# Ask Inigo Montoya **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350 "2007-05-24T14:54:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/1 "2007-05-24T14:54:19Z")
I know we all want to know what makes this enigmatic poster “tick”. I’ll get the ball rolling by asking the first question(s)… Inigo, will you participate? If so, here are my questions… What is the nature of **Inigo Montoya**? If **Inigo Montoya** falls in the forest, and there’s no-one there to hear it, does he make a sound? And finally: Is it true that **Inigo Montoya** can stand on his head on the vernal and autumnal equinox? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/2 "2007-05-24T15:14:31Z")
Did someone kill your father? How many fingers did he have? What are you planning to do about it? How is that new forehead working out for you? ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/3 "2007-05-24T15:18:34Z")
What’s that behind you? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/4 "2007-05-24T15:28:04Z")
I think my namesake said it best: “Kill me quickly!” ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/5 "2007-05-24T15:31:21Z")
Ever try and nail J.J., Elle or Garcia? ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/6 "2007-05-24T15:34:13Z")
I would rather destroy a fine piece of stained glass than an artist such as yourself\* [sub]\*quoted from memory - could be very much wrong[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/7 "2007-05-24T15:34:23Z")
**Inigo:** Why does it hurt when I do that? Should I increase my dosage without consulting my doctor? How many fingers am I holding up? Where’d you get those shoes? I like them. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Ad\_Here](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b2d939/32.png) [@Your\_Ad\_Here](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Ad_Here)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/8 "2007-05-24T15:43:25Z")
Anybody want a peanut? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/9 "2007-05-24T16:03:47Z")
If so, here are my questions… **What is the nature of Inigo Montoya?** Will work for tequila or brandy. **If Inigo Montoya falls in the forest, and there’s no-one there to hear it, does he make a sound?** Inigo Montoya is as agile as a, as a … very agile thing, he does not fall in the forest. Castle ruins on the other hand… **Is it true that Inigo Montoya can stand on his head on the vernal and autumnal equinox?** No, Inigo can not stand on his head. Others have. I actually had a boss who was talking to a customer and said, “I will stand on Inigo’s head to make you a deal.” \*\*Did someone kill your father? \*\* Yes, a cardio surgeon. **How many fingers did he have?** Surgeon had ten, but was attempting a 6 x bypass–aka: six fingers **What are you planning to do about it?** No plans, I have no mind for strategy. **How is that new forehead working out for you?** _I’m havin’ a heart attack…_ **What’s that behind you?** Well, actually…it’s my butt. **Ever try and nail J.J., Elle or Garcia?** I admit it, you are cleverer than I am, but I know something you don’t know. **I** am not left brained! **Why does it hurt when I do that?** Try using a different grip? **Should I increase my dosage without consulting my doctor?** Absolutely. But for a really good time, I recommend going off the meds cold-turkey from time to time. **How many fingers am I holding up?** One … HEY! :mad: **Where’d you get those shoes? I like them.** These are regular shoes that were painted by a crazy person. **Anybody want a peanut?** You might try that girl over there with the short skirt and loooong jacket. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/10 "2007-05-24T16:04:24Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] Where’d you get those shoes? I like them. [/QUOTE] Shhhhhhhhh, Dude, he’s barefoot! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/11 "2007-05-24T17:23:29Z")
**Inigo** , who wrote the book of love? And if you had a million dollars, would you buy a green dress (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel)? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/12 "2007-05-24T17:30:42Z")
Did you shoot a man in Reno? Did you do it just to watch him die? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/13 "2007-05-24T18:31:08Z")
[QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] **Why does it hurt when I do that?** Try using a different grip? [/QUOTE] Arnold Palmer? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/14 "2007-05-24T18:50:44Z")
I presume this thread will drop off the page soon enough, but if (by some outrageous happenstance) this thread flourished, at what point would you decide you hate me for starting it? A) 10 Pages B) 5 Pages C) As soon as I started it D) Pie ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/15 "2007-05-24T18:51:57Z")
If someone mangled your name and called you **Indigo Montoya** , would you tell him “Prepare to dye”? ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-inigo-montoya/405350/16 "2007-05-24T18:56:04Z")
**Inigo** : If you had to compare yourself to a vegetable, which one would you be most like? Have you ever been to a Turkish prison? Have you seen my keys? What is your flag? Do you have a chewy center? Do you like to watch gladiator movies? Seriously, where are my keys?