# Ask me what it's like to be poor! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2010, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897 "2010-02-06T03:49:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/1 "2010-02-06T03:49:32Z")
I was poor growing up. Not the [my parents only took me to McDonald’s once a month and had to scrimp and save to afford to send me to college](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12083597&postcount=5) type of poor, but really, actually poor, like the kind where you’re homeless and have to eat what other people throw away. I thought it might be beneficial for people to ask questions because there seems to be a lot of confusion about what it means to be poor in America. Any takers? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/2 "2010-02-06T03:59:38Z")
Do you still consider yourself poor? If not, how did you move from poverty to your present state? Do you still have family members who are poor? ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/3 "2010-02-06T04:01:34Z")
What level of income did your family have and what wast the time frame? ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/4 "2010-02-06T04:24:40Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Do you still consider yourself poor? If not, how did you move from poverty to your present state? Do you still have family members who are poor? I’m eligible for foodstamps and I make less than $10k a year, but I wouldn’t really consider myself poor. My metric for determining this is fairly arbitrary: I have enough money to buy food and clothing with enough left over to afford the occasional luxury (like attending a play or concert). However, I would still be considered poor by most people. I am no longer homeless, obviously. My immediate family is poor even by my standards. > [@](#): > > What level of income did your family have and what wast the time frame? We were poor from when I was three up until I was fourteen. During that period, our income (per year) was anywhere between $1,000 and $5,000. During those years, my family consisted of my mother, myself and my younger brother. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/5 "2010-02-06T04:26:31Z")
> [@Tarwater](#): > > We were poor from when I was three up until I was fourteen. During that period, our income (per year) was anywhere between $1,000 and $5,000. During those years, my family consisted of my mother, myself and my younger brother. Why was your family income so limited? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/6 "2010-02-06T04:27:13Z")
What problems did your mother have that prevented her from holding down a job? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/7 "2010-02-06T04:48:54Z")
How old are you? ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/8 "2010-02-06T04:49:28Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Why was your family income so limited? My father died when I was three years old. With him dead, my mother had no support system, and so she moved us across the country (to Denver), where we were able to room with one of her highschool friends. She went to nursing school for a couple years and was close to graduating when she could no longer afford to pay her tuition, or even find the time to study, as she had a part-time job and her commute to school took close to four hours total. Shortly after, she began a relationship with the friend that would prove pretty disastrous. At the time, she believed him to be a good man and thought he would be a positive influence on my brother and I, since we had been without a positive male role-model since my father died. He would later turn out to be an abusive alcoholic. This is getting a little long and unwieldy, so to make a long story short: she started taking drugs, eventually got clean, went through a series of increasingly abusive relationships until we moved back to live with her mother. She worked at a sawmill. She was injured working there, and didn’t think it was serious enough to tell anybody about (and also didn’t want to lose her job), so she kept working. The pain soon became too much for her to handle. She went back to school while on disability. Finished, this time. However, because of health problems I won’t bother to fully explain (unless somebody really wants to know), she was eventually unable to work even while sitting in an office chair. > [@](#): > > What problems did your mother have that prevented her from holding down a job? I guess I’ve sort’ve answered this question. > [@](#): > > How old are you? I’m twenty-three, soon to be twenty-four. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/9 "2010-02-06T05:36:46Z")
Glad you’re on the board. I myself have passed through that state of being long enough to have left an impression, but still so briefly, really, that it was more of an incident than a defining characteristic of my life. I don’t think I ever stopped thinking that it was a complete accident or an anomaly that I was in that situation. One widespread notion is that people who are stuck in genuine poverty for any protracted period of time cease to have any belief that it is possible for them to get out of it; and that because of that frame of mind they do not take advantage of the limited opportunities and choices that ARE there. In contrast to the abovementioned notion that being homeless & having no money or resources was an anomaly, that people stuck there long enough come to see that as the norm and do not anticipate that their situation will change. Based on your own personal experiences, those of your family, and those of other people you’ve known who are in the same situation, do you think there is validity to that, or would you care to critique that notion (or both)? ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/10 "2010-02-06T05:48:09Z")
