# Ask me about my abortion **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 6, 2011, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993 "2011-05-06T18:52:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/41 "2011-05-07T11:39:56Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Although I don’t agree with the anti-choice position, it is at least understandable given the social conservative proposal that life begins at conception, with which I also disagree. > > Where it all breaks down for me, however, is the same folks who are against abortions are generally against contraception, sex education, and social welfare as well. So not only do they not want post-pubescent adolescents to learn anything about sex, they don’t want them to have access to the devices or medications designed to prevent pregnancy, they want to force the girl, once pregnant, to gestate and deliver a baby against her will and, finally, when she has had the child, and has, in many cases, had to give up school, a boyfriend who’s mysteriously fled the scene, and with little to no means of support, they want to eliminate social programs that would help her financially and emotionally in raising the child, thereby increasing the likelihood of a life of poverty and despair for both the mother and child. Now THAT is illogical, not to mention freaking sick. Good post, I see things similarly. However, I think you are portraying one end of the pro-life spectrum with the above, not all pro-lifers are opposed to birth control and sex education. Strict, conservative sexual morality was once appropriate. It is irresponsible to risk having a child you or your society are not equipped to raise. This is especially true given how dangerous child birth was to the mother before the advent of modern medicine. The alternative to strict morality is shown by the native Tahitians, who were sexually permissive, but as a consequence frequently practised infanticide on any unwanted children. This changed radically with the advent of reliable birth control. Many conservatives today seem to think that sex itself is immoral, instead of the possible consequences of unprotected sex (unwanted pregnancy and spread of STDs). I don’t think that is a rational position. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/42 "2011-05-07T13:58:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Is there a special pleasure with PIV sex that is absent from other forms? Well, yes, dear. I mean, for me, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/43 "2011-05-07T14:08:16Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The orgasm explanation doesn’t work for me, as you can have orgasm outside of actual vaginal intercourse. In fact, for women, I was under the impression that orgasm usually required some digital, oral, or mechanical stimulation. That’s what certain people have told me. > > There has to be something besides orgasm and having a partner that enters into the decision to have PIV sex. Is it just a biological urge or instinct that overrides rational thinking? Is there a special pleasure with PIV sex that is absent from other forms? Yes, absolutely. It’s not really about the orgasm _per se_ either, it’s the whole experience of getting there. To draw an analogy, all kinds of different food will fill you up, but that doesn’t mean eating a steak is the same as eating an ice cream cone. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/44 "2011-05-07T14:18:26Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, absolutely. It’s not really about the orgasm _per se_ either, it’s the whole experience of getting there. To draw an analogy, all kinds of different food will fill you up, but that doesn’t mean eating a steak is the same as eating an ice cream cone. Good comparison. For me, masturbation is kind of like eating one of those “nutrition bars” - it satisfies, but afterwards I’m kind of “meh, that did the trick, now I don’t have to pay attention to that need for a while.” Sex is like eating “real” food - it can be a quick bite to fill you up, or a long drawn-out feast. Sometimes it’s mindblowingly awesome, sometimes it’s not so great (hopefully not that often!), usually it’s at least pretty damned nice. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/45 "2011-05-07T14:18:56Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I believe in adoption (open) whole-heartedly but it was not for me, either. I was born out of wedlock and my mother cast me aside and never looked back. It hurt me so much I was never willing to do that to a child. I will be upfront and state that I am pro life. Not doctor murdering, picketing the clinic, make women’s lives miserable pro-life, but pro life nonetheless. I am curious about the rejection of the adoption option. Why do you conflate adoption and being “cast aside”? From your wording, it sounds like you weren’t adopted, and you say that you believe in adoption whole heartedly, but then you say you could never be willing to do that to a child. I don’t understand the seeming conflict between those two. Lacunae Matata found adoption to be the better choice for her (kudos), albeit more physically and emotionally difficult. Did you see it that way too? I don’t want to devolve your very brave thread into a discussion of the issue of abortion (the rhetoric is already tough to bear), but I’m curious about the rejection of adoption as a viable option. