# Ask the 50's Dad... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546 "2005-09-20T15:51:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/121 "2005-09-22T20:05:18Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad: > > Where do babies come from? I asked Mom while she was vacuuming, and she told me to ask you. > > Regards, > Shodan Dear **Shodan** , Go ask your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/122 "2005-09-22T20:07:59Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > I just finished playing soccer with my friends. I am still worried about the fact that there are so many red Chinese. What if they ever develop the bomb? Hell, how do we know that they haven’t gotten it already from the Russians? You know that you can’t trust a commie. Dear **Adam** _Soccer_, son? _ **Soccer** _? Listen, sport, you’ll never improve your ball game as long as your wasting time playing soccer. Now, listen: I hate to do this, but you need to go to your room for a while and think this over. See you at dinner, son. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/123 "2005-09-22T20:09:18Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Soccer? _Soccer?_ My boy, I’m sure 50’s Dad would agree that that’s not the right kind of sport for a manly AMERICAN boy! They wear those fruity shorts and get _penalized_ if they tackle each other! Why not strap on a helmet and some padding, go out for a pass, and play _real_ **football,** as God intended? Dear **Unsigned** , My sentiments exactly. You’re a fine young man, and I’m glad we see eye-to-eye on this. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/124 "2005-09-22T20:31:47Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > > [@Beware of Doug](#): > > > > Dear 50’s Dad: > > > > Is this Billy guy a Commie? > > > > How about Adlai Stevenson? > > Dear Doug, > Yes, son. Both Communists. \ Don’t forget Dwight D. Eisenhower. At least according to that fine patriotic organization, all of whom play football and baseball, I’m sure, the John Birch Society. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/125 "2005-09-22T20:39:59Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Don’t forget Dwight D. Eisenhower. At least according to that fine patriotic organization, all of whom play football and baseball, I’m sure, the John Birch Society. Dear **Musicat** , Eisenhower a Communist, eh? Well, that’s a new one on **50’s Dad**! Why, those Birchers. What a bunch of cards they are. My goodness. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/126 "2005-09-22T20:44:27Z")
Dear 50s Dad: I’m a 12 year old girl. My mom and dad said I’m getting another brother or sister soon, but they sleep in separate beds and never drink out of the same cup, so how did my mom get pregnant? My friend Mary says you have to sleep together or share a cup of coffee to have a baby. And do I have to baby-sit? What if the baby’s a Commie? Can I give it up for adoption? Sincerely, Ethel D. Slough ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/127 "2005-09-22T21:08:00Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Dear **Musicat** , > Eisenhower a Communist, eh? Well, that’s a new one on **50’s Dad**! Why, those Birchers. What a bunch of cards they are. My goodness. Now, **50’s Dad,** you are starting to worry me. I had to travel into the future to get this quote: [http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/ohq/105.2/toy.html](http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/ohq/105.2/toy.html) …but the fact that you didn’t know that Eisenhower is a communist is revealing. How can we be sure YOU aren’t a Communist?? :eek: Better go out and play some ball to help shed yourself of any improper thoughts. Or maybe make a birdhouse in your woodworking shop. Then sit down, smoke a pipe, and watch some Ed Sullivan, George Burns, or Steve Allen with the little woman. Who aren’t Commies. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/128 "2005-09-22T22:02:47Z")
Dear 50’s Dad, At school today my teacher said that we should all try to get along. He said that even people in Russia want to be our friends if we just let them. When I called him a communist pinko trying to ruin our young minds, he sent me to the principal. The principal told me it would be ok, my teacher is just young and doesn’t know any better yet. What if somebody believed him? Should I tell my folks? Should I turn him in to the FBI? Should I gun him down in the hallway tomorrow? Should I announce over the PA at the football game tomorrow night that Mr. Tchavronostokovsky is a commie? Signed, All American High School Student ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/129 "2005-09-22T23:20:53Z")
> [@Elza B](#): > > Dear 50s Dad: > > I’m a 12 year old girl. My mom and dad said I’m getting another brother or sister soon, but they sleep in separate beds and never drink out of the same cup, so how did my mom get **pregnant**? My friend Mary says you have to sleep together or share a cup of coffee to have a baby. And do I have to baby-sit? What if the baby’s a Commie? Can I give it up for adoption? > > Sincerely, > > Ethel D. Slough Ethel, I don’t know who taught you that word, but it’s improper! Why, they can’t even say it on television! Everybody knows you’re supposed to say “in the family way.” And your Mom must’ve been at the public swimming pool. At least she’s a married lady, so she won’t get sent away, like my friend Pam at school did. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/130 "2005-09-23T02:10:58Z")
So what’s the track with this “Jackson” play, dad? You hear “Jackson”? All I never heard got that “Jackson” strand going, but maybe you dig it and would clue me in? (Or was that supposed to be the 40s?) ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/131 "2005-09-23T11:43:18Z")
