# Ask the Atheist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704 "2015-11-16T16:11:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2015, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/61 "2015-11-16T23:14:57Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > Good, I was hoping an atheist would show up on these boards. > > How does it feel to be a special snowflake? This seems less like a serious question and more like a personal jab. Don’t make them, please. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2015, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/62 "2015-11-16T23:46:31Z")
How did you come out to your wife? Did she suspect? How did she react? Does she go to church without you now? mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/63 "2015-11-17T00:38:52Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > How did you come out to your wife? Did she suspect? How did she react? Does she go to church without you now? I didn’t tell my wife for over 2 years. I first just continued going to church and going through the motions. She never suspected. Then I stopped going up for communion. She still has no idea. Then I told her I could no longer go to church. She thought that was weird but still did not suspect. When I finally told her I was an atheist she freaked out. It took her about a year to get used to the idea but we can talk about it pretty felt now. She doesn’t understand it but she accepts it. Now she goes to church about twice per month and goes by herself or with a couple of my kids. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/64 "2015-11-17T00:55:32Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > How did you come out to your wife? Did she suspect? How did she react? Does she go to church without you now? > mmm Heh. Another question for the OP that I am sticking my nose into. My wife is a naturalized citizen from a Latin American country, so yeah, Catholic. We have been married approximately 23 years now. She found out about my lack of belief when we were dating and simply could not wrap her mind around it. We talked, and talked, and talked, and talked some more. She’d heard of atheists, of course, but had never known one, much less dated one. I assured her it wasn’t a big deal for me. Unfortunately, it was for her. I can’t tell you what ultimately made it okay for her, but one day it simply was. For a few years after we were married, my wife continued to go to church regularly. I went a few times with her, but she knew I was doing it just for her. Over time, she went less and less often. I never pressured her about it. One day she simply stopped going regularly, with Easter and Christmas being the only exceptions. She’s resigned herself to it now. We don’t talk about religion or gods or anything like that anymore. She does go to church when she visits her family in her native country, or when they visit her here, but that is the extent of it. I think I mentioned in a previous thread that my wife decided it was a choice between me and the practice of her religion as she was raised to practice it, and she chose me. It wasn’t easy for her, and I don’t like to think about it because then I feel selfish. She is the most important person in my life, and if I could believe, just for her, I would, but I don’t, and I can’t, and I am thankful for every day of the last 25 or so years I have known her. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/65 "2015-11-17T01:53:43Z")
Maybe if we godless heathens worked at it, we could get the stamp collectors’ negative numbers up a bit. Insist on calling them “philatelists” (and be sure to pronounce the word with a certain sneer to it: “Oh, you’re a…_philatelist_.” Always be sure to put in that “pregnant pause” before you say the “P-word”). Incessantly point out that…_philatelists_ like to collect objects that other people have _licked_. (Ignore that modern stamps are all self-stick; everyone knows that those…_philatelists_ prefer the old-fashioned ones that have someone else’s saliva on them.) Continually insist that…_philatelists_ shouldn’t be the beneficiaries of “special rights”. Make lots of dark references to the “philatelist agenda”. Bring up “the children” a lot: “Would you want your child to be alone with a…_philatelist?_” Atheists: Clawing our way up the respectability chain one group at a time! ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/66 "2015-11-17T02:04:42Z")
I don’t believe in religion either, and I do not think religion has anything to do with God. But I know God, so I can dismiss religion and still believe. Why do you believe you need any religion to know God? And if knowing God requires religion, does that just negate the ‘god’ that they offer by having to submit your free will to theirs? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/67 "2015-11-17T02:24:18Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I don’t believe in religion either, and I do not think religion has anything to do with God. But I know God, so I can dismiss religion and still believe. Why do you believe you need any religion to know God? And if knowing God requires religion, does that just negate the ‘god’ that they offer by having to submit your free will to theirs? This is a reasonably common line among a certain sub-set of Christians, but the vast majority of the rest of the world–non-religious and religious alike–uses the word “religion” with at least a _primary_ definition of something like “belief in or worship of God or a set of gods or some other supernatural power”. Yeah, there’s Buddhism and so on and if you really go at it, “religion” becomes about as hard to nail down as Jell-O[sup]®[/sup] brand gelatin. Nonetheless, if you not only believe in a god, but have a personal relationship with that god, then that’s your religion. (You’re perfectly free to argue as to why _your_ religion is truer or better than those other people’s religions, of course.) And no, the example of Buddhism notwithstanding, stamp collecting and the Theory of Evolution aren’t “religions”. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/68 "2015-11-17T03:06:46Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [According to this Salon article,](http://www.salon.com/2014/04/08/atheists_are_adoptive_parents_too_why_agencies_must_stop_discriminating_partner/) there can be stumbling blocks for the potential atheist adoptive parents. We adopted. We became Unitarians as part of the adoption process (and I stuck with it, my husband only goes to Church maybe once a year, but I teach Sunday School). There are stumbling blocks, but they aren’t insurmountable hurdles which you have to give up your atheism - or even lie about it - to get through. You just have to be smart. Just like you don’t want to admit to the social worker that your house usually isn’t NEARLY this clean - or that your mother in law is racist - but you aren’t planning on cutting her out of your lives to raise this child. (By the way, Pagans have the same issue - and I would suggest the same solution - UUs are pretty open on your personal spiritual path - or lack thereof. Social Workers are very often nice Christian women with bias. Don’t scare them.) ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/69 "2015-11-17T03:14:14Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > It _is_ easier for an atheist to hide among the religionists, I’ll give you that. If we keep our mouths shut, bow our heads at the proper times and not give our real opinions, then we can pass as one of them or, at the very least, a “good” atheist. White men tend to underestimate the power of this. I can’t pass as male. I usually pass as white (I have a Hispanic sounding last name, dark hair and eyes and skin that goes olive if I spend time in the sun - it truth my heritage is mostly German and Slavic - not a bit of Hispanic). I have no issue at all passing as Christian (I’m a UU Deist). Or straight (I self identify as bi - but I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with a man for 25 years). The stereotyping that happens because of what I look like means I don’t even get the opportunity to keep my mouth shut and my head down. It sucks to get discriminated against or treated poorly because of who you are or what you believe (or don’t believe). But atheists get the choice to share or not share. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/70 "2015-11-17T04:27:45Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > It sucks to get discriminated against or treated poorly because of who you are or what you believe (or don’t believe). But atheists get the choice to share or not share. QFT ---
**Author:** ![bb49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@bb49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bb49)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/71 "2015-11-17T04:28:33Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > There are few cultural divides between Canada and the US, but religion is a huge one. I’ve noticed this a lot over the years. We have a number of friends in the US and though religion never comes up in conversations, whenever shit has happened in our life, and we’ve had our share, everyone of the Americans indicate they will pray for us. Our Canadian friends never mention prayer, just wish us good luck. Hmm, I wonder which one is working? As for Coke or Pepsi, I’ll take tequila over whiskey any day. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/72 "2015-11-17T04:52:51Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Why do you hate Odin? He _is_ kind of an asshole, to be fair. > [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > I don’t have a penny black. I also don’t have an inverted jenny. Which of these feats of non-stamp collecting impress you more? > > (I’m also working on not owning a penny red) Sure. Secretly, deep down, you know you have all of these, hidden under the floorboards. That’s why you are so obsessed with denying you have them. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/73 "2015-11-17T06:38:41Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Maybe if we godless heathens worked at it, we could get the stamp collectors’ negative numbers up a bit. Insist on calling them “philatelists” (and be sure to pronounce the word with a certain sneer to it: “Oh, you’re a…_philatelist_.” Always be sure to put in that “pregnant pause” before you say the “P-word”). Incessantly point out that…_philatelists_ like to collect objects that other people have _licked_. (Ignore that modern stamps are all self-stick; everyone knows that those…_philatelists_ prefer the old-fashioned ones that have someone else’s saliva on them.) Continually insist that…_philatelists_ shouldn’t be the beneficiaries of “special rights”. Make lots of dark references to the “philatelist agenda”. Bring up “the children” a lot: “Would you want your child to be alone with a…_philatelist?