# Ask the 50's Dad... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546 "2005-09-20T15:51:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/141 "2005-09-23T16:45:07Z")
> [@Spiff](#): > > Dear **50’s Dad** , > > Your answers appear to follow a very predictable pattern. > > How can we tell if you are a real person or a just highly sophisiticated AI answer-bot? > > Sincerely, > > A. M. Turing Dear **Mr. Turing** , Would a sophisticated AI answer-bot send the FBI to pick up a certain _deviant_ named **Turing**? I didn’t think so. Oh! Is that your door-bell? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/142 "2005-09-23T17:38:50Z")
> [@jrfranchi](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad, > I hear people saying they should break up the Yankee’s because they win all the time, they even suggest there should be “Revenue sharing”??? > That got to communist talk and code doesn’t it? I mean break up the Yankees must be commie code for destroying the USA. > > Also, will Mickey break Ruth’s records? > > Signed, > Yours Sincerly > Little George Steinbrenner. Dear **George** , Remember: nobody likes a poorsport, son. Yes, the Yankees are a tough team to beat, but that’s not Communism at work, m’boy. That’s practice, dedication, and hard work. And _revenue sharing_? I don’t know about that, son. What does money have to do with baseball, really? Now listen, your mother’s about to put dinner on the table. Why don’t you go wash up and forget about _revenue sharing_ business. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/143 "2005-09-23T18:11:39Z")
Dear 50’s Dad, What does " Shacking Up" mean? Signed, Curious ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/144 "2005-09-23T18:14:24Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad, > > What does " Shacking Up" mean? > Signed, > > Curious Dear **Curious** , Shacking up is another expression meaning _living in sin_. The only people who shack up are beatnicks and chinamen. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/145 "2005-09-23T19:13:52Z")
Dear 50’s Dad: My mother always told me “Never let a boy kiss you, because that’s how you get in trouble.” Well, I have never let a boy kiss me (though we did some other stuff), and now I find I’m in the family way. I don’t go swimming or use public toilets, so how did it happen? Sweet 16 and never been kissed ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/146 "2005-09-23T19:17:23Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad: > > My mother always told me “Never let a boy kiss you, because that’s how you get in trouble.” Well, I have never let a boy kiss me (though we did some other stuff), and now I find I’m in the family way. I don’t go swimming or use public toilets, so how did it happen? > > Sweet 16 and never been kissed Dear **Sweet 16** , Go ask your mother. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/147 "2005-09-23T19:43:04Z")
Seems to me like we need to get **50’s Mom** in here pronto to do some ‘splainin’! ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/148 "2005-09-23T19:59:52Z")
Dear **50’s Dad** : What’s the deal with this Joe McCarthy guy? He says he’s got a big list of Communists in Washington and Hollywood but my dad says he’s a “drunken imbecile.” (I’m not sure what that means, 'cause I haven’t taken Latin yet, but he says that McCarthy is “going to get what’s coming to him.”) Also, my dad just bought a new Ford Falcon, which is pretty keen, but it has these straps in it called “seat belts.” My mom says I need to wear these whenever I’m in the car, but all of my friends think they’re stupid. What’s the deal with these things? And is Ipana “dandy for my teeth” like Bucky Beaver says it is? Oh, and when are we going to go to the Moon? My dad says we got a lot of good Nazi rocket scientists working on it and I’ll be able to go on vacation there after high school, just like Robert Heinlein writes about in _Boy’s Life_, but my mom says that’s just silly and I should forget about it and concentrate on becoming a doctor or accountant. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/149 "2005-09-23T20:29:35Z")
Dear 50’s Dad, My wife asked me in regards to marital duties, why is it the men end on such a high note ( If you know what I mean) and women don’t seem to have the same fulfillment as us guys? I asked my wife what she thought about while we exercised our marital rights. Her answer, " Gravy. Making a lump free gravy." Now, I got to admit her gravy recipe is better than my dear old departed mother’s, but I have to say my feelings are a bit hurt. Signed, Mr. X. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/150 "2005-09-24T04:42:55Z")
Dear 50s Dad: I asked my sister if she wanted ice cream and she said no. Is she a communist? Sincerely, Little Billy P.S. She didn’t know who Joseph McCarthy was, either. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2005, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/151 "2005-09-24T09:21:10Z")
Dear 50’s Dad My Uncle Gene says he’s heard that the Dodgers are going to leave Brooklyn for California. Is this a dirty Commie plot? or should I start rooting for a loyal New York team, like The Giants? yours Lil’ Buckie ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/152 "2005-09-24T12:23:51Z")
My son recently made a new friend named “Harry.” I’ve never met Harry, but from what I’ve put together from listening to my son on the phone, he’s also called “the big H” and has a horse and a monkey that likes to ride on his back. His favorite food seems to be cold turkey. I thought “Harry” was a boy, but I just heard my son refer to him as a “heroine.” That explains the missing money from my purse–My son has his first girlfriend, and needs the money to impress her. How do I let my son know that I’m aware of his girlfriend, and maybe he can invite Harry to dinner. I’ll even serve cold turkey. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2005, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/153 "2005-09-25T01:31:33Z")
