# Ask/Talk To the Hotel Night Clerk **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 18, 2002, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571 "2002-07-18T07:32:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/21 "2002-07-18T10:37:47Z")
Our breakfast consists of biscuits and gravy, french toast, white or wheat breat for toast or sandwiches, bagels, three different cereals, doughnuts, danishes, sometimes we have apple fritters, oranges and bananas, instant oatmeal, 2% and fat-free milk, ice water, orange and apple juice, peeled hard-boiled eggs, sliced ham on busy nights, and yogurt. Most people really enjoy it, when they don’t see the sweaty guy preparing it (the little pantry room we have to work in has three industrail freezers, an oven, and poor ventelation. By the time I’m finished with breakfast, I look like Robin Williams after the Viagra bit.) ---
**Author:** ![Mooney252](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7c8e57/32.png) [@Mooney252](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooney252)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/22 "2002-07-18T11:09:45Z")
I’ve been to Lewiston/Clarkson twice: once to play golf and just loll about town; once to take the jet boats up the Snake River for an overnighter. Tell us about the petroglyphs? Also – what would be the best bike tour? ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/23 "2002-07-18T11:52:13Z")
I’ll get back to you, Mooney. I have to start breakfast now. I’ll be back on when I get home or tomorrow night at work. Thanks for helping me pass the time, everyone. It’s a big help! ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/24 "2002-07-18T12:08:28Z")
Ha ha! We’ve got breakfast people to do the setup. All I have to do is get the sausage gravy and the cinammon buns started. (I do some other things too to help out, but don’t _have_ to!) OK. Weird encounters. One night, while I was working at a different hotel. I glanced outside and saw a couple in the jacuzzi. Technically, they’re not supposed to be in their at 2 am, but I figured I’d let it slide. Looked out a bit later, and saw only one head. “That’s peculiar,” thinks I, “I wonder where the guy is?” I take a more careful look, and see that the woman’s head is laid back on the edge of the jacuzzi, as if she’s asleep. Not a good thing. So I step outside, and as I walk the thirty feet or so, I find out where the guy is. He’s submerged and going down on the young lady. I walk to within a few feet of the jacuzzi, do a complete 360 of the jacuzzi, all the while marvelling at this man’s ability to stay down for so long. “Excuse me,” I say. The woman gasps and (apparently) squeezes. The man surfaces (anybody ever see _Hunt For Red October_? You get the picture) Once the man recovers his breath, I tell them that I understand the impulse, but I do have to ask them to get out of the jacuzzi. After all, they are in plain view of 100 rooms. “Can’t we have ten more minutes?” “No, I’m afraid not” “How about fi…” “No.” “Okay, we’re getting out” I withdraw so that they can get themselves back together, and go back to the door after about five minutes. They’re still in there, and she’s now on top of him. Hmm, thinks I. I pick up the evidence camera, a Polaroid, and step out again. Ahh, the expression on their faces. It’s a pity I didn’t have any film in the camera. No more trouble from _that_ pair. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/25 "2002-07-18T12:22:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by galen ubal \* > **…another member of the International Night Shift Auditors Network** Bahahahahahah!!! **INSAN** hehe 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/26 "2002-07-18T13:32:07Z")
yeah, too bad it’s not the International Night Shift Auditors’ Network of England. You see, Galen, we save a lot of salary money by having me do the breakfast and not overlapping the shifts. That way, the hotel cuts three hours of the breakfast lady’s shift, and the breakfast still starts at 6. I wouldn’t be doing anything, anyway, so I don’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/27 "2002-07-18T13:41:32Z")
Call it the International Night Shift Auditors NEtwork, then, which is what I meant to do in the first place. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/28 "2002-07-18T13:43:35Z")
Do nervous young couples still register as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith?” ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/29 "2002-07-18T13:48:01Z")
‘Fraid not - at least not in this neck o’ the woods. That reminds me, though; we get _very_ careful on prom nights to check ID’s and make sure everyone checking in is eighteen. It’s a pain in the neck, but having witnessed the Angry Parent rant, it’s better that way. Of course, often the _parent_ rents the room for their little darlings…I’m getting too old for this world, I think. ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/30 "2002-07-18T13:50:02Z")