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/46 "2011-05-07T16:08:27Z")
I had one around the time you did, and I am wondering why you didn’t get ansthesia? Mine cost about 300 also so there was no pain. I just want to say to anyone who is about to have one, don’t lift anything heavy afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/47 "2011-05-07T16:24:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The orgasm explanation doesn’t work for me, as you can have orgasm outside of actual vaginal intercourse. In fact, for women, I was under the impression that orgasm usually required some digital, oral, or mechanical stimulation. That’s what certain people have told me. For some women maybe but this is far from universally true. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/48 "2011-05-07T17:03:25Z")
> [@](#): > > The orgasm explanation doesn’t work for me, as you can have orgasm outside of actual vaginal intercourse. In fact, for women, I was under the impression that orgasm usually required some digital, oral, or mechanical stimulation. That’s what certain people have told me. Incorrect. Most women require ADDITIONAL stimulation to reach orgasm with PIV sex, that is, they can’t orgasm from simply inserting getting a penis inserted into their vagina and then screwing. However, if these same women are stimulated either before or during the main event, they can have a dandy orgasm, thankyouverymuch. Many, probably even most, heterosexual women enjoy penetration. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/49 "2011-05-07T17:07:42Z")
> [@Laggard](#): > > The expense was by far the worst part. $500 which makes the idea of abortion as birth control a joke. If you think thats bad, skip the abortion and you will find that $500 does not go very far. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/50 "2011-05-07T17:34:39Z")
Yeah, count me in with the people who just really don’t understand the “why on earth would you want to have sex?” question. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/51 "2011-05-07T18:12:59Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Yes, I’ll admit that I am completely inexperienced in this area. Obviously. I’m as confused by you and **Captain Amazing** as you seem to be by us. Just like eating, sex is a primordial instinct, but it isn’t just about surviving or procreating. You’ve mentioned in the past that you’re overweight, I believe. Why? Because food tastes good and you eat more of it than is necessary for survival. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/52 "2011-05-07T20:13:25Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > I don’t understand it, but I’ll take your word for it. There just seems to be a lot of physical contact and fluids, but anyway. I guess my next question is, did the fact that abortion’s legal contribute to your decision to have sex? If, hypothetically, you knew that abortion wasn’t available, and if you were to get pregnant you’d have to carry the pregnancy to term, would that have influenced your decision to have vaginal sex, or (for those people who’ve answered who had unprotected sex) unprotected vaginal sex? Because I’m assuming that, when you had vaginal sex, you knew that pregnancy was a possibility, right? You weren’t ignorant of the babymaking process. Did any of that, or the possibility you might get pregnant, enter into your decision making process at all? If abortion weren’t legal, that would almost certainly effect my sexual choices. I’m not sure exactly how; we’re in hypothetical land now, so I don’t know how to answer. But, yes, it would have an effect. I knew that pregnancy was a possibility, which is why, before I had sex with my current partner, I explained to him that I would not be having more kids. I think it’s a good decision for all sexually active heterosexual people to have. And, I’ll just say this, to skip any more questions trying to tease it out. Speaking for myself only, abortion is no big deal to me. It’s expensive, it’s painful, and it’s damn inconvenient, but morally? It’s neutral for me. Lots of people don’t feel like I do, maybe even a majority. I use birth control because it’s cheaper and a hell of a lot easier than abortion. But, if I got pregnant tomorrow, I’d have another one, and I wouldn’t feel particularly bad about it. It just doesn’t bother me. It certainly doesn’t stop me from having sex. > [@BigT](#): > > The orgasm explanation doesn’t work for me, as you can have orgasm outside of actual vaginal intercourse. In fact, for women, I was under the impression that orgasm usually required some digital, oral, or mechanical stimulation. That’s what certain people have told me. > > There has to be something besides orgasm and having a partner that enters into the decision to have PIV sex. Is it just a biological urge or instinct