# Ask The Cougar
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 21, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429 "2009-11-21T18:28:09Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/21 "2009-11-21T22:17:22Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> I thought Depends, beauty parlors and artificial hips were all for people in their 50s and older?
Yes, but I’ve always been ahead of my time.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/22 "2009-11-21T22:18:47Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#):
>
> I’m sure it can work for some, but my husband is 20 years older than I and we’ve been apart since January. At least half of the demise was due to the age difference. I look at my Mom at 65 and she could pass for 15 years younger. I imagine myself at her age and my husband being 85 and it breaks my heart. The fact that he’s an uncommunicative ass didn’t help, either! 🙂
Yeah- hooking up permanently with someone that much younger than I is totally out of the question. Not a valid lifestyle choice for me, you could say. But good for a pick-me-up, sure!
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### Author:  [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/23 "2009-11-21T22:47:53Z")
Just wanted to say… I heartily approve of this thread! (I’m 49)
I have nothing to ask off the top of my head, just wanted to say YOU GO GIRL!
(I will be following this with great interest however, I am writing a book right now where the main character is a 37 year old widow with 2 teenagers; she has just hired a 25 year old ranch hand and the sparks they are a flyin’. It is complicated further by the teenage daughter ALSO having a ginormous crush on said ranch hand…)
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### Author:  [@Finally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finally)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/24 "2009-11-21T23:28:49Z")
Has anyone else enviously thought, “BOY TOY Mmmmmm…”?
(was 47 in July)
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### Author:  [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/25 "2009-11-21T23:53:32Z")
> [@PapSett](#):
>
> Just wanted to say… I heartily approve of this thread! (I’m 49)
>
> I have nothing to ask off the top of my head, just wanted to say YOU GO GIRL!
>
> (I will be following this with great interest however, I am writing a book right now where the main character is a 37 year old widow with 2 teenagers; she has just hired a 25 year old ranch hand and the sparks they are a flyin’. It is complicated further by the teenage daughter ALSO having a ginormous crush on said ranch hand…)
So this middle-aged guy goes elk hunting around Pinedale, Wyoming. After a few days he decides to go into town for a dinner and a couple of beers. After a bit he notices a pretty good looking, 55ish, woman looking at him so he figures,“What the hey,” and asks her over to his table for a beer and some talk.
They hit it off, dance a bit, really enjoy each other. Finally she leans over and says, “How’d you like a Wyoming hunter’s special?”
“Wyoming hunter’s special? What’s that?”
“Honey, that’s a mother-daughter threesome.”
That sounded good to him so they took off. They drove to her house and when she went in the front door she yelled up the stairs, “You still awake mom?”
Just wanted to share.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/26 "2009-11-21T23:57:20Z")
> [@Finally](#):
>
> Has anyone else enviously thought, “BOY TOY Mmmmmm…”?
>
> (was 47 in July)
I do jokingly refer to him as my boytoy, but I try to make sure he knows that I really do like him as a person and am not just using him for sex. I don’t think most males would have as much of a problem being labeled one as most women would, though.
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### Author:  [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/27 "2009-11-22T00:06:14Z")
> [@SandyHook](#):
>
> So this middle-aged guy goes elk hunting around Pinedale, Wyoming. After a few days he decides to go into town for a dinner and a couple of beers. After a bit he notices a pretty good looking, 55ish, woman looking at him so he figures,“What the hey,” and asks her over to his table for a beer and some talk.
>
> They hit it off, dance a bit, really enjoy each other. Finally she leans over and says, “How’d you like a Wyoming hunter’s special?”
>
> “Wyoming hunter’s special? What’s that?”
>
> “Honey, that’s a mother-daughter threesome.”
>
> That sounded good to him so they took off. They drove to her house and when she went in the front door she yelled up the stairs, “You still awake mom?”
> Just wanted to share.
😃 God, I love this place!
Ironically, my book is set in the real town of Muddy Gap… WYOMING…
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/28 "2009-11-22T02:26:49Z")
I can’t think of any questions at the moment, but at 43, the only downside I can see of hanging around with a younger guy, is like you said, the lack of conversation and shared reference points. If guys could do it for decades, I’m glad it is becoming more acceptable for women to do it, too.
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### Author:  [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/29 "2009-11-22T02:34:57Z")
Life is long, but the days are short…
My wife is 13 years younger than I. So she was 4 years old when I graduated high school.
No, we didn’t know each other then. Just as well because dating would have been awkward.
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### Author:  [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/30 "2009-11-22T04:32:27Z")
How do your kids feel about you having a Gentleman Caller not that much older than they are?
A good friend of mine has mentioned the awkwardness he experienced when his parents divorced and his mum went through “Woo! Yeah! Party!” stage of adjusting to single life. He’d be sitting in the dining room having his breakfast before going to work and find himself talking to some guy about his age (who was looking for the coffee or whatever) that had clearly spend the night there with my friend’s mum.