You don’t need England - it works fine as is: **I** nternational **N** ight **S** hift **A** uditors’ **NE** twork 😃 (my brother, **tpayne** here on the SDMB, was a member of this fine group shortly after he graduated from college.) ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/31 "2002-07-18T13:51:43Z")
galen - I type (and code) too slow - you beat me to it. ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_D\_oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jane\_D\_oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_D_oh)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/32 "2002-07-18T14:00:53Z")
**Lsura** I put myself through school doing night audit for three years. The schedule worked really well for me. Once I finished the audit (between 2 & 3 am) The time was mine. I studied (a lot) and had a great time. As for stories, man oh man. Ic ould tell you about the time I was robbed, ot the time one of our divers went nuts and smashed all the mirrors in the lobby and the glass entrance doors before the police came and took him away. I could tell you about our death room.(Three people died inthat room in about one year.) We would check really annoying and not nice guests into that room, just hoping… Anyway, as for you guys currently working the night audit jobs, if ya ever move to Chicago and you want a job, as long as you show up for work every night, you got a job here!!! Oh and **Eve** nervous young couples would only register as Mr. & Mrs. John Smith if that was in fact their name. (Credit cards or ID checks pretty much preclude falsifying names, usually.) ---
**Author:** ![Jane\_D\_oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jane\_D\_oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jane_D_oh)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/33 "2002-07-18T14:02:07Z")
I mean one of out drivers, not divers, yeesh! ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/34 "2002-07-18T14:08:25Z")
**lawoot** , your heart’s in the right place, though your fingers (apparently) are not. 😉 Mind you, not all things that happen on a shift are good, and some are downright tragic. One morning, at my previous place, the security guard called me and told me that there was a fellow asleep in the back of a minivan over by employee parking. I asked him to knock on the windows and check on the guy, and ask him to move along. The guard called back, and told me that it looked like the man was holding a shotgun on his chest as he slept. The windows were heavily tinted, but it was pretty obvious. I told him to back off, keep an eye on the minivan, and I’d call the cops to come out and check out the guy. The cop arrives, I go out there with the guard to show him the minivan. As soon as the cop shone(g?) his flashlight in at the guy, it was obvious that he was dead. He was holding a .22 rifle snuggled up to his chest, and had shot himself under the chin. The tinting on the back window had prevented it from coming apart. A little research showed that the man was an 18 year old from Michigan. His family had reported him missing and possibly suicidal due to a breakup with his girlfriend. He was not checked into the hotel; apparently he had pulled off the interstate, parked, and shot himself. I’m not sure how long he had been there, but it was no more than a day and a half. Gave me the heebies for a month straight; I kept thinking if I had just noticed something, maybe I could have prevented it. ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/35 "2002-07-18T14:36:30Z")
I hope my hotel turns out more like Fawlty Towers and less like the Bates’ motel. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/36 "2002-07-19T07:27:23Z")
On a lighter note… There’s a 'possum by the pool tonight - actually, she’s\* been around for a while, now. One of those critters that is so ugly, it’s cute. She seems fat and healthy, and properly afraid of people, so I guess I’ll let her stay. \*No, I haven’t gotten any closer than five feet, nor are my eyes _that_ good; I noticed tonight she’s got a paunch - probably carrying young 'uns in her pouch. I don’t think the males do that. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/37 "2002-07-19T08:10:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Babar714 \* > \*\*Ask me questions about the hotel industry (my part of it, anyway), Star Wars trivia, the Lewiston/Clarkston area, or just what the hell ever you have on your mind this late at night. Shoot! (please) \*\* Do you get a lot of Lewis & Clark jokes from tourists? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/38 "2002-07-19T12:50:45Z")
I don’t know if being a night auditor would help you answer this one, but why do hotel/motel bathrooms almost never have exhaust fans? Things can get just as stinky in there as they can in the bathroom at home. ---
**Author:** ![WV\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@WV\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WV_Woman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571/39 "2002-07-19T23:34:45Z")
My husband is a night auditor … until August 1st anyway. I feel your pain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-talk-to-the-hotel-night-clerk/119571.md?page=1)