# Ask the complete and total asshole! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 12, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948 "2007-09-12T18:58:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/141 "2007-09-14T22:55:44Z")
I’m still waiting for those job hunting tips, asshole. Try and keep up, ok? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/142 "2007-09-15T04:30:08Z")
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz] Hey asshole, Do you still get you Big Macs in the non-biodegradable Styrofoam boxes? [/quote] I have my Big Macs custom packaged in containers made from the hide of Yangtze River dolphins. I have no idea what I’m going to do when they run out. > [@](#): > > Why do you steal my handicapped parking space? I assume you are not handicapped either. First come, first serve. I generally limp somewhat on the way to the door, just for show. > [@](#): > > Also, Toby Keith, patriotic American, or Xenophobic asshole? > > SSG Schwartz Toby Keith is the finest American songwriter of the past fifty years. Dylan, Springsteen, Fogerty, Brian Wilson: all of them pale in comparison to the genius that is Keith. How do you like me now? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/143 "2007-09-15T04:31:09Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] The asshole always gets the girl :mad: [/QUOTE] No, in your case, the asshole gets the kitchen implement. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/144 "2007-09-15T04:32:15Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] Yup, I’m a prick. I don’t like hippies or chronically poor people (though hippies are chronically poor nearly universally, all chronically poor people aren’t hippies). I also hate a few other groups (none racially motivated). [/QUOTE] **Q:** How do you kill a hippie? **A:** Hide the food stamps under the soap. He’ll starve in three or four weeks. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/145 "2007-09-15T04:34:45Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] Well, I just hope you don’t lose your union card for it… [/QUOTE] **Assholes Local 133** is a pretty anarchic bunch. I don’t think this will make it to disciplinary council. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/146 "2007-09-15T04:37:51Z")
[QUOTE=krisolov] I’m still waiting for those job hunting tips, asshole. Try and keep up, ok? [/QUOTE] Here’s what you do. Fill a resume (pronounced reh-zuh-may; I can’t be bothered to figure out how to type the French diacriticals) full of wonderful and fictitious achievements. Back the reh-zuh-may up with a similarly specious interview. When the recruiter offers you a job, tell them they’ll need to speak to your agent first. When they ask who your agent is, unzip your pants. Trust me, there are only good outcomes to be had here. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/147 "2007-09-15T04:38:16Z")
[QUOTE=Nutty Bunny] Why do you always drive so slowly in the passing lane? Why don’t you get the f\*\*k out of my way? [/QUOTE] Its not assholes that do that its codgers. The asshole is the one tailgating you in the slow lane. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2007, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948/148 "2007-09-19T04:09:40Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] The asshole always gets the girl :mad: [/QUOTE] That’s because you rarely see needy, clingy assholes. And if you do, well, they have surgery for that now. Now, back to pestering our host asshole. You’re not going to get bleached, are you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-complete-and-total-asshole/418948.md?page=7)