that overrides rational thinking? Is there a special pleasure with PIV sex that is absent from other forms? > > Yes, I’ll admit that I am completely inexperienced in this area. I am the infamous intentional virgin. But I thought I had a good idea of at least the basics, based on the stuff I’ve read and the guys who love to describe in detail what they do and the stuff I read online from both men and women. Oh, and this one S&M girl I knew in real life who, second conversation I had with her, wound up having drifting to how she enjoyed having sex with gay guys, as long as they enjoyed pain. If you have chosen to remain a virgin, and/or you cannot understand why people want to have sex, I don’t think I can explain it to you. I mean this completely non-snarkily. I remember being pre-pubescent and having questions similar to these, but no one could explain it to me then, and no one can explain it to you now, I think. You asked if it’s a biological urge that overrides rational thinking; it may be. Maybe that is the best way to think of it, for you. I find it to be very rational, personally, but then I’m using information you aren’t capable of having, in a way. The rewards of a joyful sex life are very real to me; pleasure, affection, excitement… They are absolutely worth the hassle of birth control and/or pregnancy termination. I’m sorry I can’t explain it any better than that. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/53 "2011-05-07T20:29:23Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > I will be upfront and state that I am pro life. Not doctor murdering, picketing the clinic, make women’s lives miserable pro-life, but pro life nonetheless. I am curious about the rejection of the adoption option. > > _\_ > > I don’t want to devolve your very brave thread into a discussion of the issue of abortion (the rhetoric is already tough to bear), but I’m curious about the rejection of adoption as a viable option. Nine months of physical and emotional stress plus childbirth come to mind, as well as a degree of physical danger and permanent damage to the body. All for the purpose of putting one more child up for adoption when there are already more children that need adoption than there are parents willing to take them. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/54 "2011-05-07T20:36:03Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > I will be upfront and state that I am pro life. Not doctor murdering, picketing the clinic, make women’s lives miserable pro-life, but pro life nonetheless. I am curious about the rejection of the adoption option. > > Why do you conflate adoption and being “cast aside”? From your wording, it sounds like you weren’t adopted, and you say that you believe in adoption whole heartedly, but then you say you could never be willing to do that to a child. I don’t understand the seeming conflict between those two. Lacunae Matata found adoption to be the better choice for her (kudos), albeit more physically and emotionally difficult. Did you see it that way too? > > I don’t want to devolve your very brave thread into a discussion of the issue of abortion (the rhetoric is already tough to bear), but I’m curious about the rejection of adoption as a viable option. I think you need to read the OP again. \*\*Anaamika **_was adopted, by her aunt, and the family shunned her birth mother because she got pregnant out of wedlock. They taught_ 'Mika** that her mother abandoned her, because in their culture, that’s what it was, and at the same time, they made it impossible for her mother to maintain contact with her (whether or not she wanted to is another question.) That’s pretty messed up. **'Mika** , thanks for sharing your story. I chose differently, for different reasons, but I appreciate hearing other people’s tales, and I absolutely respect your decision, you know that. I’m another who started out pro-choice and became, if possible, even MORE pro-choice after becoming a mother. Motherhood is hard, and it’s draining and dangerous and forces your life into paths you might never have wanted your life to go. It should never be forced on any person who doesn’t want it. That way lies resentment at best and abuse at worst. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/55 "2011-05-07T20:38:21Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > That doesn’t mean that I think abortion is a good thing though. I would rather do what I can to try to encourage a culture where people accept their daughters with unplanned out of wedlock pregnancy (referring both to Anaamika’s bio mom and herself there) rather than pushing them into these kind of unpleasant circumstances. I can agree with everything in this statement and still believe that abortion should be legal and left up to the private, uninterfered-with decision of the woman. You can make society as perfect as possible, but there will always be some women who, finding themselves, pregnant, do not want to carry the child to term. And they will be perfectly justified in doing so without any explanation to anyone else or society at large. It’s not just a matter of a nine-month