_” > > Atheists: Clawing our way up the respectability chain one group at a time! Not going to work. Everyone knows that philately will get you anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/74 "2015-11-17T07:04:30Z")
**Dragwyr** , what do you believe now? Do you still believe there’s such a thing as a soul that survives after death? Are you a materialist who believes that everything, including consciousness, is rooted in the physical world? Has your loss of religious belief affected any of your other beliefs? Do you look at political or social issues any differently than before? Is there anything you miss about religion, such as the community of a church? ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/75 "2015-11-17T07:39:02Z")
What do you think of Richard Dawkins? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/76 "2015-11-17T11:54:07Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > I can’t tell you what ultimately made it okay for her, but one day it simply was. For a few years after we were married, my wife continued to go to church regularly. I went a few times with her, but she knew I was doing it just for her. Over time, she went less and less often. I never pressured her about it. One day she simply stopped going regularly, with Easter and Christmas being the only exceptions. She’s resigned herself to it now. We don’t talk about religion or gods or anything like that anymore. She does go to church when she visits her family in her native country, or when they visit her here, but that is the extent of it. Why would \*\*you \*\*being an atheist mean that \*\*she \*\*goes to church less? Is it that disconnecting “practice of worship” from “thing we do as a family” has caused the former to have less significance in her mind? > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > What do you think of Richard Dawkins? I’m not the OP but I am agnostic, and I think Dawkins is an asshole. An asshole with some valid points, but an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/77 "2015-11-17T12:35:43Z")
> [@Horatio\_Hellpop](#): > > Are there any character benefits you associate with atheism? More intelligent, less prone to senseless violence, better taste in movies and music, etc.? More likely to stay out late on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/78 "2015-11-17T12:52:54Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I don’t believe in religion either, and I do not think religion has anything to do with God. But I know God, so I can dismiss religion and still believe. Why do you believe you need any religion to know God? And if knowing God requires religion, does that just negate the ‘god’ that they offer by having to submit your free will to theirs? Atheism doesn’t have to do with believing in religion. It has to do with whether or not a god exists. Since I don’t have a belief in any kind of god, it stands to reason that I think religion is kind of silly as well. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/79 "2015-11-17T13:03:25Z")
> [@Jeff\_Lichtman](#): > > **Dragwyr** , what do you believe now? Do you still believe there’s such a thing as a soul that survives after death? Are you a materialist who believes that everything, including consciousness, is rooted in the physical world? > > Has your loss of religious belief affected any of your other beliefs? Do you look at political or social issues any differently than before? > > Is there anything you miss about religion, such as the community of a church? No, I don’t believe in the existence of a soul. I think that the “mind” or “soul” that most people refer to is simply a function of the brain, and once that brain cannot function, that is it. I guess you could say that I am a materialist. I say that because my feeling is, “What else is there beyond the physical universe?” There is no way of demonstrating that there is anything supernatural. I would not say that my political and social outlook has been substantially changed by my non-belief. I used to be very conservative in my political and social tendencies, but they changed to a more centered and slightly liberal outlook long before I became an atheist. I guess the only thing that being an atheist has done is make me want to believe as many true things as possible and as few false things as possible. I was a skeptic before I became an atheist and I think that my disbelief is a logical result of having a skeptical outlook. I do kind of miss the built in community that church provides, but I can still get that from other things. I have atheist friends that I hang out with regularly. One thing I have discovered is that there is nothing that a church can offer me socially that I can’t get through secular means. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2015, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704/80 "2015-11-17T13:07:52Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > What do you think of Richard Dawkins? I think he is very intelligent, but he’s not perfect. I think he can be offensive at times, but he makes his points about religion and people’s god belief very well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-atheist/737704.md?page=5)