# Ask the 35 Year Old who has for a year now (and counting) been Dating a Teenager **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547 "2010-08-17T18:13:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/201 "2010-08-21T05:48:35Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > \ > [HIJACK] > > I’ve found this board to harbor a rather odd combination of sexually liberal and sexually prudish attitudes. Or strikes _me_ as rather odd at any rate. Most social environments gravitate towards a community standard somewhere on a continuum between “anything goes between consenting adults” and “anything other than relegating sex to post-marital couples of the standard one male one female variety is suspect”; but in here almost no one has any concerns about porn, many would decriminalize or legalize prostitution, BDSM gets a thumbs up, gay marriage is strongly supported, and casual sex without love or emotional connection is approved fun… but you hit little unexpected pockets of disapproval, suspicion, and condemnation in various places, some of them imbued with paternalistic attitudes towards children (or adults young enough to be a given poster’s child), some of them reflecting a contemptuous cynicism towards any lifestyle or pattern that seems to hint of insufficient responsibility and obligation-fulfillment, and quite a few just “eww, that’s different = weird = gross and disgusting”. > > [/HIJACK] I’ve been wondering for a while now if things like having a drinking age of 21 is contributing to the continued juvenilization of young adults in the US, and if we’re seeing that in some attitudes in this thread. I can’t remember if I said this before in this thread and don’t feel like looking, but the age of adulthood for everything in Alberta is 18 (and the age of consent even younger). I don’t see anything wrong with an 18 year old dating a 35 year old, if the two people involved are good with it. Most people do date within their age range for a number of reasons, but the only people who know what works for them is the two people in the relationship. **Aw Hamburgers!** , you’re entitled to your own feelings of course, but I don’t see the age difference between 27 and 18 as a huge one; I wouldn’t think twice about meeting a couple like that. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/202 "2010-08-21T13:54:39Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Ya rly? Something saying that among girls of high school age (16-18) who have children, most are impregnated by fathers above high school age suggests that it’s not uncommon for young girls to bang old dudes? Interesting theory. Well, sure. We old dudes know to pull out. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/203 "2010-08-21T14:45:47Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > And yet, [it appears](http://www.questia.com/googleScholar.qst;jsessionid=MnkKlHRBTTqpNnpGRTSYzXzwsqjFyh94nHq2MV37xl5CN5yWflJn!-121403767!1856439092?docId=5000177808) the average Justin Bieber fancier may not be quite as discerning as you: Causing the most pregnancies doesn’t necessarily mean having the most or even a super significant amount of sex with. Three things off the top of my head I can think of to account for a lot of pregnancies (these aren’t claims of validity, just potential): 1. Pressure from the man to forgo condom use. 2. Willingness from the woman to forgo birth control because he’s “settled” or “will take care of her.” 3. Decision not to abort because of 2. Well, and I’ll throw in a 4 1. People involved in these sorts of relationships might be extremely stupid. Against, these aren’t necessarily true. They are just ways in which causing pregnancy might be because of something else other than sheer frequency of sex. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/204 "2010-08-21T15:04:36Z")
I’m so used to seeing May-December relationships that I always forget it can be controversial in the West. Another reason I avoid the West. (For the record, I am only 2 years older than my Thai wife, and we are both in our 50s.) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/205 "2010-08-21T15:55:51Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Against, these aren’t necessarily true. They are just ways in which causing pregnancy might be because of something else other than sheer frequency of sex. If you have better numbers, I’m all ears. Er… eyes. [QUOTE=Mean Old Lady] Ya rly? Something saying that among girls of high school age (16-18) who have children, most are impregnated by fathers above high school age suggests that it’s not uncommon for young girls to bang old dudes? Interesting theory. [/QUOTE] That goes for you, too. Rargh. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/206 "2010-08-21T16:03:03Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Well, and I’ll throw in a 4 > > 1. People involved in these sorts of relationships might be extremely stupid. Or, as the linked article suggests, are likely victims of abuse. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/207 "2010-08-21T22:00:21Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > > [@jsgoddess](#): > > > > Against, these aren’t necessarily true. They are just ways in which causing pregnancy might be because of something else other than sheer frequency of sex. > > If you have better numbers, I’m all ears. Er… eyes. No dog in the fight. I don’t think it’s possible for me to care less. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2010, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/208 "2010-08-22T01:04:06Z")
I don’t care either, and coming up with numbers was never the point; I just think it’s funny. Some guy says because high school girls can legally fuck old people at a certain age, it’s a fair assumption that it’s “not uncommon” that their partners would be old dudes and young alike. Then I say, “Not so much. Just because they can fuck old people doesn’t mean they do. It seems to me people usually keep it within their general age range.” Then comes Captain Google with a link that says high school girls who are pregnant, on average, conceive from fathers whose age is almost four years their senior. Let that marinate for a moment. … Done? Then it goes on to suggest the age differences between teen mothers and their partners is likely due to sexual abuse… and that was supposed to refute something, I guess. Good show. Seriously now, if it turns out that age has little to do with people’s sexual partners, and it’s not uncommon for people to have sexual partners of all ages, especially teenagers, I’d be glad to know. It’s always appeared to me, though, that people tend to stick with people similar to them, and I don’t think necessarily because of any particular effort, but because that’s just the way things shake out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/209 "2010-08-22T03:48:39Z")
I’d say it’s likely from a _lack_ of effort, if anything - you date the people you encounter in your life - co-workers, friends, friends of friends, online site people, people you meet in bars, whatever. I’m sure there are young people who seek out much older people, but I think most young people dating older people just fell into the relationship. ETA: Re-reading, I realize I’m agreeing with what you’ve already said, **MeanOldLady**. Let’s just say I’m expanding on your point. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/210 "2010-08-22T16:52:07Z")
