Ask the autistic person

[auliya]

@eulalia

That brings me to a question. I have seen descriptions of Asperger’s syndrome that include problems with a voice that other’s find annoying, sometimes to the point that speech therapy is prescribed. Have you had that sort of problem?

Can I respond here?

The main issue with Aspergers syndrome and language is to do with pragmatics, the social component of language, things like turn taking and appropriate responding etc, but some people with AS also have problems with prosody, the tone and pattern of stresses and inflection in spoken language. I don’t notice that my son has this problem , but his father certainly did at times, when his voice would take on a strange sort of flat intonation. I have also heard other AS kids speak with odd prosody.

Late onset of language is not a problem in Aspergers - the diagnostic criteria state "no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years). "

[Gartog]

@Aslan

I do find it rather pointless. Most people, it seems, talk about the most inane shit. “What happend on the Apprentice last night?” “Did you see American Idol last night?” “Did you hear _ was going out with _?” I don’t understand the point of that.

Hi Aslan, based on reading I’ve done from various sources (sorry I don’t have cites, so feel free to disregard this) and based on my own experience and study of group interactions, it is my understanding that small talk has a couple of purposes.
These aren’t true in every situation but it often seems to be one of establishing status between individuals, small talk can also be combined with flirting, which is a large part of establishing status between individuals.

Small talk also gives a surface level of communication, that while not important can lead to more important discussion. You said you’re most comfortable talking with your friends, small talk is a way of establishing communication - and of keeping these lines of communication open when you have nothing important to say.

And a lot of people seem to prefer inconsequential talk to silence, I don’t consider myself one of these and I’m still working on why this is.

[Aslan_of_Narnia]

@Gartog

Small talk also gives a surface level of communication, that while not important can lead to more important discussion. You said you’re most comfortable talking with your friends, small talk is a way of establishing communication - and of keeping these lines of communication open when you have nothing important to say.

Thanks for the info.

How long should small talk be kept up if you have nothing important to say at all? If I don’t make enough small talk, can that screw a friendship up?

[Gartog]

IMO Not if the friendship is wrong, especially if you have explained that you dislike small talk previously.

I’ve often sat in silence with my best friends, which may sound odd but sometimes it’s nice just to be there - even when there isn’t anything to say. It’s these friendships which are the strongest IMO.

Unfortunately there are no rules that I know of, this kind of thing is something you have to learn or guess, which I understand can be difficult, especially for autistic people.

It depends how well you know the person, I’m a drama student and because of the nature of my course I know everyone to some degree (that’s about one hundred people) most of these the most I’ll ever say is just ‘hello, how’s things?’ unless we have something specific to discuss.

Because of the nature of my work, I never ignore anyone who I might have to work with, and always make the effort to say hello. Often with those I’ve worked with in the past, but don’t consider close friends - we’ll make small talk, mainly about work ‘How’s the essay, are you ready for the exam?’ that kind of thing?

Of course because of the situation we’re in, at University, there is always something I can ask about that we will both have in common.

I understand some autistic people have trouble recognizing facial expressions? this might make it difficult to gauge how long a conversation should go on for.

The best advice I can give, if you want to make small talk, if you know something about the person, ask them about that, if they’ve just been on holiday or someone in their family is ill. Otherwise pick something you both have in common.

If you really can’t think of anything to say, just say ‘Hi’ and leave it at that. I don’t think you’re going to destroy any friendships.

Practice on some of you’re friends, and see how they react, they might be able to give you better advice in person than I can over a message board anyway.

[Aslan_of_Narnia]

@Gartog

I understand some autistic people have trouble recognizing facial expressions?

Yes, this is true.

Thanks for the advice.

[Gartog]

Well I hope it’s of some use, one of my friends is Autistic - although I don’t know to what degree, and he interacts well socially.

Is Autisim a condition that changes over time? Or is it just you that become better at living with autism?

And one more question, do you see much discrimination agaist autistic people?

Thanks

[Aslan_of_Narnia]

@Gartog

Is Autisim a condition that changes over time? Or is it just you that become better at living with autism?

And one more question, do you see much discrimination agaist autistic people?

Thanks

Autism can improve over time if you do things to help it, such as being more social or doing tricks to get rid of symptoms.

However,

When non-autistic people age, they often lose some of their former cognitive abilities in a subtle way. When autistic people age, what would be subtle in a non-autistic person can cause extreme-looking differences in an autistic person, because our hold on certain kinds of cognition is so shaky in the first place.

There has been very little study done on what happens to autistic people as they get older, but personal reports suggest that many common ways of dealing with the world as an autistic person can become less feasible with time. Thus, a person who has been working very hard to keep up with the non-autistic world may suddenly find herself slowing down and needing to do less of it. This can look like becoming more autistic, even when it’s simply being less able to adjust.

From here: http://amanda.autistics.org/more-autistic.html#aging

That can also happen.

I don’t personally see any discrimination against autistics. However, some other autistics are a lot more thinskinned(I’m speaking of my experince of one group especially) than others, and see discrimination EVERYWHERE. One person got into a debate with “NTs” and when people didn’t bend to her superior autistic mind, she complained of being attacked by the NT contingent. Or someone linking to an article about autistic murders and how the killing of autistics had been ‘allowed/justified’ that basically could be summed up as “Hey guys here’s a list of autistics who were murdered and the killer got off light, oops I’m missing the pages that list things such as the courts having a lack of evidence or other factors that might’ve played into the sentencing, don’t be mad. :o”

[Gartog]

Interesting, thanks for the info.