Personally, I’m glad you’re happy and I think it’s wonderful that society is becoming more accepting of the idea of mature ladies with younger gentlemen- there’s a lot of benefits for both parties and I’m sure you’re both learning a lot from each other!
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### Author:  [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/31 "2009-11-22T05:10:45Z")
> [@CrazyChop](#):
>
> I don’t see that age is a problem; a friend of mine and his wife are 10 years apart in age and are doing well married.
My wife and I are 10 years apart (well, I remind her “9 years, 9 months, 18 days”, she is a little sensitive about her age) and we get along quite well.
As for the OP: there is the [standard creepiness rule](http://xkcd.com/314/) (ie "Don’t date anyone under _(age/2)+7_)) numbers I’ve run through that algorithm make sense, and unfortunately your boy toy does fall outside that, but hey, what’s a rule without exceptions. Perhaps the acceptable age lowers in direct proportion to how well they are in bed? 😃
I wouldn’t call you a “cougar” though, as cougars prefer young guys. Your current beau just happens to be young. You ain’t going to roam the high schools for your next one or anything, so you’re still normal. 😉
And question for the OP: How soon did you/he find out about the age difference, and what was your/his first reaction?
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### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/32 "2009-11-22T05:15:40Z")
You answered “who seduced who” but who first approached who? Did you meet via personals where ages are up front or in a group setting (like a message board) before you knew each other’s age?
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/33 "2009-11-22T05:30:20Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> But then, he’s so cute that you just want to squeeze him until his little head pops off.
Well, that’s an interesting description of a hand job…
I’ve mentioned before that when the Grandparents from Hell started dating, the biggest objection from anybody and everybody was the age difference: she is older than him! By a whole… _calendar check_… 345 days! Ohnoes!
She brings it up any time age differences are mentioned and ends with “they were just envious, those bitches.”
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### Author:  [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/34 "2009-11-22T06:23:51Z")
> [@dhkendall](#):
>
> As for the OP: there is the [standard creepiness rule](http://xkcd.com/314/) (ie "Don’t date anyone under _(age/2)+7_)) numbers I’ve run through that algorithm make sense, and unfortunately your boy toy does fall outside that
That guideline is only for long-term and serious relationships is it not? She has stated this is not her choice in man for the rest of her life.
Oh, now I see you linked to XKCD. Here I was actually making a serious reply. Nevermind me. 😛
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/35 "2009-11-22T08:34:23Z")
I am relieved to know that I’m not actually a cougar- I don’t much like that word, anyway, as I’ve said.
As to who seduced who and how we met- it was in a group setting, much like a message board, but not a dating site. It started out with just friendly instant messaging here and there and we became, something like friends? I don’t know what he was thinking at the time, but no way would it ever enter my mind to hit on a guy that much younger than I. It’s so out of my MO that I wouldn’t have even thought about it. But after being friends with him for a while, when he mentioned really coming to visit me, I tried to think of why he couldn’t. And I couldn’t think any of any reason why not, so I let him. It wasn’t really until the first night he was here that I started entertaining serious thoughts about doing him. He has a sweet and sexy little body, man just thinking about it… 😛
Anyway, my kids- oh no way. They do not know and will never know. They would be so mortified. It might almost be worth telling them just to see the looks of horror and disgust on their faces, but no, this is none of their damn business.
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### Author:  [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/36 "2009-11-22T09:02:03Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> Anyway, my kids- oh no way. They do not know and will never know. They would be so mortified. It might almost be worth telling them just to see the looks of horror and disgust on their faces, but no, this is none of their damn business.
Good on you! Glad you’re enjoying yourself… and having a life of your own, too. 😉
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/37 "2009-11-22T19:12:55Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> I thought Depends, beauty parlors and artificial hips were all for people in their 50s and older?
I have to ask, do you really think this? That people 50+ are drooling and peeing their pants? Because WE AIN’T.
I’m not yet 50 (46 at the moment) but my husband is in his 50s. Something tells me you’d be shocked that your life, especially your sex life, doesn’t end when you start to get a little gray. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/38 "2009-11-22T19:17:53Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#):
>
> I have to ask, do you really think this? That people 50+ are drooling and peeing their pants? Because WE AIN’T.
>
> I’m not yet 50 (46 at the moment) but my husband is in his 50s. Something tells me you’d be shocked that your life, especially your sex life, doesn’t end when you start to get a little gray. :rolleyes:
But you have to admit that you probably thought the same about older people when you were young. It’s a common misconception- I joke about it a lot because that’s how I deal with my aging issues, but I think it’s perfectly normal for a young person to see a person in their 50’s as fairly decrepit.
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/39 "2009-11-22T19:22:24Z")
I see it as a chance to fight ignorance.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-cougar/518429/40 "2009-11-22T19:23:46Z")
That’s fine, but your tone may also reinforce negative stereotypes about cranky old ladies, too. 😛 Just saying.
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