Dan Savage has something he calls [‘the campsite rule’](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love#.22Campsite_rule.22) - leave her better than you found her. Meaning that you can teach her things like personal finance just by the fact she’ll probably ask you for advice at some point, or you can help her find what works for her sexually so she won’t end up a 35 year old housewife who has never had an orgasm or one of a bajillion other situations. ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/211 "2010-08-23T13:24:03Z")
Last year I fell in love with a woman 10 years younger than me. We were 42 and 32 at the time and both divorced, so we don’t have your issues. She lived half a world away, so we spent months just talking and fell in love before we even met in person. On paper, we have absolutely zero in common. She’s an army nurse, no college degree, of a different race, and I’m a lawyer/CPA–just to mention some of it. But as soon as we met in person, we decided to get married, and we are ridiculously happy. The 10-year difference is significant only in that we don’t share a lot of cultural references, but that’s easy to get past, and even is a good source of conversation. The bigger difference turned out to be the difference in education/experience. I’m pretty well-educated in the traditional sense, and she has zero interest in all that. But I discovered that one cool side-effect, is that regarding technology, she is awesome, waaaay beyond me. So my question: Is she way more proficient than you with tech stuff? And good luck. You seem like a very sane guy. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2010, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/212 "2010-08-24T05:04:50Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > **bienville** , I do have a question: Will you be bummed out when she turns 20 and you no longer get to tell everybody you’re “dating a teenager”? Couldn’t tell if this was snark or not. Subject matter sounds like snark, but it’s worded in a non-snarky manner, so I’ll assume no intended snark. Nope, won’t be bummed. I’m dating her and she _happens to be_ a teenager. I’m not dating her _because_ she is a teenager. Actually, looking forward to her being 21- to ease going out for music at 21+ venues (not that it is to be assumed we’ll still be together when she’s 21, nor is it assumed that we won’t be). The month before her 19th birthday, there was a little bit of joking back and forth of “only another month/two weeks/one week of dating an 18 year old”- but joking is all it ever was. > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I’ve been wondering for a while now if things like having a drinking age of 21 is contributing to the continued juvenilization of young adults in the US It does seem like having a legal drinking age that is not synced with legal age of adulthood is troublesomely inconsistent, and I’ve thought of starting a GD Thread on this very topic. > [@kushiel](#): > > Dan Savage has something he calls [‘the campsite rule’](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love#.22Campsite_rule.22) - leave her better than you found her. I like this. I was not familiar with any of Dan Savage’s writing. Thank you for introducing me to it. > [@Flipshod](#): > > So my question: Is she way more proficient than you with tech stuff? > > And good luck. You seem like a very sane guy. Thanks for the wish of good luck, and the generous appraisal of my sanity! She’s way more tech proficient than I am, I touched on it a bit when another poster asked about generational gaps. It’s not just a matter of comparing _skill_ at tech stuff, it’s that she, in a way, doesn’t think of computers, the internet, Blackberry loaded with apps, any of this- she doesn’t think of it as being something _outside_ herself. She grew up with the internet, it is so sewn together with her experience of reality. For me, it is a separate and distinct “thing”, some aspects of which I make use of, and other aspects I am either unskilled at or not interested in. For her, it’s just something that’s always been. Thanks to everyone who took interest in this Thread! ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2011, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/213 "2011-07-03T21:15:41Z")
Sorry if this is old enough to be considered a zombie thread, but I was wondering if we could get an update on this. It’s almost a year old, which means you should be coming up on your 2-year anniversary by now. Are you still together? Is she in her 20s yet? Does she still live with her parents? ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/214 "2011-07-05T00:12:31Z")
I’m interested to know how this is working out as well. As for the technically minded post, I’m 34 and never felt technology was ‘outside’ me, I’ve always had computers and technology around as I grew up. ---
**Author:** ![ninosyl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@ninosyl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninosyl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/215 "2012-02-19T15:50:35Z")
In years past, historical data (Bible included), did not make a big hoopla about age differences. It’s the spiritual and moral issues that were focused on. So, this thread is far too much to dwell on. ---
**Author:** ![Dan\_Norder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dan\_Norder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dan_Norder)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/216 "2012-02-19T16:51:32Z")
> [@ninosyl](#): > > So, this thread is far too much to dwell on. You revived a dead thread to say it’s too much to dwell on? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/217 "2012-02-19T20:54:36Z")
The teenager of 2010 is an old woman of 20 now. A virtual hag. Let the poor crone rest in peace. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/218 "2012-02-19T21:01:16Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > I’m interested to know how this is working out as well. > > As for the technically minded post, I’m 34 and never felt technology was ‘outside’ me, I’ve always had computers and technology around as I grew up. I for one am interested to know how EvilToJ’s romantic entanglements with his ‘inside him’ technology are working out. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/219 "2012-02-19T21:12:08Z")
> [@astro](#): > > The teenager of 2010 is an old woman of 20 now. A virtual hag. Let the poor crone rest in peace. 1. She was 18 when they met, but 19 when the thread was started. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547/220 "2012-02-19T21:35:51Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > 1. She was 18 when they met, but 19 when the thread was started. Even worse! Now she’s ALL used up…sagging breasts, loose crepey skin, face like catcher’s mitt, vagina loose as a wizard’s sleeve. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-35-year-old-who-has-for-a-year-now-and-counting-been-dating-a-teenager/550547.md?page=12)