# Ask the complete and total asshole!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 12, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948 "2007-09-12T18:58:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/1 "2007-09-12T18:58:07Z")
Antisocial, ignorant, boorish, narcissistic, crude, rude, lewd, cruel and generally unsavory advice cheerfully offered. Come one, come all: I’m an open book. An open book of assholitude.
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### Author:  [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/2 "2007-09-12T18:59:22Z")
How many puppies/nuns have you kicked today?
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### Author:  [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/3 "2007-09-12T19:02:42Z")
Do you ever get tired of all the people telling you to smile, or ask why you are so cranky all the time?
How do you feel about getting your picture taken and asked to smile?
Drivers, in general, how do you feel about them?
Holidays? Blessing or curse?
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### Author:  [@SomeUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SomeUserName)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/4 "2007-09-12T19:05:57Z")
Why did you post this in IMHO?
All the other “Ask me?” threads are in MPSIMS.
Or is it because you are an asshole?
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/5 "2007-09-12T19:14:41Z")
[QUOTE=August West]
How many puppies/nuns have you kicked today?
[/QUOTE]
I kicked two nuns…while wearing puppies as shoes. :mad:
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/6 "2007-09-12T19:16:30Z")
Why are you an asshole? Why can’t you just be nice?
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### Author:  [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/7 "2007-09-12T19:16:46Z")
So what kind of benefits does Air Canada provide?
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/8 "2007-09-12T19:16:47Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus]
Do you ever get tired of all the people telling you to smile, or ask why you are so cranky all the time? How do you feel about getting your picture taken and asked to smile?
[/quote]
I’m not cranky, I’m an asshole. There’s a difference. I smile all the damned time.
> [@](#):
>
> Drivers, in general, how do you feel about them?
I don’t really see them as drivers, but as moving annoyances and road hazards.
> [@](#):
>
> Holidays? Blessing or curse?
Depends on which holiday. Arbor Day, for example, can kiss my ass.
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/9 "2007-09-12T19:21:30Z")
[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
Or is it because you are an asshole?
[/QUOTE]
We prefer “iconoclast.”
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/10 "2007-09-12T19:22:55Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Why are you an asshole? Why can’t you just be nice?
[/QUOTE]
“Can’t?” Just like a chick to assume it’s a question of whether I _can_ or _can’t_. :rolleyes: :mad:
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### Author:  [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/11 "2007-09-12T19:24:30Z")
You talking to _me_? :mad:
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### Author:  [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/12 "2007-09-12T19:25:25Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Antisocial, ignorant, boorish, narcissistic, crude, rude, lewd, cruel and generally unsavory advice cheerfully offered. Come one, come all: I’m an open book. An open book of assholitude.
[/QUOTE]
What is wrong with women? I mean like, really, you know? What’s their deal?
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/13 "2007-09-12T19:25:27Z")
How can I become more like you (I think I’m halfway there)?
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/14 "2007-09-12T19:25:58Z")
Do you ever feel guilty about being an asshole? Do you wish you could change your personality so that you wouldn’t be?
The reason I ask is that I am not an asshole but I am a prick and I often feel guilty about it. Changing such a big part of your personality is hard though.
(Please don’t swear at me in your reply. It is an honest question.)
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/15 "2007-09-12T19:26:13Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT]
:mad: WTF’s your problem, dude? :mad:
[/QUOTE]
Your mom.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/16 "2007-09-12T19:31:19Z")
> [@control-z](#):
>
> What is wrong with women? I mean like, really, you know? What’s their deal?
Same question for men!
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### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/17 "2007-09-12T19:33:00Z")
Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS.
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/18 "2007-09-12T19:36:04Z")
[QUOTE=Frank]
Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS.
[/QUOTE]
Hey, buddy, what…you think you **run** this place?!? :mad:
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### Author:  [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/19 "2007-09-12T19:36:21Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Same question for men!
[/QUOTE]
Hey, men are easy, all they want is beer and hoochie coo, and maybe feed them once in a while.
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### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [September 12, 2007, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/20 "2007-09-12T19:38:03Z")
[QUOTE=Rube E. Tewesday]
So what kind of benefits does Air Canada provide?
[/QUOTE]
Shitty. 2 1/2 times my annual pay in the event of my death, payable as one lump sum to the beneficiary/ies of my choice. I intend to name the Westboro Baptist Church, just to leave the planet a little shittier than I found it. :mad:
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