don’t mean those little 3" plastic Hasbro action figures, but the _real_ 12" GI Joes with the kung-fu grip. And most recently, during an program on Animal Planet, I discovered I was getting an erection while watching a documentary about emus. So here’s my question - can you recommend a cream that stops jock itch, cuz I got it something terrible down there. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/44 "2000-12-14T18:54:11Z")
Ok, that’s enough silliness. Being serious for a second: What’s the best lubrication for waxing your dolphin and what would be the best sexual position if one wanted to pork an emu? ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/45 "2000-12-14T19:12:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by racerx \* > \*\*hey, i’ve got a question. what is sexology? is it real? is it therapy for sexual problems or more like fixing life’s problems through sex? . \*\* racerx stop trying to muddy up the waters and go wack off. We’ll explain more when you’re older. Borndodgy: > [@](#): > > do you know what I could do to stop him from touching his own lower parts? _blink blink_ Try rubbing some red peppers on his wittle penis. Shirley Ujest: > [@](#): > > Also,can you recommend a title to a porno soundtrack on cd, so I could set the mood ? How about that old favorite “You broke my heart so fuck you” by Johnny Wad. Trion: > [@](#): > > Now my keyboard is all sticky. What should I do? Don’t worry about it. Next time someone drops by your computer just say “Hey wanna smell my finger/fingers?” Rachelle: > [@](#): > > I have a 3rd nipple. Those are great for parlor games (Pin the tail on the nipple or who wants to be a nipple millionaire) ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/46 "2000-12-14T19:20:52Z")
Crunchy Frog: > [@](#): > > So here’s my question - can you recommend a cream that stops jock itch, cuz I got it something terrible down there. I think you were just funnin the old doctor about screwing Emu’s and waxing dolphins so I will just answer the more serious question above. Take two parts alchohol and one part vinegar mix in a sorghum base and apply to the effected area. Stay completely away from jocks for at least 21 days or 3 weeks, whichever comes first. There you go no charge! ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/47 "2000-12-14T19:27:02Z")
One more question: What advice can you offer to someone who, although he is not gay, feels a strong attraction to an ex-rock star who produced such hits as say, I don’t know, _Western Union_ and _Zip Code_ for example? Signed, Someone who is definitely not known as Crunchy Frog PS. What would be the best way to bump uglies with an emu? ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/48 "2000-12-14T19:27:40Z")
Dear Dr. aha, I hope you can help me. I keep having the same dream every night. There’s this hill with lots of dips and curves. I climb up on top of the hill, and there’s a hole that looks very wet - there’s even some water at the bottom. Inside, I see a little man in a boat. I stick my face in the hole, and start lapping like…like…well, a cat comes to mind. While I am lapping, I taste peach. The next thing I know, I’m all sweaty, I’m thinking about baseball, and shooting a gun. I wonder if maybe I’m camping in my dream, because every morning I wake up in a tent. Sincerely, Ivan Yerkinoff ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/49 "2000-12-14T20:48:46Z")
> [@](#): > > What advice can you offer to someone who, although he is not gay, feels a strong attraction to an ex-rock star who produced such hits as say, I don’t know, Western Union and Zip Code for example? > > Signed, > Someone who is definitely not known as Crunchy Frog Dear someone who is definately not crunchy frog. I would: 1. always refer to that person as “your majesty.” 2. Send that person gifts at every opportunity. 3. Take up for that person on the board even if that person happens to be wrong. ( if you can imagine that) > [@](#): > > PS. What would be the best way to bump uglies with an emu? Well I would advise you to solve that problem the same as you might for a four legged animal, say a goat for instance. Put the Emu up against the edge of a cliff during the sexual act, that way it will push back. 🙂 Dire Wolf axed: > [@](#): > > I hope you can help me. I keep having the same dream every night. There’s this hill with lots of dips and curves. I climb up on top of the hill, and there’s a hole that looks very wet - there’s even some water at the bottom. Inside, I see a little man in a boat. I stick my face in the hole, and start lapping like…like…well, a cat comes to mind. While I am lapping, I taste peach. Too bad it’s only a dream eh dire? Quit eating so much cheese before bedtime. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/50 "2000-12-14T21:10:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > \*\*_hides a smirk_ > > But why then are you running away? \*\* Well, I wouldn’t want the vibrator to think I’m an easy slut now , would I ? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/51 "2000-12-15T03:05:06Z")
The guy next door raise emus. He has a LOT more just came er, arrived today. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/52 "2000-12-15T04:51:41Z")
Dear Dr. Aha, I had a dream that I was being chased by a big vibrator and just when I finally caved into its hypnotic sounds, it turned into Andy Dick. You can imagine my horror. What does this mean? Signed, Ivana Barph ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/53 "2000-12-15T05:06:01Z")
Dear Dr. aha, I have this, um, well, this _friend,_ and she’s got a problem. See, she, um, well, she can’t, you know, “do the do” unless she’s dressed like Salome. She even does the dance & stuff, you know? Gets the guys all hot & bothered. But that’s not her problem, really. See, um, when she’s done “doing the do,” her guys, well, they kinda end up like John the Baptist. Kinda. See, she doesn’t exactly cut off the BIG head. She likes the little ones better. Then she decorates them and sells them at craft shows. They actually sell pretty well. But that’s not the problem, either. I keep telling my friend that she really needs to mark the jewelry up a bit. She’s only selling it at cost, and she’s not making any money at it. Could you possibly explain to her that charging for labor is okay? She’s just not understanding. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461/54 "2000-12-15T05:09:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*Dear Dr. Aha, > > I had a dream that I was being chased by a big vibrator and just when I finally caved into its hypnotic sounds, it turned into Andy Dick. You can imagine my horror. > > What does this mean? > Signed, > > Ivana Barph > \*\* Sooo let me get this straight, the big vibrator turned into a big dick right? Next time let the big vibrator or Andy catch you, write down what happens then get back to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-dr-aha-sex-therapist/45461.md?page=2)