What did you look forward to? What did you hope for? Has that changed? During that time, did you consider yourself to be generally happy or generally unhappy. . .or however you’d like to describe your emotional state? ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/11 "2010-02-06T05:57:46Z")
Well, you can’t leave me hanging there - what ARE your mom’s health problems that she can’t work even sitting in an office chair? What does she do instead? Do you interact with her - live near her, shop for her, take her around places? Do you have a car? Where do you live? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you planning to have kids? What is your source of income? ---
**Author:** ![dragoncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@dragoncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragoncat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/12 "2010-02-06T07:15:11Z")
Hi, thanks for starting this thread. My questions are: what is your political persuasion? For lack of a more elegant way to ask this, do you feel you are more qualified to speak to domestic political issues than others because you have yourself experienced poverty? ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/13 "2010-02-06T07:21:51Z")
> [@](#): > > One widespread notion is that people who are stuck in genuine poverty for any protracted period of time cease to have any belief that it is possible for them to get out of it; and that because of that frame of mind they do not take advantage of the limited opportunities and choices that ARE there. In contrast to the abovementioned notion that being homeless & having no money or resources was an anomaly, that people stuck there long enough come to see that as the norm and do not anticipate that their situation will change. > > Based on your own personal experiences, those of your family, and those of other people you’ve known who are in the same situation, do you think there is validity to that, or would you care to critique that notion (or both)? I can speak only generally about the people I met during my childhood. But… They were born into poverty. Poverty was a fact of life. There were people who could afford to go to college, go to the movies, eat at a restaurant, own a house and a car, and then there were people like them. It wasn’t like they were hopeless. It was more like they had accepted their lot in life. Upward mobility was never a concern. Most didn’t begrudge the wealthy, either. Not really. This was my impression: because having money was imperative to their well-being, and because a dollar or two was the difference between eating and going hungry, those people who actually _had_ money and could afford to dine-out were treated with great reverence. > [@](#): > > What did you look forward to? What did you hope for? Has that changed? This is going to sound more depressing than it actually was, but: mostly, I looked forward to going to sleep at the end of the day. Sleeping in a warm bed with clean sheets was especially great. We all slept in one bed. To me, nothing was better than going to sleep surrounded by the two people you love more than anything in the world. How has it changed? Well, I’ll graduate from college next year. I hope to have enough money to send fund my sister’s education. > [@](#): > > During that time, did you consider yourself to be generally happy or generally unhappy. . .or however you’d like to describe your emotional state? Generally happy. I spent a lot of time with my family. That was enough. I didn’t want for much. > [@](#): > > Well, you can’t leave me hanging there - what ARE your mom’s health problems that she can’t work even sitting in an office chair? What does she do instead? Do you interact with her - live near her, shop for her, take her around places? Listing all of her medical issues here would embarass her tremendously, so I’m not going to do that. Suffice it to say, most of them are genetic, one stems from her drug abuse, and the most serious originates from an accident she suffered while working at a sawmill (which I mentioned above). She was able to work until very recently when she suffered a work-related injury caused solely by the carelessness of her supervisors and managers. I can only say that she’s currently preparing for litigation. She’s now undergoing treatment and surgery. It takes up most of her time. When she isn’t in the hospital, she’s spending time with my sister or attending random church-related functions. She’s very religious. I don’t live near her. I visit during the holidays, talk to her on the phone, and send money when I can afford it. > [@](#): > > Do you have a car? Where do you live? Do you have a girlfriend? Are you planning to have kids? What is your source of income? I don’t have a car. I have a bus pass and a bicycle. I’m working at a hotel part-time while attending college, and both the campus and the hotel are close enough that travel isn’t really a problem. I do have a girlfriend, and we’re planning on having children once we graduate. ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/14 "2010-02-06T07:23:47Z")
