# Ask the conspiracy theorist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012 "2012-10-27T05:07:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![ed\_anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbce88/32.png) [@ed\_anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed_anger)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/181 "2012-11-22T15:20:59Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Not really. No one believes that it is impossible for people to conspire with one another. Then we wouldn’t need laws against criminal conspiracy. A CTer looks at every single event that happens, natural or man made, and assigns a dark purpose to it. Yeah, my problem is I believe people are too stupid to know what they are doing most of the time, and terrible at keeping secrets. Look at the endless fuckups the rich, connected and famous get into, to think that they are all involved in one over-reaching cabal like the Illuminati is laughable. ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/182 "2012-11-22T15:21:09Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Not really. No one believes that it is impossible for people to conspire with one another. Then we wouldn’t need laws against criminal conspiracy. A CTer looks at every single event that happens, natural or man made, and assigns a dark purpose to it. No, a CT “nut” does, and there is no good evidence I’ve seen that EVERY person with a conspiracy theory is a nut. Ymmv. ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/183 "2012-11-22T15:24:44Z")
> [@ed\_anger](#): > > Yeah, my problem is I believe people are too stupid to know what they are doing most of the time, and terrible at keeping secrets. Look at the endless fuckups the rich, connected and famous get into, to think that they are all involved in one over-reaching cabal like the Illuminati is laughable. Not all of them are going to be involved. The ones that are will manipulate the ones who aren’t like the puppets they are. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/184 "2012-11-22T15:31:13Z")
> [@ed\_anger](#): > > Yeah, my problem is I believe people are too stupid to know what they are doing most of the time, and terrible at keeping secrets. Look at the endless fuckups the rich, connected and famous get into, to think that they are all involved in one over-reaching cabal like the Illuminati is laughable. And I have dealt with bureaucracy my entire adult life, from the inside. To think that humans could run an efficient one is pretty funny. Maybe it really is lizard people. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/185 "2012-11-22T15:46:08Z")
what this thread needs is a link to Louis CK asking Donald Rumsfeld if he is a [lizard](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz_gy7-bOoo). Yes that is the real Rumsfeld. Longer [clip](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH_34tqxAjA&feature=related). ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/186 "2012-11-22T15:46:15Z")
Governments are supernaturally efficient when covering up aliens and suchlike. ---
**Author:** ![ed\_anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbce88/32.png) [@ed\_anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed_anger)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/187 "2012-11-22T16:01:38Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > And I have dealt with bureaucracy my entire adult life, from the inside. To think that humans could run an efficient one is pretty funny. my point exactly. imho conspiracy theories involves the same regions of the brain as religion. people crave order, and create it where there is none. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/188 "2012-11-24T04:50:00Z")
> [@dimmy\_derko](#): > > If my reading is right, the NYT is just the filter through which **Kosmic** is viewing the phenomenon he is studying. I’ve no doubt he’s tried other filters and this is the one that works best for his purpose. Yes and my filter - _The New York Times_ - interestingly enough, today, gave an example of another filter: > [@](#): > > Today’s Republicans cocoon themselves in an alternative reality defined by Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page, and only on rare occasions - like on election night - encounter any hint that what they believe might not be true. That was on _The New York Times_’s op-ed page. > [@Alessan](#): > > Then how does he know they’re the real rulers of the universe? He doesn’t. He could suspect that Rupert Murdoch is one of the real rulers of the universe; however, Rupert Murdoch could be a decoy. For example: Who controls wars? The government? The mob? Hackers? Someone in Rome? Someone the royal family? Who? > [@Ravenman](#): > > And if I just called you up at work, **Kozmik** , and without introducing myself, instructed you to eat an egg salad sandwich for lunch because humanity depends on that for reasons you could never know; would you just follow the instructions of a stranger on the phone with no questions asked? John C. Yoo was [presented](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO2p0KHyzpw) with a similar hypothetical. > [@Loach](#): > > what this thread needs is a link to Louis CK asking Donald Rumsfeld if he is a [lizard](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz_gy7-bOoo). Yes that is the real Rumsfeld. > Longer [clip](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH_34tqxAjA&feature=related). No, [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PN0Y_WENvk) is the real Rumsfeld. > [@ed\_anger](#): > > my point exactly. > > imho conspiracy theories involves the same regions of the brain as religion. people crave order, and create it where there is none. Order out of chaos. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/189 "2012-11-24T05:22:10Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > And if I just called you up at work, **Kozmik** , and without introducing myself, instructed you to eat an egg salad sandwich for lunch because humanity depends on that for reasons you could never know; would you just follow the instructions of a stranger on the phone with no questions asked? Rye or sourdough? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/190 "2012-11-24T05:41:39Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > No, [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PN0Y_WENvk) is the real Rumsfeld. Yes it was the real Donald Rumsfeld. It doesn’t work very well when you are trying to be clever. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/191 "2012-11-24T06:03:52Z")
