# Ask Miss Nym\* **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2001, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259 "2001-07-30T19:12:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/21 "2001-07-30T21:44:31Z")
Are you still having sex dreams about me? The one that involved the yo-yo and the crowded movie theatre? Zebra ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/22 "2001-07-30T21:45:37Z")
Dear Miss Nym, What’s in it for me? Yours, ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/23 "2001-07-30T22:14:45Z")
Dear **Nymy** , If I wanted to find your G-spot and multiple-O-spot all in one thrust, how many pillows should I use? Tenderly,[ul] **Think** [/ul] [sub]And after I find said spot, could we go shoe shopping, get some pizza then lay in bed for the rest of the day?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/24 "2001-07-30T22:39:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\*How does the resident superhero and stand-up comedian of the board get the lovely Miss Nym to develop a crush on him? \*\* Dear Superdude, Miss Nym is very close with her affections. Miss Nym might be persuaded to speak to a superhero, were she properly introduced to one. After that, a period of gifts lavished does wonders for a young superhero’s chances. However, Miss Nym has never “developed a crush” on anyone. How gauche. Miss Nym has suitors, and on occasion these suitors are allowed to squire her about. Just remember, Superdude, there’s a difference between admiring a lovely young lady and stalking her. I hope that has not been you outside my window these past few nights. Points given for being man enough to wear tights. Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tygr_ > \*_Dear Miss Nym_ > > Would you like to step over here and show me exactly how “the beast with two fronts” is made? May I possibly nibble on your “perfect, shell-like ears” while you do so? \*\*[sub]That description is driving me crazy…[/sub] \*\* > > - A properly obsequious Tygr\*\* Dear Tygr, Again, Miss Nym does not go out of her way to demonstrate sexual practices. If one cannot have enough imagination to properly picture “the beast with two fronts” one cannot hope to stimulate the interest of Miss Nym. However, points for “obsequious” have been given. Please feel free to try again after you have written a 10,000 word essay on exactly what you would do to make the “beast with two fronts.” Feel free to mention all of my attractive parts, starting with the ears. Use big words, Tygr. \ Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Nen_ > \\*\*Please notice the subtle difference in the object of the implied superlative . Please notice the mutually exclusive nature of the superlative coexistants. Shagging does not equate with shoe shopping. > > To all readers: you may wish to carefully evaluate the response to your inquiries in light of this dichotomy (and perverse notion of importance).\*\*\ Dearest Nen, If you’re so smart, why don’t you get your own column? Apparently, Miss Nym _equates_ shagging with shoe shopping. Perhaps in Miss Nym’s world, one is always followed by the other. Or, perhaps, done at the same time. Haven’t you ever heard of foreplay? Points taken off for doltish nit-picking given in lieu of flirting. Love, Miss Nym ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/25 "2001-07-30T22:56:18Z")
Dear Miss Nym, How do you feel about difficult stains? Not “What do I do about difficult stains”, but “_How_ do you feel about them”? Also, I am thinking of joining some kind of club. What kind of club should I join? Yours, Theophilus P Wildebeast ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/26 "2001-07-30T23:06:02Z")
With all the talk about it on this thread, I’d like to know what you think, What _is_ sex? ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/27 "2001-07-30T23:20:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manservant Hecubus \* > \*\*Dear Miss Nym, > > I am moving out of the house, heading on the road to being a bachelor again. My question is: How long will it take to get all the stray Ex’s hair out of all my clothes? I don’t want to be pulling her hair out of my underwear a few months later. Please do not ask how it got there. \*\* Dear Manservant, Miss Nym would first of all like to wish you many good things on this next chapter of your life. Divorce can be a GOOD thing! Miss Nym should know. Every time Miss Nym gets divorced it opens up whole new worlds of opportunity. But, on to the question. Miss Nym knows the secret to female hairs. Women can shed on command, MH. No, no, I know it’s shocking, but it’s true. This is the way the female of the species marks her territory (except in certain situations, ref: Rasa). It’s much like peeing in the corners of the bedroom, but lasts a lot longer. The best option you have is to burn everything she might have touched. Burn the clothes, the sheets…might as well burn the house, while you’re there. Then, in a grand burst of new bachelorhood, buy all new stuff. Preferably on joint credit cards. When you have done all this, declare bankruptcy. That bitch won’t get a dime. Unless, of course, your name is Hamish, in which case, I love you, honey, and I don’t know WHAT he was doing hanging from the bedroom ceiling. Take me back? Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Rasa_ > **MissNym still hasn’t answered my question about borrowing her shoes.** Dear Rasa, Miss Nym would NEVER loan out her shoes. Miss Nym can scarcely believe that anyone could even FIT into her perfect size 6. However, if you beat Nen in the wrestling contest, your token of esteem will be a pair of Miss Nym shoes! A perfectly serviceable, still in good condition, hopelessly SO last season pair of shoes! Good luck to you, Rasa! Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Zebra_ > **Are you still having sex dreams about me? > The one that involved the yo-yo and the crowded movie theatre? > Zebra** Dearest cuddle-buns, Hamish, honey, I TOLD you we could work this out. Please, just call me, okay? Just call. Call me. Please? Love, Snooky-ookums ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/28 "2001-07-31T00:10:27Z")
**Rasa,** my dear, the physical contrast I referenced pertained to mass, although one could perceive that contrast anatomically as well, I suppose. No, it’s not the size, then again, that’s not the mass I referred to. Nonetheless, if we were to endeavor to indulge in this matter of contact, well… **Miss Nym,** I have a question for you. I have this friend who seems to have their priorities seriously askew. Said person seems to believe that a given amount of time perusing footwear is comparable to the same amount of time spent in carnal bliss. I’m sure you must agree with me that debauched ecstasy is the obvious choice between the two given you hedonistic bent. How shall I help this dear, close (and hopefully closer) friend of mine? Signed, Anonymous-Nen ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/29 "2001-07-31T00:47:26Z")
of questions, i have two. 1. do you know the difference between big wood and brush? 2. quanto para sexo? sincerely, as hamish as you want me to be ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/30 "2001-07-31T02:14:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\* > Dearest cuddle-buns, > Hamish, honey, I TOLD you we could work this out. Please, just call me, okay? Just call. Call me. Please? > > Love, > Snooky-ookums > > \*\* AHHHHHHH I losted my little black book (the one with your name and number on every page) and when I called national 411 and asked for the number to Nymysys they gave me John Ashcrofts phone number! [heavy sigh] I’ll guess I’ll have to yo-yo alone. Again. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/31 "2001-07-31T02:46:08Z")
Dear Miss Nym: I have traveled the land, scoured the seas (where I saw the lawyers and Pharisees [hypocrites that they are]), looked over and under, inside and out, gone second to the right and straight on 'til morning (almost got hit by a cannonball when I was wearing my green tights—don’t ask), to Coventry, to the seventh circle of Hell and back (Crazy Fenris said to say hello and he’s interested in your soul!), to the land of mighty **manhattan** and his kingdom of General Questions, to the legendary **Arnold Winkelried** , to the ever-popular (and ever ditzy) Marilyn vos Savant. Cecil has not graced me with his presence or an answer, but I attribute this to being so close to Baltimore, home of the Weirdos. I have asked old and young alike. Big and Tall, short, fat and ugly, bespectacled, mustachioed, cheerioed, bearded and waxed. I have asked streetwoman and maiden, stud and sexual rookie. King nor queen nor CPA has held the answer to this seemingly-easy question. It requires, on the outside, only a cursory knowledge of the English language and the ability to count, which I guess is lost on some people (1, 2, 5—wait, 3!). Now I come to you, after years—nay, decades of searching the lands of the earth. I pray that you may set my soul at rest (and my behind on a soft chair, because it’s been since the Eisenhower Administration and 40-odd years of standing up have taken their toll on my keyster) and answer this one simple question. I do not want to fuck you or admire your shoes. I don’t want to be cool like you (I prefer being warm. Hell was so very much fun). I have no desire, quite frankly, to find out what’s in Euty or how you consider shoe-shopping to be a form of foreplay. I have never known what AAN is and as far as I’m concerned it can remain a mystery, along with “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” My question to you, therefore, is this: What is the third -gry word? ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/32 "2001-07-31T05:08:43Z")