> [@Elza B](#): > > Dear 50s Dad: > > I’m a 12 year old girl. My mom and dad said I’m getting another brother or sister soon, but they sleep in separate beds and never drink out of the same cup, so how did my mom get pregnant? My friend Mary says you have to sleep together or share a cup of coffee to have a baby. And do I have to baby-sit? What if the baby’s a Commie? Can I give it up for adoption? > > Sincerely, > > Ethel D. Slough Dear, **Ethel** , Go ask your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/132 "2005-09-23T11:50:01Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > Now, **50’s Dad,** you are starting to worry me. > > I had to travel into the future to get this quote: > > [http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/ohq/105.2/toy.html](http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/ohq/105.2/toy.html) > > …but the fact that you didn’t know that Eisenhower is a communist is revealing. How can we be sure YOU aren’t a Communist?? :eek: > > Better go out and play some ball to help shed yourself of any improper thoughts. Or maybe make a birdhouse in your woodworking shop. Then sit down, smoke a pipe, and watch some Ed Sullivan, George Burns, or Steve Allen with the little woman. Who aren’t Commies. Yet. Dear **Musicat** , Look, son, I know it’s east to get upset and excited when it comes to the red menace, but really. **50’s Dad** a Communist? Heh-heh. Why, if it weren’t for my placid temperment and easygoing nature, you might have landed yourself in hot water, son. Now listen: let’s try worrying less about me, and more about practicing your hitting. You’ll never make the Varisty team if you don’t practice. Oh. And, ah, try to lay off the science fiction, son. There you go. 'Atta boy! ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/133 "2005-09-23T14:07:24Z")
Dear 50’s Dad, All the cool guys in my school are greasing their hair back with what looks like more than just a little dab of Vitalis. What are they putting in their hair? And why do they call it a D.A.? When I ask them what the initials stand for, they won’t tell me. They just call me a square and laugh at me. I want to be cool too. Can you help me? Signed a square guy in Squaresville. P.S. Why do all the really cool guys wear leather? Is it some sort of secret club? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/134 "2005-09-23T14:30:50Z")
Dear 50’s Dad: My wonderful husband and I have been married for 1 year, 10 months and 3 days and we already have two wonderful children. I love both my wonderful husband and our wonderful two children, but sometimes I’m too tire to perform my wifely duties, and I do not think I could handle another wonderful baby right now. I know using “protection” is wrong. Do you know of anything I can put into my husband’s coffee that would make him less interested in…well, you know. Signed, Tired (but wonderful) wife and mother ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/135 "2005-09-23T15:59:05Z")
Dear **50’s Dad** , Your answers appear to follow a very predictable pattern. How can we tell if you are a real person or a just highly sophisiticated AI answer-bot? Sincerely, A. M. Turing ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/136 "2005-09-23T16:16:00Z")
Dear 50’s Dad, I hear people saying they should break up the Yankee’s because they win all the time, they even suggest there should be “Revenue sharing”??? That got to communist talk and code doesn’t it? I mean break up the Yankees must be commie code for destroying the USA. Also, will Mickey break Ruth’s records? Signed, Yours Sincerly Little George Steinbrenner. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/137 "2005-09-23T16:27:06Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad, > > At school today my teacher said that we should all try to get along. He said that even people in Russia want to be our friends if we just let them. When I called him a communist pinko trying to ruin our young minds, he sent me to the principal. The principal told me it would be ok, my teacher is just young and doesn’t know any better yet. What if somebody believed him? Should I tell my folks? Should I turn him in to the FBI? Should I gun him down in the hallway tomorrow? Should I announce over the PA at the football game tomorrow night that Mr. Tchavronostokovsky is a commie? > > Signed, > All American High School Student Dear **All American High School Student** , Well, now, son. Given the circumstances, I’d have to say _all of the above_. Rarely have I heard so obvious and example of Communismness. Way to go, son. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/138 "2005-09-23T16:29:35Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > So what’s the track with this “Jackson” play, dad? You hear “Jackson”? All I never heard got that “Jackson” strand going, but maybe you dig it and would clue me in? > > (Or was that supposed to be the 40s?) Dear **AHunter3** , Sorry, son, but if you want an answer, you’ll have to speak English. **50’s Dad** doesn’t speak “hipster”. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/139 "2005-09-23T16:31:27Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad, > > All the cool guys in my school are greasing their hair back with what looks like more than just a little dab of Vitalis. What are they putting in their hair? And why do they call it a D.A.? When I ask them what the initials stand for, they won’t tell me. They just call me a square and laugh at me. I want to be cool too. Can you help me? > > Signed > a square guy in Squaresville. > > P.S. Why do all the really cool guys wear leather? Is it some sort of secret club? Dear **Square** , Yess, as a matter of fact, it is a secret club. It’s called the _Future Convicts Club_\*. Remember, son, it’s not cool to get in trouble with the law. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/140 "2005-09-23T16:37:49Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad: > > My wonderful husband and I have been married for 1 year, 10 months and 3 days and we already have two wonderful children. I love both my wonderful husband and our wonderful two children, but sometimes I’m too tire to perform my wifely duties, and I do not think I could handle another wonderful baby right now. > > I know using “protection” is wrong. Do you know of anything I can put into my husband’s coffee that would make him less interested in…well, you know. > > Signed, > > Tired (but wonderful) wife and mother Dear **Tired** , Well, now. Your husband still goes to work even when he’s tired from a long evening playing Bridge and drinking scotch, right? Maybe you could hire a nanny - she can take care of some of the chores around the house that you’re too tired to do. Good luck! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546.md?page=8)