medical condition followed by a wonderful granting of a gift to some adoptive parent. It’s a complete unalterable changing a woman, physically, mentally, and emotionally that she should be allowed to choose against, regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes. > [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > You might find this a weird question, and I’m sorry if it is, but I’ve never really been able to understand it, and I’m hoping you can explain it to me. You say you didn’t want kids, so why did you have sex with your boyfriend in the first place? Captain Amazing, this question of yours is simply baffling and is something I would not expect from an adult human being. There’s no way to respond in a reasonable manner to your question seriously without further understanding of your own feelings, beliefs, and attitudes towards sex. And that means explaining issues such as how old are you? Are you a man or a woman? Have you ever had sex? If so, what kind of sex was it? Did you enjoy it? Have you ever suffered sex-related trauma? Do you have sexual urges? Do you have desires to engage in intimate relationships with other people? Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/56 "2011-05-07T21:07:59Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > You might find this a weird question, and I’m sorry if it is, but I’ve never really been able to understand it, and I’m hoping you can explain it to me. You say you didn’t want kids, so why did you have sex with your boyfriend in the first place? Because it feels good, the reason 98% of sex is ever engaged in. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/57 "2011-05-07T21:11:13Z")
Most people picture an Ozzie and Harriet home, with understanding and level headed parents. If you got pregnant, why didn’t you go to your parents ? The suburbs are full of mean and abusive parents. For many, telling your parents is not an option. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/58 "2011-05-07T21:12:45Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Incorrect. Most women require ADDITIONAL stimulation to reach orgasm with PIV sex, that is, they can’t orgasm from simply inserting getting a penis inserted into their vagina and then screwing. However, if these same women are stimulated either before or during the main event, they can have a dandy orgasm, thankyouverymuch. Many, probably even most, heterosexual women enjoy penetration. Long before I was able to orgasm via PIV sex (I was 36 and had been having sex for 20 years already) I loved penetration. In fact, my favorite time was after orgasm if he gave me orgasm orally. Then it was “inside! NOW!” Yum. I miss sex. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/59 "2011-05-07T21:24:33Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Captain Amazing, this question of yours is simply baffling and is something I would not expect from an adult human being. There’s no way to respond in a reasonable manner to your question seriously without further understanding of your own feelings, beliefs, and attitudes towards sex. And that means explaining issues such as how old are you? Are you a man or a woman? Have you ever had sex? If so, what kind of sex was it? Did you enjoy it? Have you ever suffered sex-related trauma? Do you have sexual urges? Do you have desires to engage in intimate relationships with other people? Etc. No, it’s not awkward at all to answer questions about my sex life. 🙂 To answer your questions, I’m a 35 year old man. I’ve never had sex, or suffered sex-related trauma. I’ve had sexual urges, but I don’t have any particular desire to engage in intimate sexual relationships with other people. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993/60 "2011-05-07T21:40:09Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > No, it’s not awkward at all to answer questions about my sex life. 🙂 To answer your questions, I’m a 35 year old man. I’ve never had sex, or suffered sex-related trauma. I’ve had sexual urges, but I don’t have any particular desire to engage in intimate sexual relationships with other people. Fair questions, and thank you for your honest answer. I think the only way to answer your question, given your background, is that you are an outlier on the spectrum of sexual drives, and it’s just different for most people. This really isn’t meant to be insulting or dismissive. I think it’s a lot like I will never “get” why some people like sports so much, spend money on tickets and travel to big games, reschedule important work or personal plans so they can watch sports on TV, etc. I’m just not built that way; I don’t consider sports important to my life, and if they all disappeared tomorrow, I probably wouldn’t notice. But I can intellectually understand that some people find sports very interesting and fulfilling. It brings people together and improves their relationships. It confers health and emotional benefits to those who participate, it drives a significant portion of our economy, etc. Just like sex. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-about-my-abortion/580993.md?page=4)