Hiya, Nymsy!! Still want that horseshoe? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/33 "2001-07-31T06:11:21Z")
Dear Miss Nym: What’s the best way to proposition a woman? ---
**Author:** ![MamaHen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MamaHen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MamaHen)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/34 "2001-07-31T06:27:48Z")
Dear Miss Nym, You never answer my questions, it’s my breath isn’t it? I should brush more don’t cha think? OK on to more important things, I am 28, a mother of two and married with a boyfriend. Oh wait there’s actually no question involved I just wanted to brag. Speaking of bragging, it’s been overread in chat that you have perfect feet, but I read on the bathroom wall that you really needed to attack them tootsies with a nail file. I believe it was Rasa’s handwriting but don’t hold me to that because it might have been Virtee pretending to be Rasa, I am convinced he does that. And while we are on the subject of toe nails, what’s this season’s hottest toe color? Your fan in CA ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/35 "2001-07-31T08:29:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \* > \*\*Dear Miss Nym, > > What’s in it for me? > > Yours, \*\* Dear Euty, This is a very serious question. So serious, Miss Nym needed to take to the all-powerful WWW for a little help. This is what I found. \*\*What’s in it for me? You are right to reject a religion that is a list of dos and do nots, or a gathering of sour-faced, finger-pointing people who think they are better than everyone else. Jesus would reject it too. Anything Jesus is involved in frees people. It is powerful, supernatural and full of life. People reject Christianity on the basis of an outsider’s glance, like a little boy who is sure he will always hate kissing girls. Knowing Jesus is more wonderful than those who have not experienced it could dream. All longing is a longing for Jesus, discovered someone enjoying the greatest adventure. The love, excitement, challenge, satisfaction and understanding we crave are found in the One who made us. The Christian spiritual experience, Jesus declared, is like buried treasure. Millions walk passed it, never suspecting the wonders that lie below the surface. Anyone who makes the discovery, however, would eagerly trade for it everything they had previously treasured, like trading plastic for diamonds. To try describing the benefits of having Jesus in your life sounds as hollow and self-centered as listing receiving a gold ring as a benefit of marrying the most wonderful person. It is like cutting up the most beautiful, priceless flower and offering the separate parts for sale. And it sounds just too good to be believable. This is to be expected. We were made to enjoy the God who made us. So it is hardly surprising that a relationship with him will fulfill our deepest longing. But it still sounds too good to be true. \*\* It was either that or Faith Hill lyrics. I chose the lesser of the two demons. Love (and some really shitty analogies), Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by thinksnow_ > \*\*Dear Nymy, > If I wanted to find your G-spot and multiple-O-spot all in one thrust, how many pillows should I use? > Tenderly, > Think > > And after I find said spot, could we go shoe shopping, get some pizza then lay in bed for the rest of the day?\*\* Dear think, In the interest of science, love, Miss Nym thinks that experimentation would be the way to go. We would not want to miss the preferred number of pillows, nor would too few pillows do. Heavens, no. Miss Nym thinks you should NEVER shirk on doing a job to the VERY best of your abilities. Also, once said spot is found, Miss Nym is a believer on making sure that the spot is never, ever, EVER forgotten. Ever. In your life. Which would take repeated…um…sightings, one would think. However, why in the world would you use pillows to thrust with? Don’t you have anything more appropriate at your disposal? Love, Miss Nym ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/36 "2001-07-31T12:48:03Z")
Dear Miss Nym: Are you currently accepting apprentices? Robin ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/37 "2001-07-31T13:48:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > **Dear think, > In the interest of science, love, Miss Nym thinks that experimentation would be the way to go. We would not want to miss the preferred number of pillows, nor would too few pillows do. … However, why in the world would you use pillows to thrust with? Don’t you have anything more appropriate at your disposal?** If you’re looking for testers, where does the line start? Oh, and I think the pillows are for propping up certain … parts… so that the proper angle can be attained. Or so I’m told. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/38 "2001-07-31T13:51:34Z")
