# Ask Hulk. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 3, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422 "2003-02-03T02:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/101 "2003-02-09T07:52:49Z")
> [@](#): > > The hulk gains 900 pounds of “extra-dimensional” mass. He must have a denser hide than Asgardians and they do OK. Beyond that the hulk has a healing ability. Wolverine sliced him open in his grey days, no biggie. On a green day I don’t think he can be cut. There’s a “What If” in which Wolverine kills green Hulk by repeatedly slashing away at Hulk’s throat. I don’t remember what the consequences of this are, but given what usually happens in “What If” it probably led to the end of the world. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/102 "2003-02-10T14:24:41Z")
What would happen if Hulk entered a lumberjack contest with Ben Grimm, The Flash, and Superman? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/103 "2003-02-10T14:37:35Z")
Also, what would happen if Hulk tried to interview Michael Jackson? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/104 "2003-02-10T21:31:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Controvert \* > \*\*What would happen if Hulk entered a lumberjack contest with Ben Grimm, The Flash, and Superman? \*\* He’d lose to Paul Bunyan. Hulk may be stronger, but Bunyan’s got the logging experience. (And an enormous blue ox, which is always a plus.) ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/105 "2003-02-11T00:10:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Controvert \* > \*\*What would happen if Hulk entered a lumberjack contest with Ben Grimm, The Flash, and Superman? \*\* Do you mean the types that involved climbing and “that thing where two people stand on a log in the water and spin it until one falls off”? Superman wins the climbing. He flies to the top. Flash easily beats Hulk and Thing in “TTWTPSOALITWASIUOFO” because he spins the tree fast. Supes beats him because Supes can fly and hence would never fall off. Gotta winnow Superman from this contest for it to mean anything. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/106 "2003-02-11T00:59:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pucky Schumer \* > **Superman wins the climbing. He flies to the top.** Not nececelery. Don’t forget that the Hulk can leap thousands of feet into the air. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/107 "2003-02-12T14:53:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by the late, lamented Pucky Schumer_ > **Hulk: Let’s say you were playing tennis – you’re right at the net when an easy lob comes to you. What would Hulk do?** HULK SMASH! > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Pucky Schumer_ > **Hulk, let’s say you had a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. You know, just like Hawkeye and Radar had. > What would you call Hulks Mobile Army Surgical Hospital?** HULK’S M_A_S\*H! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NDP \* > **If you had something valuable that you wanted to keep secret, what would you do with it?** HULK STASH! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NDP \* > \*\*Also, if you collected classic cars from defunct auto companies and you had a 1954 Rambler [like the one pictured in this web article,](http://uwadmnweb.uwyo.edu/AMS/webct_mall/submitted%20papers/Michelle%20M%20Lockwood.htm) what would you call it? \*\* HULK’S NASH! (And now, a few more of Hulk’s own:) > [@](#): > > **Let’s say you wanted to make a purchase at Macy’s, but you didn’t want to leave a paper trail. Would you buy your merchandise with Hulk’s checkbook, Hulk’s credit card, or** HULK’S CASH! > [@](#): > > **What kind of fan-fiction would you call it if some two-bit Hulk fan wrote an X-rated story about you having sex with another major character in the Hulk comics?** HULK SLASH! UNLESS PUNY WRITER SHOW HULK HAVING SEX WITH RICK JONES OR SHE-HULK. THEN HULK FEEL ALL DIRTY. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/108 "2003-02-12T15:11:20Z")
What kind of stuff does the Hulk smoke to mellow out? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/109 "2003-02-12T16:09:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sock Munkey \* > \*\*What kind of stuff does the Hulk smoke to mellow out? \*\* HULK’S HASH! ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/110 "2003-02-12T16:14:42Z")
Has Hulk ever caught anything, and if so, what were the symptoms? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/111 "2003-02-12T16:15:21Z")
> [@](#): > > **Hey, Hulk, what’s that on your eye?** HULK’S LASH! > [@](#): > > **What’s installed in Hulk’s PC to make it run faster?** HULK’S CACHE! > [@](#): > > **How does Hulk run 100 yards in less than 8 seconds?** HULK DASH! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/112 "2003-02-12T16:17:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sock Munkey \* > \*\*Has Hulk ever caught anything, and if so, what were the symptoms? \*\* HULK’S RASH! ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/113 "2003-02-12T17:06:57Z")
What is the Hulk’s favorite type of gourd? ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/114 "2003-02-12T17:32:03Z")
I understand you were once arrested for public indecency. How did that come about? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/115 "2003-02-12T17:40:04Z")
What does Hulk do when he jumps into a swimming pool? ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/116 "2003-02-12T17:45:18Z")
If Hulk were a girl, what pet name would Hulk’s private parts be called? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/117 "2003-02-12T21:08:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Controvert \* > \*\*What does Hulk do when he jumps into a swimming pool? \*\* On second thought… I just realized I squandered a perfectly good opportunity to conjecture about what happens when Hulk’s pee stream forks… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/118 "2003-02-13T17:45:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sock Munkey \* > \*\*What is the Hulk’s favorite type of gourd? \*\* HULK PREFERS CRYSTALLINE DECANTER WITH CUTE LITTLE DOLPHIN-HEAD DESIGN ON HANDLE. WHY PUNY SOCK MUNKEY ASK? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/119 "2003-02-13T17:49:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2trew \* > \*\*I understand you were once arrested for public indecency. How did that come about? \*\* HULK NEVER ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY! HULK’S PANTS NEVER COME OFF. HULK’S PANTS MADE OF ADAMANTIUM-REINFORCED KEVLAR OR SOMETHING. ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422/120 "2003-02-13T18:46:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*HULK PREFERS CRYSTALLINE DECANTER WITH CUTE LITTLE DOLPHIN-HEAD DESIGN ON HANDLE. WHY PUNY SOCK MUNKEY ASK? \*\* Hmm… are you sure it isn’t Hulk’s calabash? :o [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-hulk/152422.md?page=7)