# Ask the child raised by two gay men
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816
**Category:** Great Debates
**Created:** [October 25, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816 "2002-10-25T07:47:40Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/1 "2002-10-25T07:47:40Z")
I know this topic has come up a lot on SDMB (recently [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=140951)). I don’t know if this has been covered before, so I’ll just take a stab at it.
I was raised by two gay men, my father and his long term partner. If anyone has any questions about how a child feels in this enviroment, I suppose I’m the guy to ask.
So,… HIT ME.
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### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/2 "2002-10-25T07:55:35Z")
How do you think your fathers’ polictics affect you now?
What, if any, repurcussions do you experience or expect?
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/3 "2002-10-25T07:55:54Z")
Please describe your own sexual orientation.
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### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/4 "2002-10-25T07:56:49Z")
I think your age might be relevant.
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/5 "2002-10-25T07:59:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eleusis \*
> \*\*I think your age might be relevant. \*\*
Let me answer this one first because I intended to put this in the OP.
I’m now 35.
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/6 "2002-10-25T08:07:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eleusis \*
> \*\*How do you think your fathers’ polictics affect you now?
>
> What, if any, repurcussions do you experience or expect? \*\*
Politics? I’m not quite sure what you mean by this question. My father was republician and his partner democrat. There was a fair amount of light hearted flame wars at the dinner table.
As for the other question, do you mean repercussions because of my father and his lifestyle on me?
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/7 "2002-10-25T08:09:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mangetout \*
> \*\*Please describe your own sexual orientation. \*\*
Straight.
I’m married with one child.
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### Author:  [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/8 "2002-10-25T09:24:59Z")
What questions did you think you’d get asked?
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/9 "2002-10-25T09:41:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Apos \*
> \*\*What questions did you think you’d get asked? \*\*
I don’t know.
It seems some people might feel it’s harmful in some way and the child would grow up to be a freak or something.
So I figured instead of people throwing around “what ifs” here is a case in point.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/10 "2002-10-25T09:42:17Z")
Do you feel that you have been put under any pressure regarding your sexual orientation? (i.e. has your father expressed disappointment/relief that you turned out straight); I realise this comes across as a stupid question; I am attempting to address the ‘gay parents make their children gay’ mindset.
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### Author:  [@Racer1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Racer1)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/11 "2002-10-25T09:43:37Z")
Did you ever suffer teasing or bullying from other children?
Did you have access to a female role model to talk to/ask advice of if required? (I guess that wouldn’t matter so much for a guy though.)
Being straight, you obviously weren’t “turned gay” by your parents. I can’t think of any other excuses people who disagree with gay upbringings use to condemn it.
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/12 "2002-10-25T09:54:37Z")
Did anyone attempt to intervene in your upbringing or express disapproval at how it was being conducted? If so, how was this handled?
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/13 "2002-10-25T10:01:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mangetout \*
> \*\*Do you feel that you have been put under any pressure regarding your sexual orientation? (i.e. has your father expressed disappointment/relief that you turned out straight); I realise this comes across as a stupid question; I am attempting to address the ‘gay parents make their children gay’ mindset. \*\*
There was never any pressure other then “you need to do what **you** feel is right”.
My father/s taught me that sex was just a thing humans do. It doesn’t matter who it’s with or how it’s done as long as it feels right with you and the partner.
They were also very supportive in my relationships. They both loved this one girl I was dating and were both really upset when they learned we broke up. In fact, this might have been the ONLY time I was pressured to date someone I didn’t want to.
“Call her back right now and say you’re sorry.” 😃
At the end of the day they just wanted to see me happy in a relationship.
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/14 "2002-10-25T10:25:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Racer1 \*
> \*\*Did you ever suffer teasing or bullying from other children?
>
> Did you have access to a female role model to talk to/ask advice of if required? (I guess that wouldn’t matter so much for a guy though.)
>
> Being straight, you obviously weren’t “turned gay” by your parents. I can’t think of any other excuses people who disagree with gay upbringings use to condemn it. \*\*
I don’t think I was harrased any more then any other kid. That said, not everyone knew. I suspect the fat kid or the dorky crosseyed kid got harrassed more then I did.
But my friends didn’t bother me about it any more then the “like father like son” jab from time to time (which I always replied “huh? I’m not a banker.”) But those jabs were lighthearted in the same way we told the “yo momma so ugly” jokes.
My mother was around and I was supposed to spend weekends with her (my brother lived with her and spend weekends with my father). I didn’t get along much with my monther in those days so we never talked about things other then “how is school”. Other then her I didn’t have a “female role model”.
My fathers partner was the person I could confide in on many levels. He did have sort of a motherly quality about him. I suppose there was something about him not being my father, yet still being a trusted source for advice.
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### Author:  [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/15 "2002-10-25T10:48:11Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mangetout \*
> \*\*Did anyone attempt to intervene in your upbringing or express disapproval at how it was being conducted? If so, how was this handled? \*\*
Only from my mother. She really didn’t understand what being gay meant. She half expected my father to be running around the house in a new frock I suppose.
There was one small time in my life (6th grade) where my brother and I spent a lot more time over at her house. I suspect this was her influence on my father to have the kids in a “regular” home (but I really couldn’t say for sure). My mother and I butted heads and I really disliked being there. This ended up with me always running away from her house and ending up at my fathers who lived across town. It wasn’t too long before I was at my fathers full time again.
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### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/16 "2002-10-25T12:17:32Z")
I’m sorry, **Seven** but your answers sound very defensive. As if there is no “down side” to being raised by two gay men in this society.
Do you have an agenda here?
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### Author:  [@Racer1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Racer1)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/17 "2002-10-25T12:44:44Z")
**Seven** , from what age were you raised purely by your father and his partner?
Did your mother and father split before your birth or did you have a period in your early life where they were raising you?
**Eleusis** , with respect, I haven’t noticed **Seven** coming across as defensive with his answers. In my opinion, all things being equal (i.e. all loving, responsible parents), kids raised by gay parents would only be at a disadvantage when it comes to teasing or feeling different, but if **Seven** hasn’t experienced things like that, he can’t just make it up to provide a downside.
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### Author:  [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/18 "2002-10-25T13:54:10Z")
How old were you when you realized there was something “different” about your family? Did you speak about it with your folks? Or did you just kinda go with it?
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### Author:  [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/19 "2002-10-25T14:14:40Z")
Would you mind, Eleusis, pointing out an example of an answer that sounds defensive?
Seven, did you ever go through a period where you felt your father’s orientation was wrong?
What, if any, religion was practiced in your home?
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### Author:  [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)
#### Post date: [October 25, 2002, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-child-raised-by-two-gay-men/133816/20 "2002-10-25T14:27:31Z")
Your situation must have created some unique or funny circumstances from time to time.
Can you share some of those?
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