Dear **50’s Dad** , I’m worried about the fate of this great country. President Eisenhower never seems to be in Washington D.C. doing anything to protect us against Communism. Instead, he’s always out on a golf course somewhere. Who’s running the country while the President is playing golf? Isn’t it true that golf isn’t even a real American game? Wasn’t it invented by some foreigner, not like good old made-in-the USA baseball? And what kind of name is Eisenhower anyhow? It sure doesn’t sound American to me. Maybe the President is secretly a Communist. Sign me, Worried in Waukesha ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/154 "2005-09-25T13:24:00Z")
Dear 50s dad, Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/155 "2005-09-26T03:35:10Z")
**Dear 50’s Dad,** I found a stack of magazines in the one-car garage behind the pink plastic flamego (when are we going to put them up again?) and need to know. Will I really need uh, to start shaving my palms now? Concerned Son ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/156 "2005-09-26T13:58:06Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Dear **50’s Dad** : > > What’s the deal with this Joe McCarthy guy? He says he’s got a big list of Communists in Washington and Hollywood but my dad says he’s a “drunken imbecile.” (I’m not sure what that means, 'cause I haven’t taken Latin yet, but he says that McCarthy is “going to get what’s coming to him.”) > > Also, my dad just bought a new Ford Falcon, which is pretty keen, but it has these straps in it called “seat belts.” My mom says I need to wear these whenever I’m in the car, but all of my friends think they’re stupid. What’s the deal with these things? > > And is Ipana “dandy for my teeth” like Bucky Beaver says it is? > > Oh, and when are we going to go to the Moon? My dad says we got a lot of good Nazi rocket scientists working on it and I’ll be able to go on vacation there after high school, just like Robert Heinlein writes about in _Boy’s Life_, but my mom says that’s just silly and I should forget about it and concentrate on becoming a doctor or accountant. > > Stranger Dear **Stranger** , Why, young man, you certainly have a lot of questions, don’t you? Listen, son: Senator McCarthy is a fine man, and he’s just looking out for us, and our fine American way of life. Let’s just leave it at that. OK, son? Great. If you’re going to be a doctor, son, you’d better spend more time on your studies, and less time worrying about Bucky Beaver and the Nazis. All right? All right. Now run along, son. **50’s Dad** want’s to finish reading the paper before dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/157 "2005-09-26T14:02:16Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Dear 50’s Dad, > > My wife asked me in regards to marital duties, why is it the men end on such a high note ( If you know what I mean) and women don’t seem to have the same fulfillment as us guys? I asked my wife what she thought about while we exercised our marital rights. Her answer, " Gravy. Making a lump free gravy." > > Now, I got to admit her gravy recipe is better than my dear old departed mother’s, but I have to say my feelings are a bit hurt. > Signed, > > Mr. X. Dear **Mr. X** , Women get their fulfillment in different ways than men do. Like cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing, for example. You don’t mention whether you and **Mrs. X** have started a family yet, but judjing from you letter, I’m guessing you haven’t. Now listen, son: it’s your responsibility to your wife to provide her with the means to be happy and contented. If she doesn’t have children to take care of, why, it’s no wonder she’s feeling unfulfilled. You know what to do son. Go make me proud, m’boy. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/158 "2005-09-26T14:05:26Z")
> [@Kat](#): > > Dear 50s Dad: > > I asked my sister if she wanted ice cream and she said no. Is she a communist? > > Sincerely, > Little Billy > > P.S. She didn’t know who Joseph McCarthy was, either. Dear **Billy** , Look, son, your sister is very likely not communist, but you can never be too careful. Young ladies are very often not interested in current events, as they very wisely spend time with their mothers learning the important skills of cooking and cleaning. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/159 "2005-09-26T14:15:27Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Dear **Stranger** , > Why, young man, you certainly have a lot of questions, don’t you? Listen, son: Senator McCarthy is a fine man, and he’s just looking out for us, and our fine American way of life. Let’s just leave it at that. OK, son? 50’s Dad, I overheard Dr. Greenbaum down the street says that Roy Cohn and David Schine are panseys, and that Sen. McCarthy’s marriage is a sham! He says he read it in the Sun, but I think he’s just sore about those Jewish commies, the Rosenbergs. If only we had more real Americans like J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson running the show and catching all the screwballs. Then patriots like you wouldn’t have such a tough job. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546/160 "2005-09-26T16:06:17Z")
Dear **50’s Dad** , Why are you looking at me like that, you big stuffed shirt? I’ve got a good mind to come down there and clean your clock. Sincerely, The Guy at the Other End of the Bar [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-50s-dad/322546.md?page=9)