Did any of your teachers or any other adult in your life know how desperate your situation was, or did you hide it? What was it like trying to have friends and socialize with this going on in your home life? What exactly was your living situation? Did you sleep in a car? On friends’ couches? Benches? What do you do now and what are your plans for the next five years? Do you think your future ambitions are less feasible for you than for others, based on your background? ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/15 "2010-02-06T07:38:18Z")
> [@Tarwater](#): > > This is going to sound more depressing than it actually was, but: mostly, I looked forward to going to sleep at the end of the day. Sleeping in a warm bed with clean sheets was especially great. We all slept in one bed. To me, nothing was better than going to sleep surrounded by the two people you love more than anything in the world. > > How has it changed? Well, I’ll graduate from college next year. I hope to have enough money to send fund my sister’s education. > > Generally happy. I spent a lot of time with my family. That was enough. I didn’t want for much. That’s really nice. . .love and happiness. Thanks for sharing your experiences. ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/16 "2010-02-06T07:42:25Z")
> [@dragoncat](#): > > Hi, thanks for starting this thread. My questions are: what is your political persuasion? For lack of a more elegant way to ask this, do you feel you are more qualified to speak to domestic political issues than others because you have yourself experienced poverty? I’m mostly liberal. Definitely less liberal than a lot of people here, though. As for your second question: Yes, in that I can call people out on their bullshit. That’s the extent of it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/17 "2010-02-06T08:26:22Z")
> [@Tarwater](#): > > We all slept in one bed. To me, nothing was better than going to sleep surrounded by the two people you love more than anything in the world. I want to say , this made me tear up … well …I am at a loss of words . I sincerely wish you the very best. ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/18 "2010-02-06T08:36:08Z")
> [@torie](#): > > Did any of your teachers or any other adult in your life know how desperate your situation was, or did you hide it? We didn’t have to hide it. Beside having only one or two outfits, my brother and I had no outward appearance of being poor. Our interaction with our teachers was limited to the school and our mother never let us miss a day unless we were sick (even when we were on the street), so they had no idea that we were different from any of the other children. This was true when we lived in the city. When we moved back to live with my grandmother, we lived in a small, remote town that couldn’t have had more than eight or nine hundred people. It was difficult to keep our poverty a secret in a town that small. One of my teachers knew that we were poor and was always looking for a reason to intervene and have my brother and I taken by Protective Services. Nothing came of it. > [@](#): > > What was it like trying to have friends and socialize with this going on in your home life? It wasn’t difficult. I had sleep-overs at their house. Spent time in their bedroom, playing with their toys, watching their television. Their parents were very understanding of my situation, and were more than happy to play host. My friends were too young to be judgemental. If my poverty had continued into highschool, it would have been an entirely different situation, I imagine. > [@](#): > > What exactly was your living situation? Did you sleep in a car? On friends’ couches? Benches? In a car and at friends’ houses. We spent an entire year sleeping on the floor of a friend’s one bedroom apartment. We didn’t sleep at homeless shelters very often because they were very intimidating places, especially to young children, and my brother would cry and whimper through the entire night and it was impossible to sleep well when surrounded by so many people. Only slept outside once. > [@](#): > > What do you do now and what are your plans for the next five years? I’ve already mentioned what I do, but my plans are pretty up in the air right now. I might go to graduate school. Might get a job after graduating. I’m not sure. > [@](#): > > Do you think your future ambitions are less feasible for you than for others, based on your background? I am very fortunate to be attending college. I’m where I’m at now because I got lucky, and it could’ve very easily gone a different way. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/19 "2010-02-06T12:32:10Z")
You weren’t poor you were destitute. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897/20 "2010-02-06T15:27:28Z")
Did your family for some reason not qualify for Social Security benefits? According to the US Gov, the average amount paid monthly per child for the children of deceased workers was $542. That would’ve been over $1000/month for you and your sibling, plus whatever your mother would get. StG [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-me-what-its-like-to-be-poor/527897.md?page=2)