# Ask the complete and total asshole! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 12, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948 "2007-09-12T18:58:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/21 "2007-09-12T19:41:08Z")
Why do you always drive so slowly in the passing lane? Why don’t you get the f\*\*k out of my way? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/22 "2007-09-12T19:42:33Z")
[QUOTE=Nutty Bunny] Why do you always drive so slowly in the passing lane? Why don’t you get the f\*\*k out of my way? [/QUOTE] Speed limit’s 60. I’m going 60. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/23 "2007-09-12T19:44:00Z")
That proves you’re an asshole. The speed limit is 65. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/24 "2007-09-12T19:44:11Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] How can I become more like you (I think I’m halfway there)? [/QUOTE] What, a “hole”? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/25 "2007-09-12T19:46:20Z")
What is the air velocity of an unladen swallow? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/26 "2007-09-12T19:46:57Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] Do you ever feel guilty about being an asshole? Do you wish you could change your personality so that you wouldn’t be? The reason I ask is that I am not an asshole but I am a prick and I often feel guilty about it. Changing such a big part of your personality is hard though. (Please don’t swear at me in your reply. It is an honest question.) [/QUOTE] If you feel guilty for being an asshole, then you aren’t really an asshole; you’re a regular person _behaving_ like an asshole. This ain’t _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_. My heart isn’t going to grow three sizes one day. This is a constant, consistent way of being. You don’t like it, you can…oh yeah, no swearing at you. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/27 "2007-09-12T19:49:41Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] What is the air velocity of an unladen swallow? [/QUOTE] European or African? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/28 "2007-09-12T19:52:06Z")
[QUOTE=Nutty Bunny] That proves you’re an asshole. The speed limit is 65. [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t know. I don’t look at the signs. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/29 "2007-09-12T19:53:34Z")
Why do you call yourself oncecentstamp? Is that all you think you’re worth? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/30 "2007-09-12T19:56:45Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Why do you call yourself oncecentstamp? Is that all you think you’re worth? [/QUOTE] At the time I took the name, it was current and topical, as the USPS\* had just jacked the postage from $0.37 to $0.38. Thus, in spite of their small value, everyone needed one cent stamps. \*The assholes. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/31 "2007-09-12T19:57:46Z")
You know, I don’t think you’re an asshole. I think you’re just faking it. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/32 "2007-09-12T20:00:22Z")
::pulls back collar of shirt up and over forehead:: **I AM ASSHOLIO!** ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/33 "2007-09-12T20:00:31Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] European or African? :mad: [/QUOTE] Gee, thanks. You just had to be an asshole in answering my question, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/34 "2007-09-12T20:01:26Z")
Are you just an _arsehole_ or are you… **A Flamin’ ASSHOLE!!** ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/35 "2007-09-12T20:01:37Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] ::pulls back collar of shirt up and over forehead:: **I AM ASSHOLIO!** [/QUOTE] Are you threatening me? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/36 "2007-09-12T20:14:52Z")
[Is this your theme song?](http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/song/319473.html) ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/37 "2007-09-12T20:18:17Z")
Why dont you turn your frown upside down? ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/38 "2007-09-12T20:18:55Z")
My friends say I’m an asshole. What should I do? Should I be even more of an asshole? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/39 "2007-09-12T20:24:41Z")
[QUOTE=pool] My friends say I’m an asshole. What should I do? Should I be even more of an asshole? [/QUOTE] Hell yes. Nothing’s more annoying than a dilettante asshole. Go for the gold. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/40 "2007-09-12T20:25:42Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] Why dont you turn your frown upside down? [/QUOTE] 🙂 Better? Now leave me the fuck alone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948.md?page=3)