Are there any CT that you used to believe, but no longer do? If so which? Are there any CT that you think are probably not true, but might be - if so which do you think is most likely to be a true CT, but you currently don’t really believe in it whole heatedly. How about the reverse? Which CT that you currently believe in do you have some doubts about? What is the biggest unanswered question to you about any of the CT’s you believe in? Do you believe Obama could (assuming he knows about it) - inform us about the illuminati? Who is the most powerful person in the world? If you could ask the illuminati one question (not something vague like “why…[everything]?”) - what would it be? Has the illuminati ever failed in trying to pull off a conspiracy (that you know of)? Was the 1980ish shooting of Reagan a CT? ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/192 "2012-11-24T12:09:40Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > Do you believe Obama could (assuming he knows about it) - inform us about the illuminati? Who is the most powerful person in the world? If you could ask the illuminati one question (not something vague like “why…[everything]?”) - what would it be? Let Obama try setting up a task force to audit ALL secret files - **Obama** : “YES, I _really_ NEED TO KNOW, now fucking do it!” **Subordinate** : “Yes sir, I’ll get right on it.” - before his term of office ends and we’ll see how much clout he has. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/193 "2012-11-24T13:00:37Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > Yes and my filter - _The New York Times_ - interestingly enough, today, gave an example of another filter: > > That was on _The New York Times_’s op-ed page. Let me try yet again: WHY?? WHY DO YOU BELIEVE THE NEW YORK TIMES TO BE TRUSTWORTHY? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/194 "2012-11-24T13:01:43Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > John C. Yoo was [presented](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO2p0KHyzpw) with a similar hypothetical. So what? Did John Yoo happen to answer the hypothetical? Why are you not answering it? ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/195 "2012-11-24T13:02:26Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Let me try yet again: > > WHY?? WHY DO YOU BELIEVE THE NEW YORK TIMES TO BE TRUSTWORTHY? Are you saying it isn’t? Is it because of da juice? ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/196 "2012-11-24T13:04:39Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > And I have dealt with bureaucracy my entire adult life, from the inside. Of course you have and I bet you thought you were really important too, but there’s a reason there’s at least 30\* levels of secrecy higher than Above Top Secret. - My guess is it is 33 or 45 or some other Freemasonic number. They like to play these bs games where they pretend they are in touch with arcane secrets. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/197 "2012-11-24T14:57:21Z")
> [@dimmy\_derko](#): > > Of course you have and I bet you thought you were really important too, but there’s a reason there’s at least 30\* levels of secrecy higher than Above Top Secret. > > - My guess is it is 33 or 45 or some other Freemasonic number. They like to play these bs games where they pretend they are in touch with arcane secrets. No, there isn’t. But I know you are not like Kosmik. And I won’t play along for your amusement. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/198 "2012-11-24T14:57:57Z")
> [@dimmy\_derko](#): > > Of course you have and I bet you thought you were really important too, but there’s a reason there’s at least 30\* levels of secrecy higher than Above Top Secret. > > - My guess is it is 33 or 45 or some other Freemasonic number. They like to play these bs games where they pretend they are in touch with arcane secrets. Benjamin Franklin revealed that the biggest secret the Freemasons were holding is that they have no big secrets. (But I think he was just miffed that they were not more like the Hellfire Club.) ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/199 "2012-11-24T15:02:26Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > No, there isn’t. Cite? Go on, tell me you counted them personally, during your bureaucratic stint. ---
**Author:** ![dimmy\_derko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@dimmy\_derko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dimmy_derko)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012/200 "2012-11-24T15:06:40Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Benjamin Franklin revealed that the biggest secret the Freemasons were holding is that they have no big secrets. (But I think he was just miffed that they were not more like the Hellfire Club.) You did see the bit in my post where I said they pretend they have arcane secrets, didn’t you? The whole point of the levels though, is to filter out non like-minded chaps and obscure their real activities from the view of overly-interested parties who haven’t been invited into the throng. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-conspiracy-theorist/639012.md?page=11)