# Ask Hitler a question or punch him in the mouth **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 12, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303 "2014-09-12T16:29:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/21 "2014-09-13T01:35:43Z")
Why the fuck would I care what Hitler has to say about anything? A punch in the mouth is what he gets from me. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/22 "2014-09-13T02:04:40Z")
I’d ask him a question: “Are you aware that someday your life will depend on Jews/Gypsies/gays/etc.? Are you aware that if you ever directly or indirectly cause any one of them to die, you yourself will die a horribly painful and drawn-out death?” ---
**Author:** ![ILikeForeignLanguages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bc8723/32.png) [@ILikeForeignLanguages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILikeForeignLanguages)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/23 "2014-09-13T02:07:28Z")
My question for Hitler: “How’s that Thousand Year Reich workin’ out for ya?” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/24 "2014-09-13T02:12:52Z")
I see no purpose in punching an alternate universe Hitler with no way to affect history. I’d ask him a question, but I’d like to go talk to some historians before I decide which. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/25 "2014-09-13T03:34:23Z")
> [@ILikeForeignLanguages](#): > > My question for Hitler: “How’s that Thousand Year Reich workin’ out for ya?” 😛 Since this is 1933 and not 2014, he’d probably say, “It’s looking good.” ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/26 "2014-09-13T04:37:55Z")
I’ve never felt that punching someone in the mouth as a first response was the most effective way of resolving communication or understanding issues. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’d ask “Can you give me any tips on how to overcome self-esteem issues?” ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/27 "2014-09-13T20:50:39Z")
Interesting question. I’m usually all for fighting ignorance, but in this case I opt for a delivery to Der Fuehrer’s shnoggen. Fuck him if he can’t take a joke, and even if he can. I guess if you gave me 3 devices, each for a different genocidal maniac, I might opt for a question for one of them. But I don’t think so. It’s probably shnoggens all the way down. Also interesting that there are plenty of Dopers taking a more constructive, less visceral view. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/28 "2014-09-14T04:09:01Z")
Question. “Say, what kind of openings do you have?” or “Why did you toss over Unity Mitford in favor of Eva Braun?” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/29 "2014-09-14T13:32:14Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > “Yo, Adolph. Tell me a joke.” ‘So three Jews walk into a bar…’ Apparently he did like to [make fun](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1028813/Hitler-comedian-The-Nazi-leaders-bodyguard-reveals-different-dictator.html) of Goering’s obsession with uniforms and promotions, though. \*“One day,“ Hitler used to say, “Mrs. Goering came into the bedchamber and found her husband waving his Field Marshall‘s baton over his underwear. “‘Hermann, darling, what are you doing?‘ she enquired. “‘I am promoting my underpants to overpants!‘“ \*Badum-tish. > [@jtur88](#): > > Maybe I’d ask “Can you give me any tips on how to overcome self-esteem issues?” Apparently he was never that engaging in small venues and needed a big crowd to work his dark charisma. In _Mein Kampf_ he says _‘I started out with the greatest enthusiasm and love. For all at once I was offered an opportunity of speaking before a larger audience; and the thing that I had always presumed from pure feeling without knowing it was now corroborated: I could ‘speak.’ My voice, too, had grown so much better that I could be sufficiently understood at least in every corner of the small squad rooms.’_ ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/30 "2014-09-14T13:50:47Z")
April 30, 1945, just as he’s reaching for his sidearm: “So, mister Master Race… how’s that working out for you?” ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/31 "2014-09-14T14:10:13Z")
With almost anyone else I’d opt for the question, just because it would be way more interesting. The problem with Hitler, though – having read a fair amount about him and the war – is that he was incapable of thoughtful self-reflection, and any question I send him on a non-trivial subject is just going to elicit a turgid harangue on German history and the wickedness of the Jews. Have you ever tried to read _Mein Kampf_? He apparently talked like that _all the time_. Ugh. No thank you. A punch in the face it is. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/32 "2014-09-14T16:27:17Z")
My sister, two years younger, read \* Mein Kampf. \* She said she was impressed with his apparent intellect; obviously, one needs more than intellect to have a noble mind. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/33 "2014-09-14T21:09:55Z")
I was going to say neither, as I didn’t feel any need for either. But reading more closely, I decided I’d like to have a 1933-vintage videotape. I think it would have some value just because it was so rare. ---
**Author:** ![Onyerbike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onyerbike/32/5402_2.png) [@Onyerbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onyerbike)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/34 "2014-09-15T08:11:11Z")
Voted for punch him in the mouth, on condition that I personally get to set the spring strength. I’m thinking ‘broken mandible’ level as a minimum. I did need to think about this … but it dawned on me as it did others - the old goat was simply a genocidal flavor of politician. Any question put to him will be in his head just another PR opportunity to spread his brand of vile taint. Try making a word salad with a broken jaw, grandpa! ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/35 "2014-09-15T09:06:44Z")
I’d have to ask him something tangible, like the names of all the Nazi sympathizers in Argentina, might be useful in tracking down war criminals after the war. Or the locations of any hidden gold or art he had squirreled away. I have no interest in hearing his thoughts, but surely there is some information he could impart that would still be useful in some fashion today? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/36 "2014-09-15T12:09:40Z")
" ‘The Hammers’ is the nickname of what English football team?" ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Kobayashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Mr.Kobayashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Kobayashi)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/37 "2014-09-15T13:12:51Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > April 30, 1945, just as he’s reaching for his sidearm: “So, mister Master Race… how’s that working out for you?” He’d probably reply to you the same way he replied to Speer, that there is a master race - he just picked the wrong one. _‘… this nation will have proved to be the weaker one and the future will belong solely to the stronger eastern nation.’_ > [@Onyerbike](#): > > Voted for punch him in the mouth, on condition that I personally get to set the spring strength. I’m thinking ‘broken mandible’ level as a minimum. I did need to think about this … but it dawned on me as it did others - the old goat was simply a genocidal flavor of politician. Any question put to him will be in his head just another PR opportunity to spread his brand of vile taint. Try making a word salad with a broken jaw, grandpa! The power of the punch is set by your personal punching power, so give it your best shot. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/38 "2014-09-15T13:24:20Z")
All the things we need to learn from Hitler, we have enough to know. You might be able to get some trivia out of him, but ask him anything of substance, and you’ll just get a bunch of self-justification and sales pitches. I don’t think we’re dealing with a case of “presumed innocent until proven guilty”. He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to voice his thoughts any more. Sock him in the jaw. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/39 "2014-09-15T15:16:03Z")
I would ask Hilter, “How would you like it if I punched you in the mouth?” Rregardless of his answer I would go ahead and do it. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hitler-a-question-or-punch-him-in-the-mouth/698303/40 "2014-09-16T01:42:23Z")
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