Dear Miss Nym, Who will drink this cup for me? ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/39 "2001-07-31T14:25:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\* > Dear Superdude, > Miss Nym is very close with her affections. Miss Nym might be persuaded to speak to a superhero, were she properly introduced to one. After that, a period of gifts lavished does wonders for a young superhero’s chances. However, Miss Nym has never “developed a crush” on anyone. How gauche. Miss Nym has suitors, and on occasion these suitors are allowed to squire her about. > > Just remember, Superdude, there’s a difference between admiring a lovely young lady and stalking her. I hope that has not been you outside my window these past few nights. > > Points given for being man enough to wear tights. > > Love, > Miss Nym\*\* Dearest **Miss Nym** , My name is **Superdude**. As self-appointed protector and champion for the SDMB’s inhabitants (both on the board and IRL), I feel it is my duty to formally introduce myself. I hope that everyone can sleep a little easier knowing that I am on the job, so to speak. And, my dear **Miss Nym** , if it appeared that I was stalking you, I apologize. I was only flying through the city, making sure all was safe. But my carefully honed instincts told me that I should pay special attention to your window. After all, doesn’t every superhero need a lady love? A Lois Lane to his Superman, a Mary Jane Watson to his Spider-Man? It was merely an attempt to get the beautiful **Miss Nym** to notice me, and appreciate my concern for her safety. And I am secure enough in my masculinity to wear tights. Yours, **Superdude** ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259/40 "2001-07-31T20:25:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Francesca \* > \*\*Dear Miss Nym, > > How do you feel about difficult stains? Not “What do I do about difficult stains”, but “_How_ do you feel about them”? > > Also, I am thinking of joining some kind of club. What kind of club should I join? > > Yours, > > Theophilus P Wildebeast \*\* Dear…uh…Theophilus, Miss Nym feels differently about different types of stains. “Difficult” is really such a vague word. Some stains may be hard to remove, but pleasurable to make. Others may just scare the neighbors. Now that Miss Nym thinks about it, the above could still be the same situation. No matter. Next question. As for a club, may I suggest the Miss Nym Fan Club? One always wants to choose a club wisely. You will invariably be known by the company you keep, Miss…uh…Theophilus. And what better company to keep than with others that love Miss Nym? I’ll send you a “Miss Nym Loves ME!” bumper sticker, and you mull it over, darling. Remember, loving Miss Nym makes you 42% more attractive to the opposite sex, plus certifies you will be married and driving a Volvo in two years! Satisfaction guaranteed!\* Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by imthjckaz_ > **With all the talk about it on this thread, I’d like to know what you think, What _is_ sex?** Dear imthjckaz, So would I, love. The last time Miss Nym had coital relations with a partner, we were still spelling it “secks.” The definition of sex these days would involve a nice tub and the Purple Monster, followed by a lovely fig cake. Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by essvee_ > \*\*of questions, i have two. > > 1. do you know the difference between big wood and brush? > > 2. quanto para sexo? > > sincerely, as hamish as you want me to be\*\* Dear essvee, 1)The difference is that brush fires burn out, but big wood keeps burning on. A nice metaphor at that. 1. Get in line, buddy. Miss Nym’s social calendar is getting mighty booked. Miss Nym thinks she might have to start asking for tokens of affection just to walk into this thread. Dancing girls? Sparklies? Actually, a nice fig cake would do beautifully right now. Love, Miss Nym > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by iampunha_ > **Dear Miss Nym, \ What is the third -gry word?** Dear iampunha, Miss Nym is not one to go where the Great One has gone before. As you well know, being an old-school young’un such as yourself, He Who Must Be Obeyed has covered this, not to mention every two-bit comic on the boards. Miss Nym only answers questions that pertain to etiquette, sex, shoes and other related topics. Listen to Our Fearless Leader when he speaks, for he speaks sooth, and all will go well for you. If The Exalted One saw you driving this into the dirt, he would be sad, and we don’t like making Big Daddy sad, do we? Sarcasm makes the baby Cecil cry. Love, Miss Nym [sub]\*Satisfaction is in the eye of the beholder. Satisfaction in no way guaranteed. The views of Miss Nym are not necessarily those of this board, the Chicago Reader, Cecil Adams or any other person on the planet. Que sera sera. [/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-miss-nym/74259.md?page=3)